Unable to get aroused when with other people?

[Hopeful&dedicated Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hopeful&dedicated]

Ok, so many here may not be able to relate to this problem but I thought some may have some advice. My wife and I play with others every so often. Well, my wife plays and I usually end up watching unable to even get a semi. I have zero problems when we are alone and EQ is always a 10+. When others are introduced into the equation I am unable to feel anything down there. It doesn't even remotely move and there is hot action going on right in front of my eyes. The only time I was able to get hard is when we had a single girl join us. As soon as another male is introduced I am pretty much useless. I've tried Cialis and got nothing. I've tried to pin it down to dick size insecurity but I really don't think that's it. Most if not all the guys are thicker than me because I'm sub 5" but I'm pretty sure I've had them or equal them in length. It's such a kick in the gut standing there with a softy while the other 3 are going at it and I am basically powerless. I'm at a loss right now on how to fix this problem. My current thinking is that I need to get to know these people better and I might be comfortable enough to perform. All these instances have occurred with people we just met a few hours earlier.

I don't know....thoughts?.?.?

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

Is this something you are uncomfortable doing?

[Hopeful&dedicated Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hopeful&dedicated]

No. I have no jealousy or regret besides not being able to perform.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

There is nothing wrong with you, it is not what you want to do deep down inside. You may tell your self this should excite you but that doesnt mean it will. Could also just be anxiety. Your dick is fine.

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

Well that rules out my if you don't want to do it, don't do it advice. Hopefully someone who knows something can now offer some advice.

I would never get hard in this situation, and likely completely turtle.

[Hopeful&dedicated Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hopeful&dedicated]

Wife and I were talking. I think I need to know the girl fairly well or she would have to be completely all over me. These two situations have yet to occur.

[litopita Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close litopita]

Pretty obvious. You and wife alone means no pressure to "impress and perform" hence no anxiety. When "onlookers" join the party, you all of a sudden have someone to "impress" with your size and also by "performing" well. Your SPA is caused by size insecurity. What confuses me is why you feel the need to engage in these orgies in the first place? Because if you are not careful you will also soon have problems with your wife alone since she is always "looking" when you are failing. Don't tempt fate.

[Hopeful&dedicated Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hopeful&dedicated]

Pretty obvious. You and wife alone means no pressure to "impress and perform" hence no anxiety. When "onlookers" join the party, you all of a sudden have someone to "impress" with your size and also by "performing" well. Your SPA is caused by size insecurity. What confuses me is why you feel the need to engage in these orgies in the first place? Because if you are not careful you will also soon have problems with your wife alone since she is always "looking" when you are failing. Don't tempt fate.

Yeah, probably a fair diagnoses. I'm not worried about having issues with my wife when we are alone. We've been through it all sexually over 17 years. I can't get anymore comfortable than I already am.

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

Yeah, probably a fair diagnoses. I'm not worried about having issues with my wife when we are alone. We've been through it all sexually over 17 years. I can't get anymore comfortable than I already am.

I dunno, some day what if you get with some porn-like couple and then you begin to think "I'll never bang my wife like that" and begin to wonder if she is thinking the same.

[Hopeful&dedicated Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hopeful&dedicated]

I dunno, some day what if you get with some porn-like couple and then you begin to think "I'll never bang my wife like that" and begin to wonder if she is thinking the same.

Not to sound conceited but you can't "bang" my wife any harder than I do now. What we have is more than sex. This other stuff is for fun. The other night with me my wife came 9 times. If another guy makes her cum 10 times than good for her. It doesn't take away from what we have.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

Im guessing (unwarranted) anxiety/embarassment do to performance or size in front of the other person. Maybe try getting comfortable with the 3rd person first or get it going with the wife before the 3rd person comes in. Dont think about trying to hide anything from the 3rd person either once you get it going just pay attention to your own sensations. Maybe start out slower under the sheets where there is no visual just feeling and dont proceed with intercourse until you are both ready maybe even it should be understood that you will initiate the intercourse and just keep communicating, touching, caressing and kissing until you are ready. Im sure if you ever get going you'll have fun especially if you can already watch it happen.

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

Not to sound conceited but you can't "bang" my wife any harder than I do now. What we have is more than sex. This other stuff is for fun. The other night with me my wife came 9 times. If another guy makes her cum 10 times than good for her. It doesn't take away from what we have.

Not to sound too obvious, but if the other stuff for fun has you on a message board for ED I doubt you're having fun.

[Hopeful&dedicated Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hopeful&dedicated]

Im guessing (unwarranted) anxiety/embarassment do to performance or size in front of the other person. Maybe try getting comfortable with the 3rd person first or get it going with the wife before the 3rd person comes in. Dont think about trying to hide anything from the 3rd person either once you get it going just pay attention to your own sensations. Maybe start out slower under the sheets where there is no visual just feeling and dont proceed with intercourse until you are both ready maybe even it should be understood that you will initiate the intercourse and just keep communicating, touching, caressing and kissing until you are ready. Im sure if you ever get going you'll have fun especially if you can already watch it happen.

It's a couple Vette. Here's the thing that leads me to thinking it has to do with the guy. The one time we had a MFF I was fine. Add another man and I seem to have issues.

[Hopeful&dedicated Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hopeful&dedicated]

Not to sound too obvious, but if the other stuff for fun has you on a message board for ED I doubt you're having fun.

Totally. Not denying that. Even watching my wife while I'm unable to perform is hot and something that turns me on for weeks after. It's all fun until I feel like I let everyone down. Fix that and I have no doubt we will all have a blast.

[bautista19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bautista19]

Totally. Not denying that. Even watching my wife while I'm unable to perform is hot and something that turns me on for weeks after. It's all fun until I feel like I let everyone down. Fix that and I have no doubt we will all have a blast.

I would just cease this all before it spills over into your bedroom confidence and then into your relationship. Can you imagine a relationship spinning out of control because of how you react to the site of other men's penises and not how your wife reacts?

It sounds like your bedroom confidence and bravado are already great, don't mess with it. And if you are screwing your wife into 9 orgasms and still need to swing, there has to be something else going on.

Do you and your wife have frank honest conversations about this? I see you find watching your wife get screwed hot, not what I'd be into, but whatever.

What is your wife looking to get out of this?