Stress, anxiety and PE

[lionmaster Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lionmaster]

Hello gentlemen!

I've been reading these forums for quite a while because I happen to have a PE problem. It just happened a little over a year ago and it doesn't want to go away. I think it could be caused by absence of girlfriend and regular sex for quite a while, some other factors, but most importantly, I think, stress and tension. I think having control and being able to relax PC muscles certainly helps to last longer but it doesn't always work for me. Sometimes I'm able to easily relax PC muscles or reverse kiegel and sometimes not. I think muscles are not a cause but a consequence. In other words, stress and anxiety may cause tension which leads to tense PC muscles and, it seems, a more active sympathetic nervous system which seems to cause quick arousal and ejaculation. I have anxiety disorder and sometimes worry too much about things which get me stressed out and I notice that as my stress / anxiety level is higher the PE problem is more evident. There's a direct correlation between the two it seems. So I think it has a lot to do with sympathetic / parasympathetic nervous system. If we could only learn how to control it - that would be the ultimate solution. And if you learn to control PC muscles in addition - even better.

Sometimes I could go for 10 minutes with my girlfriend and sometimes barely for 2. The inconsistency might be correlated to how active your sympathetic nervous system is at the time. Or maybe when you're anxious/stressed your serotonin level decreases which seems to affect how long you last.

Do you guys find this to be the case with you? What are your thoughts?

Somehow, we have to get to the bottom of it and learn to have a better control.

[TruuCamp Member Find all posts View Profile Close TruuCamp]

Hello gentlemen!

I've been reading these forums for quite a while because I happen to have a PE problem. It just happened a little over a year ago and it doesn't want to go away. I think it could be caused by absence of girlfriend and regular sex for quite a while, some other factors, but most importantly, I think, stress and tension. I think having control and being able to relax PC muscles certainly helps to last longer but it doesn't always work for me. Sometimes I'm able to easily relax PC muscles or reverse kiegel and sometimes not. I think muscles are not a cause but a consequence. In other words, stress and anxiety may cause tension which leads to tense PC muscles and, it seems, a more active sympathetic nervous system which seems to cause quick arousal and ejaculation. I have anxiety disorder and sometimes worry too much about things which get me stressed out and I notice that as my stress / anxiety level is higher the PE problem is more evident. There's a direct correlation between the two it seems. So I think it has a lot to do with sympathetic / parasympathetic nervous system. If we could only learn how to control it - that would be the ultimate solution. And if you learn to control PC muscles in addition - even better.

Sometimes I could go for 10 minutes with my girlfriend and sometimes barely for 2. The inconsistency might be correlated to how active your sympathetic nervous system is at the time. Or maybe when you're anxious/stressed your serotonin level decreases which seems to affect how long you last.

Do you guys find this to be the case with you? What are your thoughts?

Somehow, we have to get to the bottom of it and learn to have a better control.

VERY INTERESTING POINT !

Last time i had sex with my fiancé, it was just me and her in the house and i was able to last for 30+ mins ; on top of it I DIDNT even ejaculate ; i was able to lay it off. Later that same night , a friend and his girlfriend came over and slept at my place in the guest room ...me and my fiancé had sex again and I only lasted 5-6mins ; believe it or not i was worried about my friend and her girlfriend hearing us or walking in on us. To a point i felt rushed or in a rush when there were other people in the house which caused me to lose control ; this is not the first time , i notice it quite often ; I CANT relax when there are people around loool , i always worry too much

[Drummer19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Drummer19]

Anxiety effects a lot! Because your mind controls your arousal. Porn is also way someone can acquire performance anxiety, which is another layer to add onto your normal anxiety. Learning breathing techniques and the such to relax will help you. Also, quitting porn will help too, if you do that.

[wilson214 Member Find all posts View Profile Close wilson214]

I agree with drummer 100%. Your mind is your own worst enemy when it comes to PE. You get all "in your own head", and you really psych your self out of normal train of thought. Relaxing in every aspect of the word, will benefit more than any exercise or teachnique you can learn.

Another thing is the affects of porn. I just recently quit watching porn altogether after being a frequent "viewer" for about 6-7 years. WOW. If I knew then what I knew now, no way would I have touched it with a 10 foot pole. The easiest way to break it down IMO, is that porn by nature, teaches your bodies entire arousal signals to "rush" to peak arousal points, when in reality, this should be happening slowly and gradually.

Bottomline, cut the porn now and reap the rewards. Ive noticed I'm more relaxed when it comes to sexual activity already, not just my penis, but my whole body. Breathing, pelvic floor, the whole nine. Retrain your brain to reach the higher arousal levels SLOWER and in control.

[lionmaster Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lionmaster]

Yeah it's due to anxiety and active sympathetic system as a result. Another point which I might be important in understanding it is - I last much longer when I had alcohol. Doesn't even have to be a lot - a bottle-two of beer and I last much longer. I think it just relaxes you, your parasympathetic system is more active than sympathetic system, as a result there's no tension etc. At least that the way I understand it and the way I can explain it.

VERY INTERESTING POINT !

Last time i had sex with my fiancé, it was just me and her in the house and i was able to last for 30+ mins ; on top of it I DIDNT even ejaculate ; i was able to lay it off. Later that same night , a friend and his girlfriend came over and slept at my place in the guest room ...me and my fiancé had sex again and I only lasted 5-6mins ; believe it or not i was worried about my friend and her girlfriend hearing us or walking in on us. To a point i felt rushed or in a rush when there were other people in the house which caused me to lose control ; this is not the first time , i notice it quite often ; I CANT relax when there are people around loool , i always worry too much

[wilson214 Member Find all posts View Profile Close wilson214]

This is also very true. "Liquid courage" they call it. It lowers inhibitions, the bodies "defense" mechanism. The same way it allows you to last longer, it has the same affect in allowing women to reach orgasm easier. It has a relaxing, numbing affect on everybody.

Not that I am condoning getting piled everytime you plan on having sex, even if it may be better and more fun lol

[lionmaster Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lionmaster]

I think you guys are right with Drummer. I was thinking that there's a correlation between watching porn frequently and PE. I think your explanation is very logical and makes absolute sense. I have been watching a lot of porn prior to getting PE problems. I had no girlfriend at the time, was working from home most of the time and had the time to take breaks when needed. Sometimes a few times a day.

But I'm always surprised how they last that long in porn clips. And I don't mean professionally shot films but even amateur porn - the dudes last forever! I want to do that too )

I agree with drummer 100%. Your mind is your own worst enemy when it comes to PE. You get all "in your own head", and you really psych your self out of normal train of thought. Relaxing in every aspect of the word, will benefit more than any exercise or teachnique you can learn.

Another thing is the affects of porn. I just recently quit watching porn altogether after being a frequent "viewer" for about 6-7 years. WOW. If I knew then what I knew now, no way would I have touched it with a 10 foot pole. The easiest way to break it down IMO, is that porn by nature, teaches your bodies entire arousal signals to "rush" to peak arousal points, when in reality, this should be happening slowly and gradually.

Bottomline, cut the porn now and reap the rewards. Ive noticed I'm more relaxed when it comes to sexual activity already, not just my penis, but my whole body. Breathing, pelvic floor, the whole nine. Retrain your brain to reach the higher arousal levels SLOWER and in control.

[lionmaster Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lionmaster]

Can't rely on that, man. Can't tell her "wait, I need a bottle of beer" on Saturday morning... ) Maybe a pill of some sedative would help )) But I want to get it under control voluntarily.

This is also very true. "Liquid courage" they call it. It lowers inhibitions, the bodies "defense" mechanism. The same way it allows you to last longer, it has the same affect in allowing women to reach orgasm easier. It has a relaxing, numbing affect on everybody.

Not that I am condoning getting piled everytime you plan on having sex, even if it may be better and more fun lol

[lionmaster Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lionmaster]

One other thing I noticed. I can masturbate for 20-30 minutes, even with porn. But when it comes to real thing it's much quicker. Do you, guys, have similar experience?

[steveshorny1 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close steveshorny1]

One other thing I noticed. I can masturbate for 20-30 minutes, even with porn. But when it comes to real thing it's much quicker. Do you, guys, have similar experience?

For me the real thing just cant compare to masturbating. I find when I finally do get sex, and youre there with a naked body wrapped around you, its just too much.
It seems all my edging sessions, mental training, kegels, & breathing techniques just dont seem to help, its like my brain goes into sexual overload and gets too excited too quick.
With that said I have managed to go from less than 1 min to approx 5-6 mins of real sex so its a small improvement I suppose, but yes I think every guy would like to have 20 - 30 - 40 min sessions of real sex and truly satisfy his partner.

Still trying to cure myself. Its a long long road.

[xgr44 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close xgr44]

VERY INTERESTING POINT !

Last time i had sex with my fiancé, it was just me and her in the house and i was able to last for 30+ mins ; on top of it I DIDNT even ejaculate ; i was able to lay it off. Later that same night , a friend and his girlfriend came over and slept at my place in the guest room ...me and my fiancé had sex again and I only lasted 5-6mins ; believe it or not i was worried about my friend and her girlfriend hearing us or walking in on us. To a point i felt rushed or in a rush when there were other people in the house which caused me to lose control ; this is not the first time , i notice it quite often ; I CANT relax when there are people around loool , i always worry too much

I have a similar story to share with you guys :

I was on vacation in Cuba with my ex gf.. we had a room on the 3rd floor with alot of Neighboors.. I have a problem with PE sometimes too.. its so variable.I can last from 4 to 12 minutes without alcohol and i had a few drinks that night.. Just cause i was thinking about people hearing us when i was pounding her cause me to ejaculate fast.. approx 7-8 mins and the night after she was giving me a bj i ejaculated within minutes just thinking about i was about to pound her with a lot people near us lol.. and the walls werent thick at all made me anxious alot!!! was not really cool.