[JonPop]

Morning Sex
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming, or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

[Lazy 8]

Limerick: Sorry, this is an old one!

In days of old
When men were bold
And rubbers were invented
They wrapped their socks
Around their cocks
And went on quite contented!

[JonPop]

Six Quickies





"Is it a sin to have sexual relations before receiving communion?" The young
woman asked her pastor.
"Only if you block the aisle," he replied.
***********
"I’m beat," confessed the young girl to her friend. "Last night I didn’t fall asleep until after three."
"No wonder you’re tired," her friend replied. "Twice is usually all I need."
***********
A friend tells us the only thing better than the sleep of the just, is the sleep of the just after.
***********
"Do you smoke after sex?" the man asked.
"I really don’t know," the woman replied. "I’ve never checked."
***********
Two chorus girls were talking things over between shows. "I’ve been out with hundreds of men," said the first, "but I haven’t let one make love to me."
"Oh," said her friend, "which one was that?"
***********
"All right, lady," said the bill collector, "how about the next installment on that couch?"
The lady shrugged. "Okay. It’s better than having to give you the money, I guess."
************

[JonPop]

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES (That Really Work!)







1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU SLICE.













2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.












3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.











4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON. IF YOU ARE A REALLY HEAVY SLEEPER USE A RAT TRAP.











5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.






6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE ~ WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.










7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

[JonPop]

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end
Up leaving together.

They get back to his place,and as he shows her around his Apartment.

She notices that one wall of his Bedroom is
Completely filled with soft, sweet, Cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the Bedroom,With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed In rows, covering the entire wall!


It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched By the amount of thought he had
Put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along The bottom shelf,
Medium-sized bears covering the Length of the middle shelf,

And huge, enormous bears running All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an Obviously masculine guy

To have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his Sensitive side.

But doesn't mention this to him.They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and, After awhile, she finds herself Thinking,

'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy Could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future Father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, And he romantically lifts her in
His arms and carries her into his bedroom

Where they rip off each other's Clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she Responds with more passion,

More creativity, more heat than she Has ever known..

After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,

They are lying there together in The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently Strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well,how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,

Strokes her cheek, Looks deeply into her eyes,

And says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

[happy stud]

Not a bad idea if you can get some real cheap teddy bears.

[JonPop]

Yeah Mo, I can just see you doing this. Hell man, you'd expect the women to give YOU teddy bears.

[JonPop]

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it.

You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients and you won't be the last.


And you're single.


Just let it go."


But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality, whispering..............












"Dave, you're a veterinarian..."

[kingpole]

He fucked up fuckediduppidy bear!

[kingpole]

The toxic shock lady

He was alaways at work, never home and she was rather neglected because of this fact. Alway decorating the house with those antique romantic things you can buy for a song at flea markets and thrift shops all over town. She longed for the mans dong but dong was not to be hers. Still she made the best of it having herself a nice finger party in one of the well decorated rooms on the day bed coverd with silk sheets. She would spend hours often stimulating her lady hood with those delicate dainty fingers and licking them off now and then. Dreaming of her mans dong, the dong that was often not there Not going to happen. And over the years happen all the less and less and then stopped.

She would often stuff tampon sticks into herself imaginging it was a fat juicy, hard throbbing member. One day she got i'll and was rushed to the doctor. She nearly died from toxic shock syndrome. They pulled out 25 old stayle tampons out of snatch.

When she returned home after a two week stent in the hospital her dumb fuck husband asked her why she had so many of those rods stuck up inside her. She said, well dear, its like this, i missed your member dearly and was desireing a meanigful blistful satisfying fuck from you at least twice a week. But you see another lover has taken your place. I call him paper men i would slide them in and out ,in and out in and out, in and out. Got to feeling pretty nice so i decided i needed attention in the snatch 24 hours a day and stuffed my cunt tell it could not hold anymore.

He turned beet red and paused, embarrased he realized that which made his wife sick was all due to him not being there. After carefu self reflexion he decided to work less and be more attentive to the needs of his wife. After all it is rare that a woman should want so much fuck. So he stayed home more often, just about everyday and banged her at least twice a day for as long as he could bang her. She loved him for it! They lived happily ever after and in old age were found conected in a fuck when both had expired at the same time. Two souls departing this limited globe to lite up to heaven.