[Mr.Friend]

Sometimes.... I'm just not happy at all. I look at myself in the mirror, seeing the reflection of a mess, a wreck, a waste. My denial sometimes is my only sanctuary, continually telling myself, ?I'm just different. All those others are the same, all conforming to popular trend and common personalities and likes/dislikes". I blame conformity as to why I don't belong, in a useless attempt to convince myself that I am 'ahead of the game' as I 'choose' not to follow suit. But no....
It isn't them, it is me.
I don't, I can't fit in. I am too different, and I've had enough. I wish my being unique was a gift, but it is only a curse. This only intensifies the reason why I am truly so ugly on the inside, and out. I strive to be normal, to be accepted. But I am not, and this just will never be a reality. I gaze at my several medications, with false hope, knowing they only deliver a weak and short solution to my pitiful inconvenience. My existance is an entire problem of its own, just another unneeded discrepancy for the world to face.
It is not needed, so I am not needed. I would love nothing more than to escape my personal hell, so as to not just forever lift this burden from my shoulders, but to grant relief to others as well. What a joke it is to believe I would be missed greatly. I would not. In fact, I would find happiness in leaving here, as I know if I was capable of viewing the aftermath of my departue, I would at least be able to witness the love and emotional stress, that those who do love me, would finally reveal the love I so desperately need. The voice I long for to tell me that I do belong, that there is a place for everyone, even my pathetic self. Truthfully, I would even settle for less. I want some reason to spark any trace of happiness in my mind. I am more than skeptical though, doubting that this will ever take place.
To add, not only am I socially unaccepted, and my confidence is shattered, but I am good at only one thing, nothing. I search for some explanation as to why I have such trouble understanding concepts and the like. And I found one, and an outrageous one at that. The desperately signified notion that I am right-brained, not left-brained. Such a desperate and far-fetched excuse for my distinction. Ith this, I calmly came to terms with the idea that I was gifted in writing, literature, and the arts. Gifted in something. I found a short-lived sense of security and glee with this, but only threw this idea as far from my mind as I possibly could, once I actually began to test it. Each try I make to convince myself, this, positively, I become disappointed, disheartened, and even further discouraged. I keep finding more and more reasons as to why I am not even skilled at my one passion, writing. That is the final straw. That leaves me with nothing at all. Now, I have the 'privalege' of carrying on my endless search for a worthwhile reason to linger, to poison my surroundings with my presence.
So, on the whole, what do I have? Nothing. No skills. No talents. A lackluster personality. A misunderstood sense of humor. Next to no friends. A tendency to be ignored, disliked, and pitied. I am so close to ending it all. I cannot fish for reasons that just aren't there

[Waylander]

I'm sorry your going through that. You really should go see a doctor. Rest assured, that you are not the only person who has felt that way at some time or another. I have a friend who went through this, turned out he was bipolar. Go talk to someone man, and keep your chin up!!

[PhibbysHammer]

My friend Mr. Friend,
And I do consider you my friend. I've seen you post regularly here and I've seen you helping others with your posts. I've watched you struggle with your demons and fight to overcome them on so many occasions. I've personally shared in your triumphs and joys as well as sharing in your pains, though you wouldn't know that probably without me telling you now.
You made mention of some sort of failure at writing, yet I just read a wonderfully written expose' of one individual trying to express his inner most thoughts and I have to say that I strongly disagree with your critique of self, because I don't know many people at all who could express themselves so eloquently as you just have. You speak of your ugliness within when I myself have never seen this in you. I have seen you being kind and considerate to all others though, at all times. I do know you have struggled with your medications and this is an ongoing battle, but that in itself defines you as someone who is battling to overcome, not caving to defeat. You have indeed sparked motivation in me and I'm sure many others, leaving me a better person for having known you. Where is the failure in that? Here I sit on the sidelines of your life cheering for you to win and you announce you are ready to concede? That isn't you at all. You're a fighter, not a quitter and you're also a survivor because you haven't been defeated yet.
You have many purposes, one of which I believe is to WIN THE BATTLE and overcome those problems, quite possibly making you the Champion for those who are not as strong as you, those who are facing the same demons. I've always considered you my friend, and it troubles me when you are down, but I am here for my friends as are so many others. You need to be here for your friends as well. You need to keep fighting the fight, because if one of us loses, the chances are greater that all of us will lose. We all need each other and that includes you.

[JohnSmith011]

Mr. Friend when i read what you have to say your words reflect a mirror image of myself about 2 years ago... I know Exactly how you feel i have walked a mile in those shoes my friend. I was down i felt as though no one liked me no one loved me and no one cared at all if i lived or died.And all of my thoughts were negative all there was was nothingness numb isolated from everything all there was, was binge drinking drinking so much that i actually died 3 times from it and was revived. now my friend i have something to tell you and maybe you will believe me maybe you wont. I have been to the other side by taking my own life and the hell that you are in now is NOTHING compaired to the one you will be in because the fact is there is no rest down that path. now not many people can say something liek this but i have been through hell and back i can elaborate more if you would like but i wont burden you with anymore negative thoughts instead i will strive to help you understand that there is a purpose that you exist there is a reason you are here and right now i know its like there is a never ending cycle of depression negativeism and mind boggeling mental strains. Now my friend i know the way out of your current prision and if you are willing to listen and take some very simple but very powerful advice i will tell you. You MUST focus on the postive things in your life even if there are none you must make something. Maybe hope your hope that one day you will have everything that you need. It is all a mental game it is just like p.e. your thoughts become reality you must believe that you can make postive gains and they come. now everytime there is a negative thought that passes through your mind say to yourself stop and think of a postive thought but the thought must be in the present tense. such as I WILL make it through this I will become happy. What ever you think will be postive or in the right direction now i know this sounds elementary and stupid but it DOES work. You control your emotions and your body. You are the one who has the power to succeed not anyone else and not any medication it is all in your hands... except i dont know whether your believe or not but i am one of the most firm believers in God you will ever meet and it really doesnt matter to me if you do or not if you turn to him he will see you through this ruff patch and will give you gifts that you never thought possible as well as bringing you people who you do fit in with people who have love and are willing to give it because this is exactly what happened to me i had been the hell and back and i realized there was no escape the only way out is to LIVE not to die you have to take this life and do something powerful with it not just waste away and believe you are nothing YOU ARE SOMETHING and you have the power with the help of god to do WHAT ever it is that will make you happy there has to be something whether you are talented or not it does not matter what matters is how bad you want it and what you are willing to do to get it. so remeber Mr.Friend stay postive turn to God not only in times of hardship but times of bliss as well never give up because there is no escape and no salvation for the fallen

[Pegasus]

Yeah what Phibby and Waylander said is true.
Each individual has value.
Phibby has said you helped others with your posts, isn't that meaningfull?
When you are depressed, you don't see the meaning and joy that are there all along.

[JonPop]

Mr. Friend. See, buddy? There ARE people that care about you and your welfare.
We are more than just a PE site, we here are a family and we truly care for our brothers.
You stay around, we will NOT let you go.
If a person that does an act in haste, would have just waited a day or two, the destructive thoughts would have resolved themselves and they would not have acted.

You have been given a reason to continue in life, by all that have written and posted to this disturbing thread. Listen to us. God Bless.

[RockofFox]

I think you can see mr friend that there are many people here who are here to help you however they can, and who genuinely care about you. And thats because you've added value with the stories that you share. You've been given some great advice already and so much of it I agree with.
You will be surprised how many people go through what you have. I thought I was a psyco many years ago, all the rubbish that would run through my head etc. I was depressed, anxious and didnt have much meaning being around.
Not believing in god didnt help me with my lifes purpose either, and religion is a very individual belief. But we respect each others belief.
The only bit of advice I will give, which has already been discussed, is to try to see a professional therapist.
I put it off for years despite plea's from my wife and a friend (who himself is a psycologist). I think I have posted elsewhere that this was genuinly one of the best things I ever did. Do you know why?
-Tought me I was perfectly normal, but unique
-Tought me how to think constructively
-Showed me how to recognise destructive thought patterns
-Showed me how in times of distress what to focus on

What he really did was give me confidence in how normal I really was, and critically, gave me tools and strategies to keep my mental health well. As much as I thought I knew everything about myself, I had no idea. This was critical friend, seek help, you cant be expected to go it alone, you need a leg up. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helped me enormously, and I personally would love to see you give it a go and see what happens, because I can only say from my own exeriences how much it helped me.
You've taken the first step in getting assistance from your friends on this site. The gift of life is precious, Good luck.

[kingpole]

Originally Posted by Mr.Friend

Sometimes.... I'm just not happy at all. I look at myself in the mirror, seeing the reflection of a mess, a wreck, a waste. My denial sometimes is my only sanctuary, continually telling myself, ?I'm just different. All those others are the same, all conforming to popular trend and common personalities and likes/dislikes". I blame conformity as to why I don't belong, in a useless attempt to convince myself that I am 'ahead of the game' as I 'choose' not to follow suit. But no....
It isn't them, it is me.
I don't, I can't fit in. I am too different, and I've had enough. I wish my being unique was a gift, but it is only a curse. This only intensifies the reason why I am truly so ugly on the inside, and out. I strive to be normal, to be accepted. But I am not, and this just will never be a reality. I gaze at my several medications, with false hope, knowing they only deliver a weak and short solution to my pitiful inconvenience. My existance is an entire problem of its own, just another unneeded discrepancy for the world to face.
It is not needed, so I am not needed. I would love nothing more than to escape my personal hell, so as to not just forever lift this burden from my shoulders, but to grant relief to others as well. What a joke it is to believe I would be missed greatly. I would not. In fact, I would find happiness in leaving here, as I know if I was capable of viewing the aftermath of my departue, I would at least be able to witness the love and emotional stress, that those who do love me, would finally reveal the love I so desperately need. The voice I long for to tell me that I do belong, that there is a place for everyone, even my pathetic self. Truthfully, I would even settle for less. I want some reason to spark any trace of happiness in my mind. I am more than skeptical though, doubting that this will ever take place.
To add, not only am I socially unaccepted, and my confidence is shattered, but I am good at only one thing, nothing. I search for some explanation as to why I have such trouble understanding concepts and the like. And I found one, and an outrageous one at that. The desperately signified notion that I am right-brained, not left-brained. Such a desperate and far-fetched excuse for my distinction. Ith this, I calmly came to terms with the idea that I was gifted in writing, literature, and the arts. Gifted in something. I found a short-lived sense of security and glee with this, but only threw this idea as far from my mind as I possibly could, once I actually began to test it. Each try I make to convince myself, this, positively, I become disappointed, disheartened, and even further discouraged. I keep finding more and more reasons as to why I am not even skilled at my one passion, writing. That is the final straw. That leaves me with nothing at all. Now, I have the 'privalege' of carrying on my endless search for a worthwhile reason to linger, to poison my surroundings with my presence.
So, on the whole, what do I have? Nothing. No skills. No talents. A lackluster personality. A misunderstood sense of humor. Next to no friends. A tendency to be ignored, disliked, and pitied. I am so close to ending it all. I cannot fish for reasons that just aren't there

I fnd your writing rather entertaining i gave you a rep point. As far as useless goes i think your quite useful. I don't think your mentally ill but spiritually ill. You have soul pain, someone, something told you a pack of lies. As far as normal goes, normal is quite overated and in my opinion mundane. If normal is so great why are there so any blokes out there with normal sized penis's trying to grow a bigger one.

Some times those who do not fit in go to save a community. They become rock stars, movie stars, motivational speackers. It is the blokes that stand out from the crowd that make the changes needed to continue huamn igsistance. Example Jesus a two thousand year old legend that hated religion, politics and hung around with prostitutes. He was different and yet he has me influence on the world than any man in history. Entire civilations were changed because of him.

I hope you read this before you go deeper into despair. Want you to post me some pics. I will tell you if you need to hate yourself or not. I will tell you if it is neccessary to make any changes.

[RockofFox]

Originally Posted by kingpole

Some times those who do not fit in go to save a community. They become rock stars, movie stars, motivational speackers. It is the blokes that stand out from the crowd that make the changes needed to continue huamn igsistance.

That, kingpole, is a great point.

And one other thing whilst I was at work today I was thinking you should be applauded for having the courage to come out and speak your thoughts, which must not have been easy. So well done there.

[RockofFox]

BUMP!!

Mr Friend, how goes it?

are you doing well, have you found the support you need?

I think I saw a post from you a few weeks ago, so thats great to see.