Delayed Ejaculation/Retarded Ejaculation

delayed ejaculationIf you are a man who suffers from stamina issues or premature ejaculation, having difficulty reaching orgasm (known as delayed ejaculation or retarded ejaculation) may sound like a blessing.  However, it can be just as devastating, for both partners, as premature ejaculation.

Big thanks to, Pegasus, for the bulk of the content of this article and sharing his personal story! He is right, it’s a condition that doesn’t receive nearly enough attention.

Thank you again, Pegasus!!

Delayed ejaculation is a strange affliction in that many people want to tell you how lucky you are to have it. Many find it hard to relate to the stress /anxiety and frustration it causes. It’s not only the sexual frustration of being unable to orgasm and the partner blaming herself.  To this day, it is not that well understood and there can be a lack of available information, even in the internet age.

There are a number of theorized causes for delayed ejaculation. These include:

  • Pornography usage
  • Psychological issues
  • Physical/medical issues

Now one would think if one could ejaculate perfectly well solo and had a rock hard erection, ejaculation with an attractive and willing partner would be easy . If one did have difficulty, it must be completely in his mind, right?  Well, no . Let me explain and take you through my process of finding the issue and overcoming it .

Let me take you back to me as a teen . Now back in the day, porn was less available and not an issue. Nevertheless, I was a horny, anxious young guy, you know skinny, weird, socially awkward. Long story short. I found it difficult to find a partner, so I found myself masturbating to ejaculation multiple times a day.

In my case, I did not rush ejaculation and started to have extended sessions with dry orgasms, ending in an orgasm with ejaculation. So what problems did this cause? Was I tired and listless? Hell, no! I was an athlete, working full time and out trying to find a female partners (with only modest success). So this all sounds positive, but there was a downside; I developed the bad habit of using too firm a grip when masturbating.

This grip was firmer than the grip of a vagina and thus desensitized me to the normal sensation of having intercourse. So, when I went to have sex, I did not get enough “feel” to bring on orgasm. This was worsened by the standard advice of the time – to be gentle in your lovemaking.

This was not the end of my problems in addition to normal social anxiety and not being on the same page on social issues as those around me, the rare times I could find a girlfriend, I was not having the same sex experience . So here I was a dick that had little feeling and a high level of sexual anxiety. This sexual anxiety seemed to further cause issues that closed down the normal response that leads to ejaculation in men.

In most men, as sex happens Kegels move them toward orgasm. In most cases this happens subconsciously. In my case, this process was jammed by the anxiety I felt. This was particularly annoying as I had complete control when solo and was able to use Kegels to cause orgasm at will.

So here is our hero with a desensitized dick and malfunctioning pelvic floor. How is he going to get out of this one?

It is important to re-sensitize the penis . The procedure I used for this was simply to only masturbate with a light grip. I decided I could ejaculate as often as I liked through sex or masturbation. Now this sounds easy, but it’s not.

The problem was I could not orgasm through sex or masturbation with a light grip. Now this meant I did not ejaculate for some time . As the time without ejaculation rises, it becomes easier to ejaculate. So eventually I could orgasm with a light grip. However, this was only part of the problem and I still could not orgasm during sex.

As I had good pelvic floor control solo, I realized my pelvic floor was jamming my progress to orgasm when with a partner. The normal progress to orgasm includes Kegel-type contractions that I was subconsciously thwarting due to anxiety .

At this point, I realized making sex vigorous and playing a porno tape in my head would help . Having a long-term, helpful partner at this point is especially helpful . I realized a point of anxiety for me was orgasm in the presence of a partner . So after a long session of sex, I would, with her help, masturbate to ejaculation.Establishing that I could orgasm in her presence lowered the anxiety in my mind .

At this point, I was still having issues orgasming during penetrative sex, and I realized that while my pelvic floor was no longer actively thwarting me, I was not getting the normal Kegel-type contractions. I decided I might need to add a rapid series of driving Kegels to push myself towards orgasm . At this point I began having regular orgasms during sex. With my MMO ability already well established solo, I soon began working towards MMO partnered but that is another story.

Thanks, once more, Pegasus, for sharing your story!!

Speaking from the other side (the female side) of this topic, I can tell you it can be incredibly frustrating for the woman as well. Having had a partner who suffered from delayed ejaculation, I remember clearly being worried that I was doing something wrong or that I was simply not attractive enough. Even though I knew logically it wasn’t me, it still “felt” like it had to be me.

I know my concerns then contributed to his increased anxiety. Which simply compounded the problem. If any ladies read this article, I strongly recommend stepping away from your own ego in this situation. Your man needs someone who is understanding and accepting, without judgment or blame — a partner who reduces the stress he’s experiencing, rather than increasing it.

Interestingly, as men age it may become more difficult for them to reach orgasm. For age-related delayed ejaculation, one position that Clive Peters, author of Exploring Sex, Love and Lustrecommends is with the man standing behind the woman, as she bends over the bed, arm of a couch, etc.. This position can also be easier on the knees, back and hips, which can negatively impact a man’s ability to orgasm, and may even make it easier to perform the Kegels, as Pegasus did, to help bring about orgasm.

 

2 thoughts on “Delayed Ejaculation/Retarded Ejaculation

  1. I was very sympathetic to my boyfriend but was very rough with me .
    I felt very bad about this and I Blamed myself .
    my boyfriend Told me awful things about my body .
    my boyfriend wanted me to feel bad as well as he

    • That’s so sad, jenifer! Obviously, men experiencing delayed ejaculation are often frustrated, but there’s no reason they should take it out on their partner. It sounds like he wanted to blame you, rather than admit there might be something wrong with his own body. Again, so very sad. 🙁

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