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Complete Control With Oral, Instant Ejaculation With Sex :(

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  • Complete Control With Oral, Instant Ejaculation With Sex :(

    Basically, with oral I often feel like I can last as long as I want to (even if it's really aggressive and highly physically stimulating), yet when it comes to penetrative sex I'm usually done in under a minute, sometimes in literally 5-10 strokes. The weird part is that this is true even though I purposely wear very thick condoms with my foreskin pulled over my glans to reduce sensitivity, and even if the girl isn't particularly tight. In some cases I can honestly barely even feel anything on my dick as I'm thrusting, yet something about it just sets me off. This happens even if I'm not feeling anxious, and even if my body and pelvic floor are relaxed. There is no build up to the PONR at all - it just rushes in out of nowhere and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

    Anyone else have this issue or any insight into it?

    The only thing that has ever cured me are various chemical solutions (dapoxetine, alcohol, tylenol/DXM) which is not the route I want to take. I've been working on reverse kegels, BC stretches, hindi squats, pelvic stretches/massage the past few weeks and will continue, but the huge disparity between oral vs. penetrative tells me there's something deeper at play on the psychological side of things, especially considering that penetrative is way less physically stimulating for me. I'll also have random instances where for no apparent reason I just feel in control and can go much longer (very rare though), and also with one of my ex's I was usually able to go for a good 10 minutes of moderate thrusting most times, yet haven't been able to replicate this with any other girl. Very frustrating and confusing.
    Last edited by Tooners88; 05-24-2018, 06:36 PM.

  • #2
    I don't have an answer for you but this is something I can identify with. I too am at a loss when trying to uncover the deep psychological issue. I've had maybe 2 experiences in my life where I was totally good for 10mins (usually last 10 strokes). I've obsessed over what I did that particular day, what I ate, etc. etc. trying to find a link but can't figure it out. This is why I'm sometimes skeptical of the cause being just a tight pelvic floor. I suspect that the brain knows sex = instant PONR and that link isn't as ingrained with oral.

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    • #3
      Maybe it's a deep subconscious anxiety or anticipation of penetration??
      Start: 11/2013: BPEL: 4.73" MEG: 4.5"
      Best: BPEL: 7" MEG: 5.625"
      Current:BPEL: 7" MEG: 5.5"

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      • #4
        Originally posted by rad5gbbr View Post
        I don't have an answer for you but this is something I can identify with. I too am at a loss when trying to uncover the deep psychological issue. I've had maybe 2 experiences in my life where I was totally good for 10mins (usually last 10 strokes). I've obsessed over what I did that particular day, what I ate, etc. etc. trying to find a link but can't figure it out. This is why I'm sometimes skeptical of the cause being just a tight pelvic floor. I suspect that the brain knows sex = instant PONR and that link isn't as ingrained with oral.
        I know there is research out there showing that ejaculation times on average are faster with vaginal sex in comparison to oral and even anal (I'd have to dig it up), and evolutionarily this obviously makes sense. I think at least part of it is that with penetrative sex there's a much bigger arousal factor since you know you're giving pleasure to her as well rather than just receiving - when I slide in and hear her moan it's a huge trigger for me. It also creates greater performance anxiety because you don't want to let her down by ejaculating too quickly when you know she's enjoying it. With oral there's less pressure. Oddly when I was younger I used to cum almost instantly from oral as well - for some reason that just went away with time and experience for no obvious reason I can pinpoint. Hoping to figure out how to re-create this with sex also.

        (As a side note, a good female friend and I randomly hooked up recently. Same thing happened - was getting oral with no issue at all for around 10 minutes. Felt totally relaxed, went to insert, still felt totally relaxed, then about 10-15 thrusts in PONR came with no warning. Come to think of it this was right around when she started really moaning and getting into it. Anyway, this eventually lead to me telling her about my issue. She's agreed to help me "train" with her a couple times a week so this will be a good chance to experiment and try to pinpoint what might be going on.)
        Last edited by Tooners88; 05-24-2018, 06:53 PM.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by master-gauge View Post
          Maybe it's a deep subconscious anxiety or anticipation of penetration??
          Yes, I definitely believe that's at least part of it.

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          • #6
            Could it be related to performance stress to please her? I mean, with oral, it's your pleasure only while during intercourse, she has pleasure at the same time.

            in the 69 position, is it the same?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by other_guy View Post
              Could it be related to performance stress to please her? I mean, with oral, it's your pleasure only while during intercourse, she has pleasure at the same time.

              in the 69 position, is it the same?
              Yup, I think that's a good theory and is at least part of the problem. I haven't done 69 in a long time but I'll try that out and see.

              Then again, despite having good control during oral, I'll cum very quickly when thrusting into a fleshlight even at a moderate pace, and even if I put a condom on over top so that the physical stimulation is minimal... though this could just be part of the same conditioned response.
              Last edited by Tooners88; 05-25-2018, 04:20 PM.

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              • #8
                My understanding is this is an arousal issue.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
                  My understanding is this is an arousal issue.
                  Yeah agreed, and I'm not really sure how exactly to train for this specifically.

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