HELP me guys , Letter of Petition to University.

[TruuCamp]

A little big off topic , but this is something that is lowering my confidence and making me depressed.
I just finished writing the letter , any of you with good grammar or have been in a situation like this care to offer some advice ?

Here is the letter - just a rough copy so I can incorporate some ideas. I have not done any alinement's just wrote it out on Notepad so bare with me


June 25th , 2012
Petitions Committee, Faculty of Health
Room # and Building, York University
4700 Keele Street,
Toronto, ON
M3J 1P3


Dear Members of the (Petition/Appeal) Committee:
I am writing this letter in order to waive the decision to withdraw for one year and petition for readmission for the fall 2012 term.
Circumstances that affected my academic performance were (1) health condition of my mother and (2) my working schedule.
My petition makes references to the following supporting documents (1) Appointments dates for my mother's illness and (2) Record of employment.


Coming into university, I didnt know exactly what to expect for the first year. I learned now that such fast paced environment requires full attention and commitment.
However, I was constantly juggling different agendas during the school term and this greatly affected my academic performance.
As the first born to a single mother , I am relied on to take some fatherly duties at such a young age. Moreover, the geographic distance between my mothers relatives
makes me her first choice for help and this put me under strong mental and emotional stress during the school year which impacted my ability to perform at my highest
potential. After my mother was diagnosed with type two diabeties in April of 2011 , a lot of changes had to be made in our household. There were days she simply lacked the
energy to perform simple house duties. She was advised to work less shift at work and always have someone by her side till the illness improved. During this time , I felt the
best thing to do was get a part time job in order to help her out and allow my little brother to live a happy life. With this in mind , I got my first job at UPS and started
working on August 26th 2011 , as a package handler. However, the job required me to work weekdays from 6-11pm everyday ; this gave me very little time to rest. As I got accustomed
to the work and school started , I was managing the first few weeks nicely until I hit the curb and fatigue took its toll. I had very little time to finished assigned readings
and work on assignments. I planned , to use the weekends sorely for studying and catching up. However, I found it difficult to store all the information from different
classes in just two days.
Due to my work as well as caring for my mother taking up most of my time. I was withdrawn from my friends , had very little time to enjoy life and most importantly I
was not fully focused on my education. Close to the end of November, I spoke to my manager about possible lower hours and he decline saying i was part of the company requirements.
I took action by leaving the workplace by the end of the first term at school. During this time I was behind in most of my courses and with my inexperience I didnt know what to do next.
Naturally , as a person I share very little with people and this limited me as far as options go. I was greatly stressed and could barely pay attention in classes. However,
onething about me as a person is my fight , I never thought about giving up eventhough the best idea would have been to drop some class I had no chance passing.
On the other hand , things remained negative in my househould , as my mother was still not working as much and we were behind in rent payments. She applied to a Co-Op housing
and again I went on search for another job , this time with more flexibility. Throughout, all of this I neglected my education and was more focused on helping my mother and
looking back at , it wasnt the wisest decision but it was something I had to do.


My future plans are clear now as I want to fully focus on my education. My mothers application for a Co-Op housing was succesful due to her low income and I am no longer
needed to contribute much to the rent payment. My younger brother has been admitted to a government after school day care program which also gives me more flexibility as
I am no longer required to drop and pick him up from school. Furtheremore, my mother's sister and her herbund will be completing their move to Toronto from Windsor by the end
of June , which will benifit me as they will helpher as I focus on my edcuation.
Finally , as an individual , I have taken the time needed to rethink my future and I am fully comitted to my education and willing to put every effort needed to be succeful.
As a result of my family issues been under control and the expreience I gained from my first year, I am confident that I will be more successful if given a second chance. I
strongly believe that with one more term at York, I will be able to bring my grades up above the required GPA with your approval of my petition.


Thank you for considering my appeal.


Sincerely,

[going411by7]

ruucamp,

You need to tighten this letter up a lot. I suggest you reduce it to half, even a third the length. Eliminate any content
that is not directly connected to your struggle to focus on your studies. It should be no longer than a single 8" x 11"
page, double spaced.

I would be delighted to edit it for you after you revise it a couple of times.

[Minuteman]

I somewhat agree, but I also think that you should keep the last paragraph where you describe that the problem was fixed and that you plan to solely focus now on the task at hand.

I have little to no experience with this but I think that clarifying that you plan to continue the studies and explaining why are you able is important.

Also I think you should not try to explain yourself as much as you should explain the situation, but I might be wrong. The point is that they should not get bored while reading.

[CUSP82]

Please follow G4's advice and willingness to help edit it. Trust me you can't get anyone better!

[BigO]

Please follow G4's advice and willingness to help edit it. Trust me you can't get anyone better!

X2, Let mr Going411 put his special touch on this. Overall it seems sincere and if i were in position to make a decision on your behalf the letter would certainly get my attention, best of luck.

[TruuCamp]

Dont mind this guys , just laying it out for going411by7


June 25th , 2012
Petitions Committee, Faculty of Health
Room # and Building, York University
4700 Keele Street,
Toronto, ON
M3J 1P3


Dear Members of the (Petition/Appeal) Committee:


I am writing this letter in order to secure a waiver of the decision to withdraw for one year and petition for readmission for the fall/winter 2012 term.Circumstances that affected my academic performance: (1) health condition of my mother and (2) my working schedule, have now changed. My petition makes references to the following supporting documents: (1) appointment dates for my mother's illness and (2) record of employment.

Coming into university, I didn't know what to expect for the first year. I now know that such a fast-paced environment requires
full attention and commitment. However, trying to juggle different agendas during the school year greatly affected my academic performance. My mother, who was diagnosed with type two diabetes in April of 2011 , required someone by her side until the illness improved. In addition, in order to help her financially, I took on a full-time job just a week before the start of the fall term. The job and her illness gave me little time to focus on my studies.

By the end of November, I left the job once I realized that my school work was suffering. At the start of the second semester,
I was behind in most of my courses and in retrospect, I should have dropped my classes since I had no chance of passing by then.

I pride myself in finishing things I start, but I certainly bit off more than I could chew this time. Near the end of the second semester, it was more than evident that I needed to reevaluate my educational and personal goals.

My future plans are clear now as I am ready to fully focus on my education. My mother's financial situation has improved, and
furthermore, she no longer requires my presence on a daily basis.

This year's obstacles have not been without their merit. They have given me the time to rethink my goals: Given the
opportunity, I strongly believe that with one more term at York, I will be able to raise my grades above the required GPA, this with your approval of my petition.


Thank you for considering my appeal.


Sincerely,

[going411by7]

I have completed the editing of your petition, good man. Best of luck with your renewed commitment. Let us know how
the University responds to your request.

Going

[Ash260]

hi i am in the EXACT same situation as you but my reasoning is that i took medication that caused migraines and mood swings have you heard back yet? Private msg me i also go to york maybe we can be of some kind of support to each other as my on going medical condition encourages me to be suicidal and depressive. Thanks. please reply!