I have a unique position here at PEGym, as one of only a few women active on PEGym, and the only female staff member, I get quite a few direct messages from members, asking questions or asking for my opinion.
I love these!!
Do you have a question or a situation you’d like me to weigh in on? Send me a direct message at forum name – KMWylie . As always, if your question is chosen for a post, your identity will be completely anonymous. So, don’t be shy! There are no dumb questions!
Check out our other Ask Kimberly questions here —
Q. I’m looking for some insight into what women like in relationships that keeps it interesting….
…Like men know women like to shop and have a companion. What about going out, like fine dining, or attention to them, like compliments, flowers, basically what keeps the girl always interested in the relationship? What do they hate/dislike the most? I’m not talking about cheating, or adverting there attention away to another girl, but what makes relationships boring, and that makes them want to see other men?
A. You are not alone in wondering what women want!
First, the most important thing to remember is — All women are different. Your comment, “Like men know women like to shop…” Guess what? I LOATHE shopping. Other than finding the perfect Christmas present for my family and friends, I would rather get poked in the eye with a sharp stick than shop.
Similarly with the other items — some women really enjoy fine dining. Some, like my step-monster, think spending an exorbitant amount on a meal is a huge waste of money, so taking her somewhere really nice is more likely to irritate her.
Flowers? I like flowers when they’re “Just because” flowers – like random Wednesday flowers. But, if MrKimberly were to give me flowers on Valentine’s Day… I’d be a little disappointed that there was no thought put into the gift.
However, these things are really neither here nor there, when you’re talking about keeping a woman interested in a relationship. No amount of “stuff” you purchase or places you take her is going to keep her interested.
Again, we’ll speak in generalities here, since women are unique…
Most women want to feel loved and wanted by their partner. You don’t have to buy her anything or take her anywhere to accomplish this. In fact, my best friend’s ex-husband took her all over the world and showered her with gifts always. It didn’t save their marriage, because he was a jerk to her. She didn’t feel loved. And, so after 15 years and 4 kids – she left him.
Make your partner feel cherished with your words and actions every, single day. Compliments are great – but they have to be sincere and they have to be specific (and unique). If you say, “You’re so beautiful.” every single day, eventually it becomes white noise. Instead, use specific, real instances to let your partner know how much you love them and why, as well as how thankful you are that they’re in your life.
Gifts and stuff are great! But, they aren’t an insurance policy for relationship success. Also, make sure they’re MEANINGFUL! Really think about your partner and what she likes and wants. A sweet, sentimental, thoughtful gift is worth more than an expensive, generic gift any day of the week.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, if you want to ensure your partner is happy in your relationship — talk to her. Find out what she likes. Listen to what she says, and even what she doesn’t say. When you’re out together, and she points out something she likes – make a mental note (or a physical note, if you’re forgetful, like me 😉 ). When you do want to surprise her with something look back at your notes and pick something she’d never expect.