A Laugh for the Forum

[JonPop]

Two young snakes were slithering along the trail.

One, stopped and said, "Are we poisonous?"

The other snake said, "Why?"

The first snake said, "Because I just bit my lip."

[realconcern]

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big dick or a good memory. I can't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four-letter words that are offensive to men -'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? (1) life sucks, (2) job sucks, and (3) the wife doesn't.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

[Thinman]

I've got one. A blackjack dealer in Reno told me this one. It's an old joke but then I'm an old man.

There were three couples, an old couple, a middle aged couple and a young couple, who went to a local church and told the preacher that they would like to join the church. The preacher said, "Well, in order to join, you must abstain from sex for the next two weeks". The old couple said, "No problem. We can't remember the last time anyway". The middle aged couple said, "Well, it will be tough but I think we can do it". The young couple said, " It's going to be very difficult but we will try our best."

Two weeks later all three couples returned to the church to see the preacher. The preacher ask the old couple if they abstained for two weeks and they said they had, and then he ask the middle aged couple and they said yes, it was tough but they had made it. Then the preacher ask the young couple and they said, "We were doing fine until yesterday and my wife bent over to pick up a paint can, and I just lost it, ripped her clothes off and took her right there." The preacher said, "Well then, You are not welcome in our church." And the young man said, "That's ok, we're not welcome at Home Depot either."

[kingpole]

Now im laughing!

[JonPop]

A day at the Home


I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
and all the patients were shouting, "13....13....13."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little
gap in the planks and looked through to see what was
going on.






Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting "14....14....14."

[jimbeam]

[FONT='Times New Roman','serif']girls night out

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...

If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of
humor.

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the
hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3
a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wa ke up, I cuckooed
another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when
totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =
MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock .'


When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'oh sh*t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and
then tripped over the coffee table and farted

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