A Laugh for the Forum

[vegetarian]

Personally, I enjoy retro humor magnet. Found this one I'd like to share:

[JonPop]

Crotchless Undies


A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more
frustrated at her husband’s lack of interest in sex.
She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship,
and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a
lingerie shop.
One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as
usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the
crotchless undies and a slinky negligee.
She then strolled between her husband and the television, and suggestively
tossed one leg up on his chair arm. “Want some of this?” she purred.
“Are you kidding?” he replied. “Look what it did to your underwear.”

[JonPop]

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each
other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.

The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'

The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a
little nervous.'

The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that
done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up
they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze.'

The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'

The first! kid says, 'A circumcision.'

Whoa!' the second kid replies. 'Good luck buddy. I had that done when
I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.'

[Woody Woodpecker]

Rumour has it that the Post Office has scrapped plans to issue a special stamp with a picture of a clitoris on it due to concerns that men may not understand how to lick it properly.

[shane_syndrome]

My GF asked for 9 inches and she wanted it to hurt... So i fucked her 3 times and punched her in the eye!

[shane_syndrome]

then she asked for 12 inches so I gave her the directions to subway

[Hairtrigger]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are
the only animals that stutter,' she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.


'Well,' she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit,' the Rottweiler ate her!'

[Hairtrigger]

Old People and Sex

After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh, that crazy old fart!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August."

[Lazy 8]

A woman went to the doctor and when asked what the matter was, she said, "It's not about me, Doctor, it's about my husband."

"What's the problem with your husband," the doctor asked.

"He's a hobosexual!"

"I'm sorry," said the doctor, "don't you mean 'homosexual'?"

"No," the woman replied, "I mean he's a bum fuck!"

[JonPop]

Ha, ha. Lazy 8. Funny!