[IdealPenis]

This is poll has private votes. So fell free to be honest

Cheating

Have you ever cheated your partner(no mather you wore married or not with that person)?
-yes
-no

Would you cheat your partner?(for those who dose not have a partner,or did not have the "oportunity", or who did not ask them selfs if they would/want)
Yes
No
Still thinking..


Fill free to express you filosophy. Why do you chet, why you chose not to cheat.


Description:
*cheating starts from the moment you are kissing another person. Do I have to mention blowjobs, hand/foot jobs...or any sexual contact?

[JonPop]

I look at cheating this way; If you can live without what you now have, then go for what you are thinking. If not, don't do it.

[baybabe]

I always wondered WHY a married person would cheat, why wouldnt they just leave there spouse so they could be free to see whomever they choose. It seemed like a simple solution to me. Then I was in a married situation where my husband would not let me leave him! I told him that I was completely done with the relationship and if he didnt let me leave I would inevitably start seeing other people. I was longing for passion and it wasnt something I could get from my husband because of the horrendous state of our relationship. Long story short...I would never intensionally have an affair but I can see why people try to stay married while they are cheating, best of both worlds..unless your busted. So my answer is NO I have never cheated, and NO I would not cheat...Its bad Karma.

[PhibbysHammer]

Never cheat!! You end up cheating yourself more and also being cheated more. TOTALLY BAD KHARMA!!

[W.M.P.]

I think the lines are quite blurred when it comes to "cheating" while you're only dating someone. Things have changed a lot in the last couple of decades with women achieving more and more equality with men, which has empowered many of them to adopt the very same attitudes towards sex & relationships that men have had for the longest time. When it comes to marriage, it seems pretty obvious that the lines and boundaries should be more clear, concise and concrete; however, one cannot ignore how ingrained it is in all of us that classic tenet of the American spirit: The pursuit of happiness. Years back I was one of those who only saw things in "black & white", but years later and with that many more experiences I see all the different, subtle shades that I didn't see before and therefore refuse to pass judgment on anyone without first putting myself in their situation; as that classic Native American saying goes: Never judge your neighbor until you have walked two miles in his shoes.

The girl that I've been dating for almost 2yrs, I met her while she was trapped in a toxic relationship with a guy that is nothing but the consummate embodiment of a douchebag; a guy who damaged her self-esteem in ways that many women have experiences at the hands of demeaning partners. We met @ an old job, we hit it off, developed a deep connection, one thing led to the other and I basically snatched her away from the guy. However, (and for practical reasons) it took 3 months of our being together before she finally faced him and ended that toxic deal she had been in for 3 too long years. During those 3 months, I remember her saying many times how she didn't wan't me to think badly of her, how this was the 1st time she had done something like this, etc, etc. I would simply respond by saying : You can't help how you meet somebody; all you can do is make the best of the opportunity and understand that there's no such thing as a blue-print when it comes to relationships. The way I saw it (and the way I would point it out to her) is that she had been cheating herself out of her own happiness by staying stuck with such an asshole and that now she had what she had always been yearning, in terms of a man who treated her the way she deserved.

So along we went with our deal, becoming the best of friends, lovers, "partners in crime" and all that jazz. However, for the last year or so, she had let herself get so consumed in her life's stresses that our physical intimacy slowly descended into almost non-existent; we went from having the kind of passionate sex that would make porn stars feel like rookies...........to having a basic quickie with at least 3 weeks between each encounter. Not only that, but pretty much all signs of passion, romance and affection where pretty much gone. Lingering, sweet "good nite" kisses became a light peck...long, warm embraces became pretty much extinct and the fire (as far as she was concerned) was pretty much not there. She still continued to be a dependable, loyal, generous friend....but the lover in her kept fading further and further away. This whole dilemma had been consumming my thoughts and stressing me to no end. I did try many times to bring it up, but with her letting herself be consummed with stress, it was always nothing but an effort in futility. I would try my hardest to focus on all the other great qualities she has a as a woman, but would always end up coming back to the fact that what ultimately separates being a couple from being great friends, is that you are LOVERS. Also, as time went by, it became more and more present in my mind, body, heart & soul how important affection is to me in a relationship. I thrive on giving as much as in receiving affection; it is very invogorating, life-affirming and heals in ways that modern medicine is still trying to fully understand.

So several months ago, I got a great job at a very busy health-care & research center. There at my new job, I would overhear the ladies (my department is 99% females) vent to one another about how utterly unhappy they were in their marriages, wishing their husbands would treat them in ways that sounded to me like nothing when compared to how I had been treating my girl all this time. These women were wishing from their husbands for a fraction of the kind of love, respect and support that I had been treating my girl with all along. So as things went on, I could not help but simply feel taken for granted as a boyfriend. Sure my girl had been there all along in many ways, and I always knew that if I ever needed her help in any way, she would be there for me in a flash..........but I had been missing the feeling of having a woman in my life and it was suddenly starting to get old, really fast. So at work, as I went along getting comfortable with my work environment and sorting out who I jive with and who I don't, I ended up becoming good buddies with a woman who ended up being quite the eye opener for me. She has been married to a douchebag for 17yrs, with whom she's had 2 kids. During our many conversations, she would always accentuate the fact that she was craving affection more than anything else. She would say over and over how she could not care less about having to do all the house chores (while working 2 jobs, mind you), she could even put up with his selfish, childish behavior and his tantrums.........if he could only take some time on a regular basis to basically shut the fuck up, take her into their room and fuck her brains out; to just channel all his frustrations into one crazy romp after another with her. So the more I talked to this woman, the more it got me thinking about my situation and how important overall affection is for me within a relationship.

So to all of you who are wondering......well yes of course, me and my co-worker ended up having some make-out sessions in the stairwells. You might be thinking "Oh fuck you, WMP! Be a buddy and confess!! You DID fuck her, didn't you?!". Well...we agreed to do so and met at my place to do the good ole' deed........but it wasn't what I thought it would be. The sex (or the attempt at such a thing) was nothing but sort of an awkward moment without clothes. We went back to wok and agreed that there was too much at stake and that it was not worth it. However, for me the whole thing was quite the eureka moment, where I basically realized that Life had put this woman in my path to give me a fairly accurate idea of what my life would be like if I chose to settle, accept and commit to a life devoid of the very ingredient that I deem so crucial in a relationship as far as I'm concerned: Physical intimacy.

So after several more weeks of consumming myself while continuing to be patient as I waited for my girl to get back to her good ole' ways, I decided to step out of the "comfort zone" and pull the plug on my relationship. You might wonder why I'd still call it a "comfort zone" after having made a clear case of why I wasn't happy with things. Well, it was a comfort zone not only cause it was familiar and all that, but also cause my girl has TON of wonderful qualities that I had been always looking for in a woman and I was about to loose all those things as a result of my resolve. I called her up after work, she came over and I laid it out to her without any sugar-coating. I told her it had been too long since I'd been feeling like I didn't really have a woman in my life, that I had been more than patient and that I had no other choice but to think that she simply didn't wanna be with me. I was as calm and collected as a Buddhist monk, completely at peace with my decision; she was obviously very upset, crying, and left, telling me she hadn't been feeling at her best for way too long and that she would call me when she felt better.

Well, several weeks went by...a little text here and there (always starting with her, cause I was done pursuing her for good; I pursued her for way too long to no avail and I had simply had enough.), a phone call, then a quick visit....then the other night she shows up at my place wearing sweat-pants and a hoodie, smiling and teary eyed. She lights a candle, turns off the lights and when those sweat pants and hoodie came off...she was wearing nothing but a black garter-belt & stockings. Holy mother of God. I had always heard about "make up sex" but had yet to find out what the buzz is all about. Needless to say, that night we had what to me was the most unbelievable sex I've ever had in my life.

So on we go again, for what I'd like to call Chapter 2 of me and her, but I thread cautiously, keeping myself grounded at all times and knowing that one single night of heaven is no guarantee that you won't end up again at the gates of what was starting to feel like Hell. And THAT kind of Hell is one that I've deeply sworn to never settle for.

All in all, (to close the first round of my argument) relationships sometimes tend to be more complicated that we'd like then to be. There's no script, no instruction manual, no blue-print or anything of that nature. Each and every relationship is a different experience and calls fresh approach based on lessons learned from loves come and gone. For me, my "cheating" experience was a blessing, cause it woke me up to the reality that's out there: People who hold out hope for way too long, hoping that their partner will one day finally "get it" and snap out of their erring ways...only to realize that all they've been doing is constantly renewing their membership at the Misery Club. It made me realize that sometimes, no matter how much love you give, it might simply not be enough to make a relationship what you would like it to be. As the saying goes: It takes two to Tango. My little fling is something I'll never, ever regret because I learned quite a lot from it. To say that my co-worker also benefited from the fling would be quite an understatement. She came out of our little fling with the determination to put an end to 17yrs of mistreatment, misery and neglect, as she is now in the middle of doing what she had been wanting for way to long, which was a divorce.

Is my girl on her way back to becoming the wonderful lover I fell in love with at the beginning? That is something that only time will tell, and I will be closely watching. Will I ever "cheat' again? I highly doubt it. I doubt it because all throughout my little fling, all I could think of was "What the fuck is this shit? Why do I have to be sneaking into a fucking stairwell to get some affection from a woman who's not the one I love and want to be with? Why do I have to rush home to wash myself and change my shirt so that I have no suspicious scent for my girl to catch? Why all this dangerous sneaking around when all I gotta do is meet someone new if things with my girl are not to be?". But then again, I don't regret it cause it was a crucial catalyst in my gathering the courage to do what I needed to do.

[JonPop]

I know how hard that was to write. It took a long time to put this into words. You and I have talked, and you are to be commended for finally voicing what you have wanted to say, for a very long time. I wish you all the happiness and hope that things work out, for I know you truly, deeply love her. JP

[kingpole]

That was a great experience WMP. I feel a rep point coming on!

[LxxP]

Great Words WMP, I Love Enlightenment.

[W.M.P.]

Originally Posted by JonPop

I know how hard that was to write. It took a long time to put this into words. You and I have talked, and you are to be commended for finally voicing what you have wanted to say, for a very long time. I wish you all the happiness and hope that things work out, for I know you truly, deeply love her. JP

You sure know, Sensei. Thank you.

[remek]

Originally Posted by W.M.P.

I think the lines are quite blurred when it comes to "cheating" while you're only dating someone. Things have changed a lot in the last couple of decades with women achieving more and more equality with men, which has empowered many of them to adopt the very same attitudes towards sex & relationships that men have had for the longest time. When it comes to marriage, it seems pretty obvious that the lines and boundaries should be more clear, concise and concrete; however, one cannot ignore how ingrained it is in all of us that classic tenet of the American spirit: The pursuit of happiness. Years back I was one of those who only saw things in "black & white", but years later and with that many more experiences I see all the different, subtle shades that I didn't see before and therefore refuse to pass judgment on anyone without first putting myself in their situation; as that classic Native American saying goes: Never judge your neighbor until you have walked two miles in his shoes.

. . . I thrive on giving as much as in receiving affection; it is very invogorating, life-affirming and heals in ways that modern medicine is still trying to fully understand. . .

. . . I don't regret it cause it was a crucial catalyst in my gathering the courage to do what I needed to do.

There was so much words of wisdom in that post, WMP. You seem to have a complete grasp on what a relationship should and shouldn't be, and what you deserve from one.

As you said - nothing is black and white, and that applies 10-fold when it comes to love and lust. I wish you the best of luck and hope you two are able to rekindle the relationship fully.