Big Al, of MaleEnhancementCoach.com, answers questions about fantasizing during Stop and Starts and performance anxiety, in this Ask the Experts article.
Q. The Stop and Start recommends not using porn or even mental fantasizing…
…This make the exercise hard to do. I can see how porn might be bad for this exercise but what’s so bad about mental fantasies? Is mental fantasizing what you mean when you mention “erotic visualizations”?
Big Al: Yes- erotic visualizations refers to mentally picturing sexual scenarios. One of the reasons for this instruction is to remove the distraction (and negative conditioning) and to allow full focus on the tactile sensations.
Here’s a common scenario- one is engaging in sexual activity when their erection starts to fail. The typical response is to begin fantasizing about a favorite porn clip, a past experience, etc. There should be no reason why one can’t focus exclusively on the experience itself without having to resort to distracting one’s self with mental imagery.
It’s expected there’s going to be difficulty at first before the adjustment was made. As long as you acknowledge this and don’t take it to heart- and you continue to push through with your training- you’ll adapt. When you’re able to learn how to extract as much benefit as possible from mere tactile sensation when you do find yourself in a sexual scenario you’ll be able to get so much more out of the experience. This, combined with the emotional visualization process will allow you to have a deep, unencumbered experience.
Q. I do pretty well with edging exercises and I know there’s nothing wrong with me physically,…
…but I just can’t seem to focus on sex without having thoughts of performance creeping in to mess things up. Sometimes I ask myself why she’s even with me even though I try to put those thoughts out of my head!
Big Al: The issue here is how you shunt your issues into a combination of your sexual performance and self-value. Your body can perform well naturally in spite of these things- it’s when your mind adds its own opinions into the equation is where problems occur.
The emotional visualization portion of your Stop and Starts can be helpful with this, but even more important would be for you to take your time easing into stress-free sexual activities with a trusted sexual partner. You may need to introspect further- and if the issues persist professional assistance may be necessary.