Two guys were walking down the street when they saw a dog licking his dick.''Boy,'' one guy marveled,''I wish I could do that''.
''I bet you could,''his friend replied.''But you'd probably have to pet him a little first.
Watch your thoughts, for they become words...Watch your words, for they become actions...Watch your actions, for they become habits...Watch your habits, for they become character...Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
sat next to a gal at the bar the other night and I said to her " I would tell you a joke about my penis but its to long" she then replied " I would tell you a joke about my vagina but you would never get it".
Being a modest man, when Big O checked into the hotel on a recent trip. He said tothe blonde lady at the registration desk ..."I hope that the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, Mr Big O , it's regular porn, your sick bastard ."
A rabbi, a priest, and the pope are on a boat with three children when the boat begins to sink. They quickly realize they only have three life jackets.
The rabbi says "I've lived a full life, give the jackets to the kids."
The pope says "Screw the kids, let's take the life jackets."
The priest says "Okay, but are you sure we have time?"
In the early 1400s, the people of Afghanistan made one of humanities great discoveries with the sheep's intestine condom. About 100 years later, the British improved upon the discovery by first removing it from the sheep.
Little Johnny raises his hand and blurts out to the teachr " gotta urinate" the teacher then says to Johnny you may go if you use urinate in a complete sentance.
Johnny raises his hand again and says "urinate". The teacher looks at Johnny and says "that is not a complete sentance". Johnny says " yes it is and if you had bigger tits you would be a ten".