If you were to ask random people on the street who complains about not having enough sex more — men or women — they’d say “Men!”, right? I mean, we all know guys think about sex every six seconds, or some ridiculous amount, right? We’ve also all heard the stereotype of the wife who “always has a headache.” Clearly men are the more sex starved!
The Sexless Data
When looking at the top 5 complaint-related search terms for specific phrases, this data showed lack of sex is definitely an issue for thousands of people. Here are the stats:
Search term – “___________ marriage”
— sexless marriage – 21,090 average monthly searches
— unhappy marriage – 6,029 average monthly searches
— loveless marriage – 2,650 average monthly searches
— sex starved marriage – 1,658 average monthly searches
— no sex marriage – 1,300 average monthly searches
Search term – “__________ relationship”
— abusive relationship – 5,867 average monthly searches
— sexless relationship – 3,675 average monthly searches
— complicated relationship – 3,563 average monthly searches
— unhappy relationship – 1,450 average monthly searches
— bad relationship – 1,363 average monthly searches
OK, not enough sex is definitely being felt by at least one side of the relationship. But, who’s doing the complaining? Let’s look at some more stats…
Search term – “my boyfriend won’t have sex with me”
805 average monthly searches
Search term – “my girlfriend won’t have sex with me”
413 average monthly searches
Let’s now look at married couples…
Search term – “my husband won’t have sex with me”
972 average monthly searches
Search term – “my wife won’t have sex with me”
1,048 average monthly searches
What Does that Sexless Data Say?
Looking at the data above, we see something pretty interesting. When talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, it appears the gals are doing a lot more (nearly double!) the complaining about lack of sex as the guys. That’s completely opposite of what I know I expected.
Now, the married couples changes things quite a bit; however, it still blows the “sex-starved male” theory out of the water. Although married men appear to be complaining slightly (less than 10%) more than married women, about not enough fun between the sheets, it still isn’t the overwhelmingly male complaint. It looks like men and women nearly equally say, “Not tonight, dear.”
Kimberly’s Random Thoughts on the Sexless Data
I’m going to preface this next bit with saying, I am not a professional counselor and, obviously, every relationship is unique. If you feel like the lack of sex in your marriage is negatively affecting your relationship, you should definitely reach out to a professional.
With that disclaimer, here are my thoughts. Communication, guys. Seriously. That’s what it’s all about. I discussed this with some of my friends — both women and men — and I heard something interesting. Both genders said there were times they wanted sex, but were pretty sure the other didn’t, so they didn’t instigate anything and went without. It wasn’t that their partner was turning them down. It was that they thought they would, so they didn’t even try. How many times were they wrong? How many times did their partner feel the exact same way? Lack of communication.
I’ll also let you guys in on a little secret, if you feel like you’re the sex-deprived in ther relationship. For the most part (and there are exceptions to this), women need to feel close to their partner to want to have sex. You don’t have to necessarily wine and dine her, but you do have to make that mental connection with your partner. Think about it. When you “wine and dine” your girl, you typically give her 100% of your attention. She feels special. She feels valued. She feels loved. It’s not the wine or the food. It’s you.
Talk to your partner and make her feel loved. Hopefully we can see those average monthly search numbers go down for both genders!