Ribald Bible Stories

[JonPop]

No irreverence intended. Just spoof.


Ribald Bible stories.
Here's a couple of tongue in cheek stories for ya. http://www.betterman.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif



Once upon a time, a couple of weeks ago, as the Crow flies, lived a very naked couple called Adam and Eve.
Now Adam was very shy about the size of his penis and was always wearing a fig leaf, even though Eve would reassure him over and over that size didn't matter, as she really had nothing to compare it to.

This didn't make Adam feel better because when he would look down at his penis, it didn't reach very far to his knee. Adam thought that all of his legs should be of equal length.
Eve had an idea;
She would try and help Adam overcome his feeling of inadequacy by placing Adam's penis in her mouth and trying her best to pull 5in.Hg of vacuum to increase his size.
Naturally Adam had a resounding orgasm the first time Eve did this. They were both astounded at the creamy liquid that came out of the end of Adam's penis and Eve tried and tried to make this happen again.

She sucked and sucked until poor Adam couldn't take anymore.
Eve laid back on the soft grass and wondered what that strange throbbing was in her loins and why she was so wet as she hadn't pee'd as far as she knew.

Suddenly, a large snake appeared in the branches of the tree above Eve and said, "Psssst, have I got a deal for you."
Eve was enthralled by the length of the snake and his thickness at mid-shaft. "Why, you are beautiful," said Eve. "Can I make Adam's penis as large as you?" The snake said, "Why yes, my dear" and proceded to slide head first into Eve's dripping pussy.

Upon seeing this, Adam immediately grabbed the snake by it's tail and pulled him from Eve's hot throbbing pussy.



Eve said to Adam...."You BASTARD."

[JonPop]

Joshua had just finished knocking down the walls of Jeri-toe when a large block tumbled down upon his foot.
He let out a loud yell which brought all of his men running to see what had happened to their great leader.

Upon examination it was found to have smashed his big toe and it was all red and swollen.
One of his most trusted officers said to Joshua, "Hey boss, the best thing you can do for a sore toe, is soak it in cider."

Whereupon Joshua commanded one of his serving wench's to lay on the ground and expose her vagina.
He inserted his big toe into her hot, juicy pussy and sighed in relief.

His trusted officer waving his arms frantically said,

"No, Joshua....In CIDER, not....... INSIDE HER."

To which Joshua replied, "Fuck Off"

[PhibbysHammer]

ha ha!!

[kingpole]

I read the Bible 7 times through from cover to cover. I don't remember that story.

[JonPop]

A short story about Ass I wrote this last year as a birthday present to Want8


Sister Sarah was riding her ass toward the covenant when she met a brave young warrior named Want8. She asked, "Why are you named want8?" He replied hesitantly, "Since you are a Nun, I am almost embarrassed to tell you the meaning of my name." She pressed further, "Oh please brave warrior, I must know." Want8 answered, "Get off your ass, sister and I will sit with you whilst I explain."
As she slid off her ass, Want8 noticed that she was exposing her ass and all of her pussy. (As was her habit, she wore nothing under her habit.)
Want8 begun, "Someday sister, there will be such a thing as Penis Enlargement invented. I shall then be able to grow my member into gigantic proportions such as 8 inches long and 6 inches around, hence my name.
I will then have ALL the fair maiden's of the kingdom lusting after such a handsome tool." "Sister Sarah replied, "Oh handsome man, I don't know, myself, but I have heard that the size of a man's penis doesn't matter. Will you show me of wince thou speaks?" "I have never before, seen a man's penis."
Want8 said, "I will beautiful sister, since I have had the great pleasure to view both your lovely ass and your sweet love chamber as well." Sister Sarah said in astonishment, "You mean, that I was exposing my ass when I slid off my ass?" Want8 replied, "Yes and a grand and wondrous ass it is, an ass and pussy that a man such as myself would fight to possess."
Sister Sarah, quite moved by this statement, felt herself blushing and squirming, her genitles becoming quite hot and wet. Want8, seeing this, removed his trousers and exposed his modest 7X5" penis. Sister Sarah gave a gasp and quickly placed her small, delicate hand on this manly object saying, "This is huge compared to sister Grace's clitoris which was once measured at 3 inches."
"We took turns sucking on sister Grace's clitoris, pretending it was a man, but I never felt any excitement, even though sister Grace seemed to enjoy it greatly."

Want8 was now fully erect and said, "Try sucking on this sister and see if you feel any excitement." Sister Sarah said, "YES, Yes I will." She proceeded to take Want8's now throbbing, penis into her mouth with such abandonment that her head was almost a blur. She stopped suddenly and exclaimed, "I have these strange feelings going from my head to my toes and centering in my clitoris to where I feel as if I am going to explode...Uhhhh, YESSS, Ohhhh. Yes, I did."
Want8 could no longer contain himself and pushed sister Sarah over backwards and pulled up her long habit exposing a hot, throbbing, swollen pussy. Now, sister Sarah, being a virgin, was extremely tight but being very excited and very juicy, Want8 had no trouble penetrating her maidenhead.
They made love well into the evening with sister Sarah having one huge orgasm after another until finally, both spent, they fell asleep.
Unable to rouse sister Sarah and wanting to leave, Want8 tied sister Sarah's ass to her ass, and with a little spank on the flank of both their asses, bid sister Sarah a fond goodbye.
(Happy Birthday, Chuck)

[jayhawk11]

All hail JP, the greatest story teller in the world!!

[JonPop]

Thanks Jbud.

[jayhawk11]

"No, Joshua....In CIDER, not....... INSIDE HER."

To which Joshua replied, "Fuck Off"

JP, this was absolutely priceless!! I would love to see more of this.

[JonPop]

Next time I get a wild hair, I'll write you one Jbud.

[remek]

Someday in the near future, the media outlets will get a kick out of the little-known fact that New York Times Bestselling author JonPop got his start on a PE forum