One of the most common things I hear from members is:
“I think my partner .”
You can fill that blank in with anything.
“I think my partner would like me to be thicker.”
“I think my partner wants me to have a longer penis.“
“I think my partner would like me to last longer.“
Guess what, guys? Most men are pretty crummy mind readers. So, why are you guessing?
My first question when I hear something like this on the forum is — “Have you talked to your partner?”
Communication is so important in any relationship. Rather than guessing what your partner wants, feels, thinks, etc. — ask! This is true in all aspects of a relationship, but especially when it comes to sex.
Only through open, honest and respectful communication can both partners make sure that their needs are known, understood and (in many cases), met. Even in instances when a need can’t be met, at least knowing your partner understands and has heard this need, can help remove some of the challenges that come from an unmet need. Plus, when both people are aware of a need, compromises can be made or steps can be taken to eventually meet that need.
However, if one partner is simply guessing what the other person wants, you are open to a plethora of issues:
- Guessing wrong — Let’s say you think your partner’s unhappiness with sex is that you don’t have enough stamina. So, you work really hard to improve your stamina, and now instead of lasting 5 to 10 minutes, you can easily go a half hour or more! Great right? Wrong, because you guessed wrong and it isn’t how long you lasted, but rather your technique that was simply not working for your wife. Now, you’ve actually made the issue worse, as she has to endure bad sexual technique for even longer!
- Appearing as if you don’t care — Guess what? Women are crummy mind readers too. 😀 So, let’s say you think your partner is unhappy with your penis size. You start doing penis exercises. You were right — your partner would like a larger penis; however, since you’ve never acknowledged her concern to her directly, she has no idea that you’ve noticed anything is wrong. (Yup, she can’t read your mind.) Instead, she think, “He just doesn’t care enough to notice I’m unhappy.”
- Making a problem when there isn’t one — You notice your partner doesn’t seem to be enjoying sex. You think it has to be something you aren’t doing right, need to do, or perhaps it’s your penis size. You work hard to improve all of these areas – improving your stamina and erection quality, working on enlarging your penis, and even explore techniques you hope will give her more pleasure. Nothing changes. Well, if you had talked to your partner, you would have found out your partner is actually very happy with your sex life just the way it is. She’s just not overly demonstrative. You’ve created a problem where there wasn’t one, and caused yourself a bunch of stress you didn’t need.
All of these problems could be prevented simply by talking to your partner, instead of guessing. Through good communication, you’ll not only avoid these issues, but build a stronger relationship with your partner.