I get asked one question, quite a bit, but in a variety of forms. Basically, guys want to know how to please their partner. They’re often looking for specifics — tips, tricks, techniques, positions, etc.
I think these are noble questions — you want your partner to be happy and satisfied sexually!
Regretfully, great sex isn’t an Ikea bookcase.
If I could develop a manual that said — do this, then this, then this, then this… and every single time you’re going to blow your partner’s mind sexually — I’d be a bazillionaire! In fact, millions of dollars have been made on sexual “how-to” books and sites and programs and courses. But, sadly, those aren’t always exactly what they promise they’ll be.
There’s no surefire way to get your partner to orgasm every, single time.
There’s no one set of instructions that will ensure that if you do them just right, you’ll be a sexual master.
Great sex isn’t an Ikea bookcase.
And, I think once men really embrace this ideology they’ll become the superstar lovers they’ve wanted to be all along.
I’ve probably said this literally a thousand times over the last six years on PEGym, in posts, articles and private communications with members — All women are unique. What works for one, may not work for others.
What’s important is to find out what turns on your partner specifically. Ask questions. Take mental notes. And try to incorporate those things into your relationship.
Every woman is different — just like every man is different. And, to complicate matters even further, what turns on a woman at one time may not work another time!
You may find that you’re able to give your partner an orgasm fairly easily with one position, as an example. But, a few days later — it’s not working for her. That’s totally normal. The “Why?” behind this phenomenon can range from stress levels (or lack thereof) in other areas of her life, her hormonal changes as she naturally progresses through her monthly cycle, even your relationship stability can all affect how she physically reacts to different stimulation.
And, that’s OK.
And, that’s just one more reason why great sex isn’t an Ikea bookcase.
Great sex isn’t about having a cookie cutter recipe of – Do Steps 1 through 9.
Instead, it’s about communication and paying attention to both your partner’s verbal and non-verbal cues, while in the process. It’s about giving and taking energy and focusing on just the two of you, in just that exact moment.
Great sex is about learning about what your partner wants and needs, in that moment, and exploring how you can best fulfill that desire — whether this is your first time together or your 2,000th time together.