How to juggle

[Qarzan]

I think this poem really sums up how I feel right now. It's entitled "Subtlety", by Tanya Davis. I transcribed it from this video here: Tanya Davis- Subtlety Spoken Word Performance on POP"T CULTURE TV - YouTube

Subtlety was never my specialty,
And so, without much thought to consequence,
I showed my heart and soul to many.
I left little guessing.
I was that book, lying open in full view, unprotected.
Some people told me I should close it up.
At least, choose more carefully which pages to show,
And maybe don’t expose so much.
Apparently, there is an appropriate amount of sharing, and I overdo it.
People are only comfortable up to a certain point,
And yet I go right through it.
Maybe I missed the training,
That day they went over closed book, and open book,
And how much was too much information.
Or else, I was there, but the lesson must’ve lost me,
Cause I thought its elements were slightly off,
And how could they possibly be the same for us all?
These days, I am trying to find a fine balance with this.
Give people a view of my sincere self while keeping some things concealed within.
Cause, I was told that I should,
And I’m curious to see
What it might get me,
And I’m hoping it could be something good.
Like improved defenses,
Or a heart less tormented,
Cause if I let less people in it to begin with,
I would be less likely to be injured when they left it.
If I could be more subtle, nobody would know when I was broken.
As it stands right now, though, I tend to break right open;
Spill out over coffee shop tables,
And try not to be noticed by the other patrons,
Cause people don’t like to see random strangers crying,
It makes them anxious.
If I could be more subtle, I wouldn’t make anybody anxious.
I wouldn’t make them order their coffees to take away,
Cause they were afraid if they got it to stay,
I would ask to borrow their hankies.
No, I would be normal, meaning discreet,
And this could be sort of amazing.
But, subtlety was never my specialty,
And so maybe it’s gonna be hard, suddenly, to start changing;
Holding people away;
Knowing when to keep them out, and when to bring them close,
And how to differentiate.
Anyway, I want people to know me.
That means the whole me, the true soul in me,
All the many parts in me.
The fragile, and the tortured, and the happy human heart in me.
So, subtlety is just never gonna be my specialty.

[Samurai]

Hi [Cathy]!

I've thought about it some more, and I really think it'd be great to share a bed with you. Like you said, we're already comfortable with each other, and I think it would be a good chance for us to get to know each other better. And for some nice cuddling, which I love. http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif

Anyways, I'll try to call, maybe later today, so we can talk about it. I'll try to catch you on your [train] ride back home.

-[Q]

Shit, dude. This message is loaded with sexual hints. she gave you no sign that she was up for something sexual yet(unless I missed something). She wanted to share a room with you to save money and I'm not saying she didn't like you but I have a feeling she wasn't thinking about getting to know you better in the bed. Qarzan, I remember your other thread(was it with Karen?) where you showed all your cards too fast by talking about dating when you should have let things happen naturally. I think you have this need(like a lot of men) to have everything out in the open before it happens, to know you two are on the same page. It doesn't really happen in the dating world. It seems to turn girls off to know that you were planning the encounter before it happened(unless she full on wants it too).

For example, she could be reading your message as:
I've thought about it some more, and I really think it'd be great to share a bed with you(I've been thinking about this a lot and am really excited about getting in to bed with you). Like you said, we're already comfortable with each other(we're ready for this), and I think it would be a good chance for us to get to know each other better(It would be a real good chance for us to fuck). And for some nice cuddling, which I love(I love foreplay and after sex cuddles). http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif

I don't know, man. I think you freaked her out a little. How old is she?

[Qarzan]

Probably around 26 or so. Yeah, the second message wasn't so great. Should've just left it with the first. Oh well, time to ask Betty if she'll share a room with me.

But hey, this was an improvement over Karen. Although Karen ended up being a really cool person and still willing to talk afterwards.

On the other hand, me having no barriers or boundaries doesn't mean I have to break right through other people's barriers. I should let them in as far as they're willing to go, and recognize when I should stop. The feeling I had was less of trying to "hook up" and more of just trying to challenge my own sense of how intimate people can be and still just be friends. This is partly what I wanted to portray by talking to her, and that it would come across better if I were speaking, rather than in a message. Maybe I should've just called her instead of sending the second message as well. Hmm...

[Ravenously]

I agree with Samurai. Sometimes it's better to be aloof about these things, and go with the flow. There is a time for directness, but with all the messages and whatnot, the subtext is " I can't wait to get you in bed". Oh well, live and learn, sounds like you have pleanty of options.

[MrBigDick]

holy shit dude, how many phone calls and messages did you send?

ONE... two TOPS... of ALL media. No 2 phone calls and two messages... no One Message and One Call, or two messages (emails) or two phone calls at the ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM! like drop dead total maximum. if you can't get everything out in those two seperate occassions, it doesn't need to be said.

I totally agree here. Nothing turns a chick off more than multiple messages from a guy, friend or not. I have friends that are like that. I call them and leave a vm and I don't call back. A. I know they got the message and B. They'll call back when they get a second.

[ryansambas]

I agree with all the other posters. At the very maximum between face to face conversations 2 calls/messages is the most. You can always chalk the first one down to what if this happened, but if you try a second and it's the same outcome you can't use all them excuses again. I remember when I was texting/fbing a girl who I got back into contact with after 3 months of not talking (since I met her), I texted her once though being an idiot I said 'I accidentally texted her' and of course I didn't get a reply back to that lol even though I said 'it was good to hear from you or something haha'. Anyway she texted me on a saturday night saying she was with one of my mates at a club (not hooking up), I think they wanted me to come to the club but I actually didn't have reception at the time (she tried calling me before texting), we had a longish fb chat and since she never answers her phone I texted her out for a coffee twice (within the space of a week so I didn't annoy her if she did get the first one), didn't get a reply either time and that was the last time I've sent/spoken to her (even though it wasn't proper communication since it wasn't two way!). So yeah two times is the most and if no reply then it's their turn if they want to get back in contact.

[Qarzan]

Ok gotcha. Although I was more approaching it as a friend type situation, and not that I was really after her.

Anyways, I do think that I'm learning faster, and my emotions are healing quicker, with each mistake. This one took about 3 days to pretty much get over. Each one will be quicker and quicker resolution for my emotions and logic, until it eventually becomes nearly automatic that I can process what I did wrong and move on.

[WalrusGumBoot]

Qarzan, I agree with the consensus here. Just chalk it up to experience and it is time to start making your own arrangements, if you hadn't yet.

[Dance Sucka]

Hi [Cathy]!

I've thought about it some more, and I really think it'd be great to share a bed with you. Like you said, we're already comfortable with each other, and I think it would be a good chance for us to get to know each other better. And for some nice cuddling, which I love. http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif

Anyways, I'll try to call, maybe later today, so we can talk about it. I'll try to catch you on your [train] ride back home.

-[Q]

Okay, right here and in many other attempts to contact Cathy you've been broadcasting some major insecurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrity. Girls hate insecurity in men, because they want strong men who are self-secure. You're acting desperate too, not strong or self-secure. Give up the thought of trying to GET WITH one of these girls and talk about fun stuff with Cathy instead. FUN STUFFS! You want to touch her all over, I know. Control your desire, because broadcasting it like that is desperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrate. One thing I've recently learned is that you need to make SMALL offers to women in order to turn them on comfortable.

So think SMALL

[KungFuJoe]

Am I the only one that got reminded of the movie "Swingers"?