Big Al, of MaleEnhancementCoach.com, answers questions about mental exercises and confidence, in this Ask the Experts article.
I am not masturbating at all. Ejaculations are only for training and sex…
…I know for a fact my mind holds me back. It’s just very hard to get my mind right. Do you think it would be a good idea to add that mind exercise to the routine?
Big Al: You should prioritize mental fortitude above all else. I don’t want to liken it to a “fake it to make it” type of philosophy, but there’s something to that. Get to a point in your mind where you visualize yourself being confident and unencumbered. Focus on the “feel” of that emotional state. This should be combined with the introspection that
- A) ANY mental blocks are the result of a lack of mastery over the ego, and
- B) giving in to the *potential selfish expectations of others at the expense of your mental well being isn’t worth it.
*Potential- because many men exaggerate their perceived need to fulfill certain expectations for size, performance, etc.
It is difficult to visualize confidence if you really don’t have it at that exact moment you know?…
..Surprisingly I’m pretty confident in bed it’s just when it comes to the most beautiful women I am attracted to that I feel nervous. The mastering your orgasms technique should help with all of this? Is there a certain time and place I should edge or music to listen to to keep calm and undistracted? I don’t know if that is even recommended
Big Al: It can be difficult to visualize it- especially if you confuse confidence with cockiness. With real confidence, it’s a state of being happy with yourself so you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Cockiness can be seen as overconfident actions which usually veil insecurities.
You’d expect the reverse with a beautiful woman if you operated on logic (more beauty=more arousal), but if you allow yourself to get intimidated by her beauty that’s when performance anxiety can set in. While beauty should be appreciated, it too is an illusion. You can close your eyes and feel just as much pleasure with a less attractive woman as with an attractive one. The qualitative difference is strictly subjective.
The Mastering exercise can help- especially if you’re using your visualizations- but the best way to overcome anxiety is to ease into facing your fears.
My recommendation would be for you to practice without any outside stimuli. This can be tough, but the rewards are worth it. If you feel any surges of fear, taking a deep breath and clearing your mind will help. Optimally, you’d perform when your T levels are highest- which for most is the morning time.