Fiction: Episode One; The Spammer War

[JonPop]

After much furious activity, the draw bridge was lowered and all of the mounted Moderator Knights, led by the Kings, rode out.
They stopped while the soldiers that had been garrisoned outside the walls, formed into ranks.
A quick visual inspection by the Kings saw that the soldiers had all been fitted with the protective metal.
This had been very neatly applied as the metal had been cut into patterns and fit well with no gaps.

The Officers of the soldiers were at the heads of their ranks and reported to the Kings, that all of their men were accounted for, armed and ready for the march. The wagons were loaded with enough food and water for the men and horses, spare protective metal and medical supplies to sustain the army for 2 days.

It was still quite dark and torches that had been lighted all throughout the camp were now being extinguished.
The Kings, turned and with the Moderator Knights taking point, and flanking the convoy, headed out to do battle with the spammers.

Moving several thousand men at night was slow going, with a few mishaps along the way, but they arrived at their staging area with about 45 minutes to spare, before first light.

Sir JonPop Instructed Sir Kdub and Sir Stud to leave their horses and enter the swamp at the point they had discovered the spammer nest, to scout and report back.

Meanwhile, King Thunder had moved with as much speed as they could muster and still remain relatively silent to the far end of the swamp to position themselves to cut off the spammer retreat.
King Arthur had instructed the Captains of the foot soldiers to deploy right and left to form the open ended circle. When all were in position, they awaited the return of Sir Kdub and Sir Stud.

The morning was starting to brighten quickly when the two Knights emerged. They reported directly to Sir JonPop that all was well and the spammer camp was still there with most sleeping and just a few guards posted.
Sir JonPop dispatched Sir Want8 and Sir Loki to ride to the right and left to alert the Captains forming the circle.
Sir Sikdogg was to ride to King Thunder and his Moderator Knights and inform him that as soon as the Sun was visible cresting the hill, that they would begin the attack. As soon as they had delivered their messages they were to return here to bolster the reserve forces.
King Arthur was talking with the Captain's forming the part of the circle that would do the push up the middle and all were waiting for the command.

The Sun was just peeking over the hill, when the trumpets were sounded all around the swamp and the soldiers begin entering the swamp with fierce roars and battle cries. The progress through the swamp was very slow going as there were many obstacles, bogs and quicksand. The swamp was dense and the soldiers used their swords to clear the way as they advanced. Unbeknownst to the Kings and Sir JonPop when they had formulated the battle plan, the spammers now knew, that their laptops and the Ctrl Alt Delete device was useless against this new armor that the Knights and soldiers were wearing and had devised a plan to build many booby traps and to fight with conventional weapons.

Many soldiers were lost from falling into pits lined with sharpened stakes and ropes strung across the easiest access points through the swamps to release heavy objects to swing from the trees to crush an unlucky solder. Other traps would spring up when stepped on and impale a man with a sharpened wooden spear.
Many sniper spammers were waiting in ambush to shoot arrows into the advancing ranks and then fall back to the main spammer nest to do battle.
The spammers had many days to prepare for such an attack and had done their work, well.

The evening that Sir Kdub and Sir Stud had entered the swamp looking for the spammer nest, the had been observed, but had been allowed to leave. When they entered this morning, the spammers had made it seem as if the nest was sleeping while in reality they were springing their deadly trap.

Because the semi circle had been formed over such a large area, it was difficult to form groups to attack with any force.

The spammers were killing at an alarming rate, the solders, one by one.
The Captains of the 3 sides of the circle rode to bring King Arthur the news of the battle.

King Arthur and Sir JonPop decided to send in, on foot the heavily armored Moderator knights.
King Arthur had under his command, 30 Moderator Knights from Thunders and the Moderator Knights from BetterMan.

Meanwhile, King Thunder and his troop of knights were still waiting for the spammers to come running from the swamp in full retreat.

The Knights that were to be the reserves were now the main attacking force.

All dismounted, charged their squires with the care of their mounts and lances and set off on foot with shields at the ready to enter the nest of the spammers.
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[JonPop]

The Knights upon entering the swamp were appalled at the carnage and the amount of dead soldiers, fortunately almost all of the booby traps had been sprung, so they were able to make their way quickly to catch up with the rear of the soldiers.
Sir Kdub said, "We are very near the spammers nest now."

The Knights could make out the silhouette's of the large groups of soldiers converging on the nest site through the growth of the swamp.

Suddenly the were under attack, arrows were finding their targets in the unprotected soldiers and several hand to hand fights were ensuing.
Sir Uberschwanz took a steel tipped arrow to the breast plate of his armor and said, "Ugh" and fell to his knees.
It took a second to realize that it had only penetrated about an inch and that he wasn't seriously wounded. He broke off the arrow and continued on into the fray.

The battle had moved into the spammers nest itself and there was fierce fighting with the Moderator Knights deflecting blows with their shields and slashing with broadswords.

King Thunder and his Knights, arrived from the North end of the circle, as he'd figured something was wrong when too much time had passed and there was no sign of the spammers.
He and his Knights had entered on foot and as the spammers hadn't had time to booby trap the North end of the swamp, made good time, arriving at the height of the battle.
It was soon over, with dead spammers, soldiers and several Moderator knights strewn on the ground, some of the spammers were in pieces.

King Arthur and King Thunder met in the center of the spammers nest and conferred about the battle. They stood transfixed as the laptops, hand held devices, servers and processors, of the spammers, simply melted into puddles of hot goo.
A team of King Thunders intelligence solders were instructed to remain at the site to gather what they could and to secure the area.

The remaining soldiers and Knights carried their dead and wounded back out of the swamp to the wagons and the medical aid that was there.
King Thunder's and the Moderator Knights' squires, had brought their horses and lances from the North end of the swamp and joined them at the staging area.

Quartermaster corps was charged in counting and identifying the dead and dying.

The soldiers and Knights gathered around their Kings and all dropped to their Knees to give thanks for the outcome and victory in the battle against the spammers.

The count was a staggering 374 soldiers and 14 Moderator Knights killed. All the Moderator Knights that had been killed were one, from MOS and the remainder from Thunders.

The Moderator Knights from MOS had fought like demons in retaliation for the sacking of the Matters Of Size site and the death of their beloved King, Doublelongdaddy.

The best quick count of the wounded was over 500. A team had been sent back into the swamp to get a body count of the spammers.
The BetterMan Knights all came through unscathed except for some cuts and bruises and Sir Uberschwanz with the wound to his chest.
The magical clasps, luckily, allowed the breast plate to be separated from the sides and back of his armor as it would have been very tricky to pull the armor over his head with an arrow shaft stuck through the breast plate and his wound was treated and bandaged.

The Kings and the BetterMan Moderators and most of the Thunders Moderator knights returned to the castle to bring the news of the victory and report the sad loss of so many fine soldiers and Knights.

The Knights were besieged with shouts from wives, girlfriends, mothers and fathers for the identity of the fallen soldiers. There was much wailing and crying at the news. The Knights were not able to provide that information.
More wagons were sent to retrieve the dead.

Everyone that could pack into the great room listened as King Thunder spoke.
The soldiers that had returned to their camp outside of the walls were kept informed of the Kings words by word of mouth, relay.

King Thunder stood in front of his throne still in full armor and said, "My loyal soldiers and brave Knights, I salute you on the great victory over the spammers on this day. We suffered terrible losses of very fine men in the unanticipated ferocity of this battle. Yes, we had underestimated the cunning of the spammers and were counting on our new protection to carry us through with minimal losses. When we entered the swamp, we were not prepared for the traps that awaited us. But the bravery of everyone involved, guaranteed the outcome, which was total and complete victory over the spammers."

"Please accept my deepest gratitude for your bravery and the skill that you demonstrated in todays battle."

There were no shouts or beating of gauntlets on breast plates, this time, just Knights whispering amongst themselves.

Sir JonPop stood before the crowd and said, "You are dismissed to tend to yourselves and to eat and rest."

The many soldiers and Knights filed quietly from the great hall, except for the BetterMan Knights that had been assigned rooms in the castle.
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[JonPop]

The evening hours were very somber. The bodies had been returned to a makeshift morgue at the soldiers encampment and loved ones were allowed to come and claim the remains.

The Ladies and Wives of the ThundersPlace Knights had been with the Queen all day, sequestered in mourning.

The BetterMan knights while very sad at the loss of the Moderator Knights and even though the loss of BetterMan soldiers was very high as they had been in the center of the circle when the battle started.
A rider had been dispatched to the Kingdom of BetterMan to tell of the news of the battle and of the losses. The bodies of the soldiers would be returned when King Arthur and the Knights and the remainder of the army when the expedition returned home.

The Knights were never the less, relaxing and taking advantage of the hot baths and comely hand maidens, to celebrate the victory without loss to the BetterMan Knights.

Sir Uberschwanz and Sir Stud were sharing a bath and Sir Uberschwanz had been ordered by the Kings physician, to keep the wound dry for a least 3 days. He had cleaned and stitched the wound as he had, the gash over Sir Studs, right eye.
The two young, shapely and beautiful hand maidens that were attending to the two, had brought a large jug of wine and 4 goblets, stripped off their clothes and joined the Knights in the bath.
Sir Uberschwanz, was sitting as tall in the water as he could, to keep his wound dry and the water was only to his waist. Sir Stud had slid down into the tub and only his head was out of the water.
The two girls were across from the Knights, giggling and talking in low whispers. Their bare breasts were just peeking above the top of the water. Sir Stud slid across the tub and got between the two lovely girls and put his arm around each and whispered in their ears.
Sir Uberschwanz was watching this with interest as the girls both nodded, looked at one another and the cute little blond girl with curly hair, slid out from under Sir Studs arm and came over to sit with Sir Uberschwanz. She looked at the wound on his chest and said, "Oh you poor brave Knight, how did this happen?" He answered, "I was shot with an arrow in my breast plate and luckily for me, it didn't strike with enough force to do grave damage." She looked at Sir Stud and said, "Was he shot with an arrow also?" "No," said Sir Uberschwanz, the point of a sword went through a small opening in his visor and missed his eye by inches."

Both the ladies were enthralled and wanted to hear more about the battle. Sir Stud said,"Ya'll ladies forget about that battle, we ain't talkin about that stuff right now. What we want to do is fuck ya'lls brains out." And laughed.
They sat in the water until it was getting too cool to be comfortable, drinking the wine and hugging and kissing. Sir Stud had been playing with his girls breasts and she was marveling at the size of his erected penis and had remarked that all the BetterMan Knights that she had seen and attended in the baths, were extremely large.
Sir Stud and Sir Uberschwanz both laughed at this. And Sir Uberschwanz said, "Yes, my beautiful young lady, that's what we do at BetterMan, we grow our penises through exercises."

They got out of the now cold water and dried off with some of the Kings, fine soft towels and the girls led them naked to separate rooms and the beds.

Sir Stud and Sir Uberschwanz spent the remainder of the day and into the late evening making love to these two insatiable women. Finally the pangs of hunger led them to get dressed and down the stair case in search of food.
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[JonPop]

King Arthur was becoming anxious to return to the Kingdom of BetterMan and his Queen, as he, his Knights and soldiers had been gone for almost two months on this crusade to find and destroy the spammers.

Preparations were being made for the return march and many wagons had been borrowed from King Thunder to transport the many bodies of the fallen soldiers of BetterMan and the supplies they would need for the long journey.

King Thunder had said, jokingly, "Why certainly my Good King Arthur, you may take anything you need and when you return the wagons, you shall receive your deposit back," And laughed greatly.

The Knights, again dressed in full armor and clad in the reflective metal as a precaution against any spammer snipers that might not have been killed in the battle and also the roving bands of bandits that plagued convoys along the road they must take, to return to their homeland.

Princess Jennifer was clinging tightly to Sir Bret and wailing, "You must take me with you Sir Bret, I must marry you and be by your side, for always."

The King hearing this grabbed the Princess by the arm and pulled her away from Sir Bret, saying, "Princess, I have, all of your adult life, allowed you to have your way with handsome Knights to satisfy your overpowering sexual cravings. But, you cannot marry this Knight. Sir Bret is a fine, Nobel and brave man and I would be proud to have him as a Son-in-law and heir to my Kingdom, but King Arthur and I have discussed a possible union between our two Kingdoms, with the marriage of his Son, Prince Rob to you, Princess Jennifer Thunder. Prince Rob is a Nobel and handsome man and I have been told he is endowed with the huge penis that you crave."

Princess Jennifer's eyes opened very wide at this, she stopped trying to hold on to Sir Bret turned her back on him and said in a very excited voice, "Oh Father, I must meet this Prince Rob."

Sir Bret, was somewhat relieved. Although he had strong feelings for the Princess and the sex had been unbelievable and satisfying, he was very glad to see this fickle side of the Princess.

The Princess had skipped away to go have her hand maidens do her hair without so much as a goodbye to Sir Bret.

There was much fanfare as the wagons, soldiers, Knights and King Arthur crossed the draw bridge to wend their way home, to the Kingdom of BetterMan.

THE END.

[JonPop]

Tomorrow, the finale chapter in the spammer war. "The Black Knight."