[PESG]

Hey guys - looking for some woman advice here. As many of you know, I’ve been seriously dating my girlfriend for about a month now. But we casually dated for a year leading up to this. When she found out that I was having casual sex with another girl here at school, she moved in on me for the kill. She wasn’t angry, but she basically told me that she wanted me all to herself. I accepted the offer because I was always really into her but found her to be just a BIT too shy for me. Things have changed.

The past month has been amazing and I know a month is only a small fragment in a relationship. But I feel like we have been together for a long time now. At first she was hesitant because she was a virgin, but now she is all about the sex. But I know she’s into it for the right reasons. It’s not casual sex. It’s romantic-love sex. It lasts for hours. Hardly a night goes by where I don’t spend the night with her. She loves to cuddle, so do I. She lays there and tells me she loves me constantly. I know she does. When I look into her eyes, I melt. I know I love her too.

Here comes the scary part. Last night, she told me the following: “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t say anything. I just kissed her. I don’t know if that was too much for me to take-in at one time, or what. But I was sort of weirded-out by it.

Then it hit me this morning. See, she’s transferring to the University of Georgia next fall. She’s actually moving in June so she can get acquainted with the area. She has told me on several occasions how bad she wants me to come but understands if I don’t want to. I applied for transfer this morning. I know I’ll get in to UGA. I’m not sure if I actually want to transfer colleges, especially THAT far away from CA. Right now, I just can’t bear the thought of being that far away from her.

Am I being unreasonable? Are my emotions running too high? All I know is, I love this girl and I don’t want to lose her. Any advice guys would be insanely helpful.

[remek]

PESG: There are a few issues at play here - mainly love and logic.

Logic tells you that statistically speaking moving in with a girl at such a young age most likely won't work in the long run. Love tells you that you should screw the statistics and follow your heart. What should you do? Hell if I know. Follow whatever you trust the most - your heart or your brain.

Either way, ask yourself that if it all fails at some point, do you think you'll be happy that you did OR didn't give it a shot?

Hope this helps with your tough decision,
rem

[JonPop]

Do you truly feel in your heart that this is the ONE?
Sometimes this only comes along once in life. If you answered yes, do whatever it takes.

[slanker]

true love is sacrifice bro. "The one" has been watching her dad die of cancer for 18 months, he's on life support, before that we made a deep loving bond in 3 months, and I can't even spend anytime with her but I've given up my life to be thier for her when it's over, because I believe she's the 1.

[JonPop]

Damn, Slanker, sorry to hear this bud. Wishing everyone the best.

[jayhawk11]

Opportunities like this come few and far between. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but from what I know, the good ones are always taken.

There comes a time in everyone's life, when they are forced to make a choice. You never know when that opportunity will come around again, and it is because of this, that I strike at whatever opportunity I get. Sure, every once in a while I look back and ask myself, "what would it be like if I didn't do that," but I know in my heart that what ever I did was the right thing to do.

This also brings up the issue of choice. The actions we take today, determine what will happen in the future. You need to ask yourself, "can I live with myself if I'm not willing to stay with this person," and, "am I willing to keep looking for someone else if I don't stay with this person." If you can live with yourself and if you are willing to keep looking for the right one, then I advise you to do whatever it takes to stay with this person.

Good luck, and I hope that you are okay with whatever choice you make.

Jayhawk

[slanker]

Originally Posted by JonPop

Damn, Slanker, sorry to hear this bud. Wishing everyone the best.

Yeah thanks man. I have promised to marry her in the end. I just don't know when the end will come. The family are so private they have shut down and don't contact anyone.

But thats true what jayhawk said, can you live with yourself if you move on and leave her behind? That's a good question to ask yourself.

[slanker]

Originally Posted by JonPop

Do you truly feel in your heart that this is the ONE?
Sometimes this only comes along once in life. If you answered yes, do whatever it takes.

whatever it takes JP. So true.

[PESG]

Thanks guys for the kind replies.

When I'm around this girl, I'm in a constant euphoric state. Like I said, right now, I cannot fathom not being with her.

I'm pretty damn sure she is the one. I need to turn this "pretty damn sure" into a "Yes, she IS the one."

[W.M.P.]

Relationships, whether "casual" or "serious/committed", are quite the vehicle for inner growth. At the beginning, when there's a solid connection (physical, mental, spiritual, etc) and all the hormones are running high, they're all "THE ONE". Especially when you're young, with raging hormones, an idealistic view of life and a penchant for delirious romance, relationships tend to have quite a powerful, mind-altering effect on us. One thing I can tell you, is that at your age it is a lot easier to muster such words and have such ideas as "I wanna be with you for the rest of my life"; most of our inner development takes place between the time we enter college and our early to mid-thirties; from then on, there's still growth til the end, but mostly based on the tons of life-shaping experiences you managed to accumulate during the aforementioned period and the wisdom that we derive when examining these in retrospective as we grow older yet wiser. Whether you stay or go, just know that in the end, relationships (just like anything else in this world) have a life-span; we outlive 99.9% of them but we always hope to land that elusive .01% that will outlive us. People grow and change a lot during their college years and in the next couple of years after that; you and your girl are not exempt to this unless you lock yourself in a box and refuse to experience life as you walk along this world. Both you and your girl are gonna do quite some growing during the next couple of years; whether you grow closer or grow apart during this process is anyone's guess but what really matters is that you're honest and true to yourself. In the meantime, keep yourself grounded on the present and enjoy your time with your girl for as long as it lasts; it could last 8 more months or 8 more decades; only time will tell. However, make sure to enjoy being with her while it lasts; enjoy every second and take only what she can give, no more and no less. Whether you stay or move to GA, live it all to the fullest and immerse yourself in every moment like it will be your last. Regardless of how long it lasts, just make sure it's something that you can look back on and feel like that you never took it for granted.

I've had a couple of "THE ONE"'s in the past and the last one was way back in '99; the girl approached me at a bar and next thing you know we spent the next 2yrs together, sharing a roof, a bank account and being as close and in love as humanly possible. We had a great time through it all and it was an absolute blast. We started in New Orleans and after about a year, we decided to pack our shit and move West. The move brought a whole new set of circumstances; we went from living it up in comfort in New Orleans to living the "frontier life" in the Rockies. During this time, we both went through some changes and, although we never had any problems and we still loved each other to death, we came to the painful realization that we wanted quite different directions for our lives. Breaking up with that girl was the most painful experience I've ever had...and also the most life-enhancing. Still to this day, I can look back and relish not only on the wonderful times I had with her, but even more so on how I took that chance to put into practice and live all the spiritual teachings I had been reading about and internalizing up to that very time of my life. I allowed myself to care and love with complete abandon and absolute devotion; I became the embodiment of selflessness during that time and the relationship was without a doubt the best vehicle for such a transformation. There was only one little mistake I made, and it was to truly believe the concept of "THE ONE" to its very core; back then I would've bet both my arms that me and her would always be together, but I'm glad I didn't take any bettors cause otherwise I wouldn't be able to write these words (...or jelq). It was a mistake because when it came time to part ways, I was just no ready for such a blow to my soul. Sure it's never fun to break up, but this time around I did believe with my whole being that this was "IT".

However, what really matters is that I did learn a LOT from that little mistake, so I guess that it was a good thing that I had such a stumble. These days, based on that experience, I approach my relationships with even more abandon and devotion. You may ask "Why?", after all the pain I went through. Well, it is for that very reason that I now love even deeper and harder...because I learned to love with absolute detachment from any final outcome; I ceased to have expectations. These days, I'm dating a wonderful girl; cool as a rock star and hot enough to grace a Victoria's Secret catalog from front-cover to back-cover completely on her own. I do love her with all my might and make sure to enjoy every second regardless of what we do; whether we're banging like bunnies in heat or just shopping for dog-food at Target, I'm fully there in body and soul. Many times it happens, whether we're cuddling or just quietly enduring NYC traffic, that I suddenly realize time and time again, how crazy it is that this girl...this human spirit with all her hopes and dreams...to whom I'm the closest thing at this time in her life...who happens to be the closest thing to my looking in the mirror at this time in mine, could one day be nothing more than a basketful of great memories from days past. And it's these sporadic yet deeply impacting little moments of awareness of my life and those that surround and interconnect with it, that keep me on my toes, making sure not a drop of life's juice goes to waste, as I attempt to live my life like a healthy, responsible and accountable version of On The Road's Dean Moriarty.

Should you go to GA? Should you stay in Cali? Should you stay with the girl? Well I can't answer that; that's only for you to decide. However, if my rambling of a post has made any sense, then my one and only advice should be quite obvious, loud and clear: LIVE.