Big Al, of MaleEnhancementCoach.com, answers questions about erection quality problems with the lights on and male incontinence, in this Ask the Experts article.
Q. I’m a borderline ED client who does OK for the most part but penetration gives me some trouble…
…I’m about 50/50 on performance when it comes to PIV sex and if I don’t have lots of foreplay beforehand then I know I’ll have problems. Help!
Big Al: First- by your own admittance you allude to there being a psychogenic component to your issue. Unless your partner is extremely loose, there’s no physical reason why you should be experiencing this problem. That being said, your complaint is a common one and rooted in selective performance anxiety. Positive affirmation exercises performed daily should be a part of your mental training- as well as emotional visualization exercises performed during edging/Stop and Starts and Kegels.
Engaging in lots of foreplay is always a good idea (unless you’re after a “quickie”), and until you feel you’ve mastered your issue this would be a good way of keeping up your performance.
In addition to the affirmation and visualization techniques mentioned above, you can perform a specific type of movement I call the “Kegel Thrust”. During your edging/Stop and Starts (or sexual activity) perform a Kegel and focus on simulating penetration to the best of your ability. FEEL the hardness of your penis as you thrust, and perform some reps where you penetrate deeply and can feel yourself fully erect starting from the root of your penis. You should also vacillate between these deep thrust techniques and simulating penetrating with emphasis on the dorsal portion of your penis by pulling your penis slightly towards your feet (if you’re in a reclined position) to put extra emphasis on the PC muscles as you perform.
This particular movement is best performed in spurts during your edging exercises, but do NOT Kegel continuously throughout your edging sessions as this in and of itself can lead to problems. Specifically, men who take up the habit of Kegeling constantly during edging and/or sex often find they HAVE TO continue to do so just to remain erect due to a negative conditioning effect.