Hesitant Ejaculation

[HotRod]

I was prowling through the archive reading about edging and found lots of posts about premature ejaculation.

I have a different issue:

When I'm with a woman for the first few times, I absolutely cannot cum. And when I finally do I've been moved to tears because it's such a relief.

I'll be on top of her thrusting forever and it just won't cum. Eventually my body is tired and I can't feel anything anymore, and then it's hopeless. I end up with blue balls and relieving myself in the shower. I attribute it 100% to psychological issues...

* Fear of pregnancy - this should be solved by my recent vasectomy.

* Fear of cumming too soon and breaking the moment!

Usually after I've been with a woman about 3 times, my body starts to loosen up and I'm able to maintain control....maybe too much. Sometimes I just want that release. I've decided that I'm going to do things differently with my next lover and just start cumming when my body wants to cum.

My hesitant ejactulation has caused problems. Women begin thinking there is something wrong with them when you can't or don't cum with them, and their pussies get raw. They don't like that.

My heart goes out to guys who suffer with ED and premature ejaculation problems. My hope for you is that you have compassionate lovers who are willing to work with you, and that PE will prove to be the remedy.

Just a word of advice: NEVER apologize to a woman for cumming soon! Tell her she's just so erotic and exciting that your body just completely took over. Try to frame your physical response with a positive light. Don't feed her anything that frames you as deficient. It will continue to work against you. Just some thoughts.

[JonPop]

Again, HotRod. Great and thoughtful post. JP

[bigsilo]

HotRod - has your recent vasectomy had any effect on your hesitant ejaculation? I think I have a similar issue. For a number of reasons, my wife and I have practiced birth control by me pulling out before I come. Luckily I have great control, but the thought of pregancy means I go for a long time and wear my wife out.

I have been thinking about a vasectomy to remove that worry - then I can just go crazy (it would be nice to get off in less than 5 minutes one in a while!).

[remek]

Excellent post, HR! I've learned one thing that will help with both premature ejaculation and not ejaculating: Relaxing, taking big deep breaths, and just enjoying the moment. From my experience, stress -- as you smartly point out -- is generally the cause of ejaculation problems.

[JonPop]

Well, sometimes the woman is just butt ugly? That might cause some problems. Hee. P

[HotRod]

Originally Posted by bigsilo

HotRod - has your recent vasectomy had any effect on your hesitant ejaculation? I think I have a similar issue. For a number of reasons, my wife and I have practiced birth control by me pulling out before I come. Luckily I have great control, but the thought of pregancy means I go for a long time and wear my wife out.

I have been thinking about a vasectomy to remove that worry - then I can just go crazy (it would be nice to get off in less than 5 minutes one in a while!).

Hi Bigsilo,

Well. I had my vasectomy on January 25, 2008, less than a month ago.

Physically, everything is pretty much back to normal. I had the no-scalpel vasectomy which I would recommend to anyone considering sterilization. Instead of an incision, a small puncture is made in the scrotum through which the vas deferens is drawn and segments removed. There's a small amount of hard scar tissue at the puncture site, and some very slight sensitivity in the balls. No pain. It's just that things have been a little crowded in the ball sack but it's getting a lot better. I wore a supporter for two weeks and that kept me pretty comfortable.

Anyway. I have yet to have sex with anyone since the procedure. I decided to do this now while I was single so that when I found a new lover, my old anxiety wouldn't be there. I banked my sperm so if I do want children some day that's still a possibility. Oh, this great age of freedom through higher technology!

So to your question: I don't know yet, but I think that once I get the go ahead from my doc that I'm 100% sterile, that I will feel much less anxiety over coming. The other part of my anxiety lies in worrying that the woman might not be ready for me to come, but I'm learning to have more power in my relationships with women and I'm going to be making an attempt to do more "leading" analogous to leading on the dance floor.

We'll see how it goes.

[bigsilo]

Keep us posted HotRod. I too am interested in the big 'V'. Let me know if it lets you be more spontaneous.

[remek]

BS: I believe Iguana also had the big "V". You may want to talk to him or - even better - start a thread about it.