How to not kegel while having sex

[Crispybacon]

For me, squeezing the PC muscle triggers an orgasm. This, like many men, is due to the furtive style of masturbating as a kid. Parents go to buy groceries, you beat one out as quick as you can for the pleasure that comes with ejaculating. This has trained my body to unconsciously kegel during masturbation/sex, leading to premature ejaculation. I physically cannot stop myself from kegeling. The instant I stimulate my unit my PC muscle tightens up, and when I cease stimulation I can feel my muscle relax again. I've tried really hard to "retrain" my brain to not tighten my PC muscle, but I don't know how.

Am I right to think that this is probably the main culprit of my PE? If so, what can I do to retrain my PC muscle?

[sdp12]

I'm no expert, but for me, strengthening it seems to help control a LOT.

[Auszlupin]

Originally Posted by Crispybacon

For me, squeezing the PC muscle triggers an orgasm. This, like many men, is due to the furtive style of masturbating as a kid. Parents go to buy groceries, you beat one out as quick as you can for the pleasure that comes with ejaculating. This has trained my body to unconsciously kegel during masturbation/sex, leading to premature ejaculation. I physically cannot stop myself from kegeling. The instant I stimulate my unit my PC muscle tightens up, and when I cease stimulation I can feel my muscle relax again. I've tried really hard to "retrain" my brain to not tighten my PC muscle, but I don't know how.

Am I right to think that this is probably the main culprit of my PE? If so, what can I do to retrain my PC muscle?

Ok your analysis is correct and I have the exact same experience as you. In fact, there are a lot of misconceptions about kegelling and premature ejaculation going on around the internet. It is NOT GOOD to kegel while stimulated in order to withhold climax. It is great that you recognize this. I wish everyone did.

First off, kegelling is still a great excercise and strengthening your pc muscle holds many benefits. It may even help you last longer. Just don't do it when you have sex.

Secondly, retraining your body's involuntary movements is one of the hardest things in the world to do. The number 1 way to not kegel is to not think about kegelling. Don't think about NOT doing it. Don't think about the way your penis feels. When you masterbate, don't do it with the intention of bringing yourself pleasure. Your hand should be moving and your mind should be off your dick. Same when you are having sex. Don't think about your dick and what you are feeling. Completely detach yourself.

Now doing that is difficult as well. I am no expert and I would love to hear from experts as to what they do. I have a friend that supposedly takes 30 minutes minimum to get off. I was at a party and him and his gf literally fucked for 4 hours straight. "In a way it's a good thing but at the same time most chicks get bored before the 45 minute mark" is what he said. I suggested that he learn how to kegel and synchronize it with his movements and sensations and he had no idea why anyone would ever flex the muscle that stops your pee.

Now the best I've been able to do is to learn how to breath correctly. Breath with your lower stomach. Take slow deep breaths. Your gut should inflate and deflate while your chest and shoulders don't budge. Focus on your breaths. Be in tune with where you are in terms of your stimulation, but only long enough to keep yourself in check. DON'T THINK ABOUT YOUR DICK. Just get quick updates in so you know if you need to slow down or take a deep breath. Focus on your environment, what you are doing, not on the sensations or pleasuring yourself. If things become too intense, I do a math problem. One that's very diffcult to do without a calculator. It takes a lot of concentration and immediately puts my mind somewhere else.

Basically, it's all about regulating your level of arrousal and all about NOT focusing on the feeling. It's like if you know you are gonna get hit, then it's gonna hurt. But if you put yourself in the moment then you don't really feel pain. Not until you start focusing on it.

Keep in mind I have struggled with premature ejaculation and am no expert. I recently got significantly better at lasting longer while masterbaiting, but at the same time my sex life just disappeared so it's not like I've been able to put any of this wisdom to practical use.

[slanker]

I agree with everything you have stated. PE is basically mental, unless you have always suffered from PE all of your life. I like the idea of doing maths problems to keep the excitement down, I tried that and it works. Keeping the kegel relaxed is key to lasting longer, however, contracting the kegel after a certain period (probably when your seminal vesicules are full and tight) is key to reaching a multi orgasmic state. So I would say, relax and use the mind as much as you can, when it gets too too much and you still don't want to come kegel as a last resort. Just my take I am still in the conditioning phase. Feel free to comment and correct me.

[vegetarian]

I've discovered that I last longer if I keep a constant rhythm to my PC contractions. I've tried masturbating without contracting my PC but the results weren't the ones I expected. I actually orgasmed faster that I expected.

[crackberry]

I was the exact same way as well. Auszlupin hit the nail on the head. Your pc muscles contracting at any point of arousal has pretty much become second nature after all those years of masturbating as quick as you can. Essentially what you're doing is forcing yourself to become a premature ejaculator without you even knowing it. If you're still doing it, I suggest you stop.

What I've been doing and has helped a lot is ''exercising'' the pc muscle to stay relaxed. Masturbating in the shower is a good way to do this. As Auszlupin stated keeping your mind off of it is key. I will masturbate and wash my hair at the same time, brush my teeth, sing a song and be stroking myself, thinking about the nastiest girl I've ever seen and masturbate to her. Seriously, ANYTHING to keep my mind off the fact that I'm jerking myself for pleasure. Do this for as long as you can until you reach the point where you start to feel yourself about to climax. At this point jerk yourself until you ejaculate, BUT try to keep your pc muscles relaxed when you bust (impossible I know, I have about 3-4 contractions at this time). I have made this my only form of masturbating.

What I've also figured out was that, when I'm watching porn by myself, I'd get a boner instantly which leads to me jerking it as soon as this happens. This was a big habit for me. I don't even remember when the last time I HAVE NOT done this. I believe this is also a huge contributing factor to my PE and probably the reason why I get aroused so easily by my gf and in general really. SO, I experimented. I tried not to jerk myself while watching porn. LOL WOW. This was hard for me. It was like trying to quit smoking. But I couldn't help myself. After a couple tries though, I gradually got better at it and would continue to watch pussies get rammed until my erection has subsided. Which at this point my pc muscles are now very relaxed and I am not easily aroused. (woot! progress). This has helped me stay flacid around my gf and keeps my pc muscles relaxed when we're messing around. She has to DO WORK to get me hard now.

Best ''excersise'' of all was actually getting my gf to help me. I was VERY VERY easily aroused around her and my pc muscles would go crazy if we did ANYTHING. One day she was giving me head and I decided to test the progress I've made by trying to last as long as I possibly could. After 10 mintues of it my pc muscles started to become not so relaxed. SHIT! I had to keep it under control somehow. So I tell her to concentrate on sucking on the head only. BINGO!! it works!! Granted I feel no pleasure from it I tell her to keep it up cause it feels great lol. 20 minutes of this and she's starting to get bored. So I try to finish up and jerk in her mouth, no dice. PC muscles are WAYY to relaxed. (this is good!) I fuck her mouth as if it was a pussy, still, after 15 mintues, no dice. I said fuck it I can't bust but she doesn't want to stop until I'm done (what a great girl lol). I proceed to boink away at her mouth for another 20 minutes and finally bust. Woot! My girlfriend is suprised, I'm surprised, I'm a happy man right about now.

I know these all sound ridiculous but it has actually worked for me. Bare in mind it is not easy to start off and stick with it. It takes a long time and a lot of discipline and self control considering you can mess up any progress you make by having your pc muscle contract too much/fast wether it be by getting a stiffy, masturbating, or quick kegals (slow kegals are key).

[Blub]

I agree with you Auszlupin and crackberry.
I am uncut and started masturbating daily pretty early. My glans was very sensitive, even touching it was painfull. But I still wanted to cum so I figured out how to use the PC muscle to get more pleasure out of it. Without having started any Kegel routine I can hold my PC muscle pretty long and hard. As you said, now it really sucks. I couldn't really control it when masturbating "normally".
Still, I think I made some progress. Masturbating with my hand, lubed up, stroking the glans, I can last longer. But when I use my Fleshlight it is whole different thing. Almost immediately my PC muscle contracts and I have to cum really early. I don't why there is such a big difference between the Fleshlight and my lubed, tight grip... I know, the real one won't feel the same (virgin) but I don't think I will last longer.
And: Why do you still recommend kegeling? I thought this was my main problem?

[crackberry]

lol @ fleshlight.

But to answer your question. I found doing kegals quickly did not help at all and stopped doing them completely until I realized I've been doing it wrong the whole time. It was until I read on here that you have to do them SLOWLY. 0-100% contraction over a period of 5sec and then back down slowly to 0% fully relaxed.

.

[Auszlupin]

I actually like the idea of a fleshlight as a training tool for Premature ejaculation.

[weakling]

Thought I'd drop by and mention my brief fleshlight experience:

I bought the stamina training model today. It made me immediately aware that I'm constantly flexing my PC muscle. Strangely enough, when masturbating, err, normally, I've only noticed involuntary flexing when I'm close to my PONR.

I'll try and use the fleshlight every day for 2-3 months (may prove difficult when you have roommates... sigh) and see if it makes a difference worth mentioning, then report back.

edit:

Heh. Already noticed less flexing on the second go. Then again, I even went so far as to play Advance Wars on my DS while humping the fleshlight.