I’ll be honest. I don’t consider myself a fashionista. Give me a faded pair of comfy jeans and a super-soft t-shirt, and I’m a happy girl. In fact, thanks to working from home, my wardrobe consists of more pieces from Fabletics than Dolce & Gabbana.
For my men, there are only a few fashion faux-pas that I can’t stand – socks with sandals (unless there’s a medical reason you’re wearing compression socks), pants sagging half-way down your butt (no one wants to see that and it makes you look like you have Ooompa Loompa legs!), and any clothes that are dirty and/or extremely wrinkled (come on!). Now I can add a new one to my limited list…
Penis Pocket Pants
When I first heard about these fashion DON’Ts, I thought they were pants with an interior pocket for your favorite appendage. I wasn’t sure why anyone would want this, or how they’d be comfortable, but I was open to learning more. What I learned was I was wrong.
The “penis pocket” is on the OUTSIDE of the pants.
And, it doesn’t hold your penis at all.
And, to make the fashion tragedy even worse, it comes in a contrasting color, to accentuate your poor clothing purchase.
Anyway, the penis pocket pants are the brainchild of a Japanese clothier GU, a subsidiary of Uniqlo. They appear to be a Kim Jones branded pant.
And, yes, the pocket is somewhat erect penis shaped…
…and goes over the crotch of the pants…
… again, on the outside of the pants…
… and, yes, in a stand-out contrasting color.
I keep thinking this is a joke, folks.
The shame is these are actually nicely-tailored pants. Why anyone would ruin it with a ridiculously placed pocket is beyond me. I’ve been told that this is a functioning pocket (although, the website is in Japanese, which I do not read, so I could not verify this myself.) What exactly would you put in this pocket?!?
I guess if you put some money in there, you’re less likely to be pickpocketted, but can you imagine how awkward it would be to have to fish out a quarter from the bottom, while you’re trying to pay the cute cashier at the grocery store?!?!
The only true benefit I can see of this… ummm… unique?… fashion choice is you’d never have to worry about your zipper being down.
Of course, a nice pair of Levi’s 501s button fly jeans will give you this same advantage, without the penis-shaped fashion travesty.
Needless to say, I will not be adding these to MrKimberly’s closet.
What do you think? Would you wear these?