[RIB2211]

Long story short, I was talking to this one girl for about a month. She ended up making out with one of my friends while she was very drunk (no one knew I was talking with her, I keep my private life very private now). I told her I wasn't mad at her, but I couldn't think about dating her again. She said she was really sorry, and blah blah stuff like she was mad at herself because she saw this going further. I told her I still wanted to be good friends and we talk and joke around a lot still.

Anyway, I jumped right back on the horse and I met a great girl. I enjoy spending time with her, talking to her, and such. Only problem is I still find myself thinking about the other girl (the one I cut stuff off with). I've been in this situation before, I had a great girlfriend but I kept thinking about the girl before her that manipulated me a lot.

I'm not looking for the clear cut advice of "stick to the great girl and ditch the one that made out with your friend". Has anyone else been in this situation before? I'm not a mean person, and she is still a good friend (not just a good person to date)...but I want to stop thinking about her this way...

[PhibbysHammer]

If you really want to stop thinking about her in a lustful way you will do it on your own in good time. If however you have a deeply rooted Lust for her, I'd suggest following up on it and see where it goes. If nothing else you'll get it out of your system. Remember though, she screwed your buddy and that carnal knowledge will always be his and hers and unless you can accept it to the point it doesn't bother you , it will never allow you to have a very strong relationship with her. Good friends are a wonderful thing, and "fuck buddies" are even better, so maybe you could be fuck buddies and not be constrained with intimacy on the emotional level?

Now a reality lesson: I would bet that if you were in fact to engage sexually with her that you would think about your buddy being there already. I'd also bet that when that thought occurs, it will devalue the experience and maybe even ruin it for you unless you have no "true feelings" for her in which case you'll be happy to be getting your hammer polished and tickled when thinking that you're doing her so much better than he did.
Either way, good luck and welcome to LIFE!!

[PESG]

Well Phibby, she didn't actually "screw" his buddy. Making out with someone is a far far cry from a sexual experience. Plus, she was drunk.

RIB, I personally think you are hurt by what happened with the old girl (even though you say you aren't). I have to believe that if that situation didn't bother you, then you wouldn't use it as your reasoning to take things no further with her. I think you need to talk to her. Your feelings are still running true with her if you can't stop thinking about her (especially in the presence of the new "great" girl). Additionally, it's not fair to the new girl for you to be spending time with her while your mind is on another girl.

[PhibbysHammer]

I guess I need a definition of what making out is then. Keep in mind, I'm not a teenager. When I was a teenager though, making out was sex.

[PESG]

Originally Posted by PhibbysHammer

I guess I need a definition of what making out is then. Keep in mind, I'm not a teenager. When I was a teenager though, making out was sex.

Kissing someone for an extended period of time. Unless RIB meant it as something else, that's just how I comprehend it. I've made out with girls that I haven't the slightless ounce of lust for. Teenagers often make-out when drunk with random people. I guess it's what they do now when under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol.

And of course you're not a teenager Phibby. You're a doctor!

[PhibbysHammer]

That's kewl. We always kissed and stuff (necked) in front of other people, but the things we would never do " IN FRONT OF ANYONE ELSE" was what we referred to as making out.

[vegetarian]

RIB, if you keep your private life secret you can try dating them both a couple of weeks. See which one is more suitable for a serious relationship (if you're looking for that).

Don't be afraid of making choices. Personally, I'm always thinking "what if it would've worked out better" with an ex, even if at that time I have a nice relationship. The things we don't/can't have seems more appealing and challenging.

[RIB2211]

Thanks for the replies guys. I connect really well in person with the new girl (who I will call Beth), but through text and such I talk a ton to the other one (the one who made out with my friend, who I will call Sue).

The problem is that Sue and Beth have a LOT of the same friends, and I go to a very small school. So as hard as I try to keep my private life that private, something always gets revealed (Hell, I was damn impressed I kept talking to Sue on the low for so long). So dating them both at the same time would not be a good idea for me vegetarian...besides, I'm not smart enough to pull that one off You nailed it though man, I constantly sit here and think "what if" about Sue and it is messing me up...

PESG: You're exactly right. I feel like I'm wronging Beth here even though I really like her. I think about her a lot, but at the same time I always find myself texting Sue or talking to her. The fact is I don't want to think about Sue like that...right now when I think about her it's on a purely on a lustful measure, whereas I want to start a solid relationship with Beth when I think about her.

[PhibbysHammer]

Ok guys, I appologize for being "out of the loop" with your generations "relationship" lingo and all so I'm going to play wise "Old Man" here.

When you are traveling through life just as on the hiways there will be forks in the road as well as intersections. If you know right where you are going and been there before it's easy, you take the right road and always find your destination. When you aren't sure and never been there before, it's not so easy. One thing is for sure though. When you stop at that crossroads and are faced with a choice, not only are you holding up traffic, you aren't getting anywhere either.

MORAL: Sometimes you have to take a chance and choose a direction and though it might not necessarily be the way you really wanted to go at first, you find places you didn't even know existed as well as sometimes stumble across the most wondeful surprises. So don't sit there going nowhere and holding up progress, Lead, Follow, or just Get the Hell out of the way.

[PESG]

It’s about following your heart RIB. Trust your instincts. If you want to start a solid relationship with Beth, then you should. If that relationship is based on a good amount of love and caring then you will soon let Sue go (if that’s what you really want). It sounds like Beth wants you to be her guy. Don’t keep her waiting too long or you might lose the opportunity. You'll be fine.