Why Do Women Always Go for Jerks? Ask Kimberly

ask kimberlyI have a unique position here at PEGym, as one of only a few women active on PEGym, and the only female staff member, I get quite a few direct messages from members, asking questions or asking for my opinion.

I love these!!

Do you have a question or a situation you’d like me to weigh in on? Send me a direct message at forum name – KMWylie . As always, if your question is chosen for a post, your identity will be completely anonymous. So, don’t be shy! There are no dumb questions!

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Ask Kimberly

Q. Why do women always go for assholes? …

…Why do the nice guys always finish last?

A. It’s a clicheed saying — Good girls love bad boys. — but why?

This is actually a really interesting question. And, I’m going to start with…

They don’t.

OK, before I get dozens of PMs telling me I’m wrong and recounting personal stories about how Girl A fell for Jerkface B, rather than you, who is relatively attractive, intelligent and an all-around nice guy… hear me out for a minute.

Yes, there are some girls who have some sort of masochistic streak. They enjoy being treated like crap. But, those girls are few and far between. So, let’s talk about the average woman.

It’s not that women like jerks. Rather, we’re definitely attracted to confidence.

Sadly, there’s a very thin line between confidence and arrogance… which jerky guys have in spades. So, a lot of women see that arrogance, mistake it for confidence, and are attracted to it like a close out sale on Louis Vuitton handbags!

If you’re a nice guy, who exudes confidence, you’re not just going to be the guy we’re attracted to, but you’re going to be the guy we’re going to want to marry. 🙂

I think this is the biggest challenge for most of my “nice guy” friends. They’re a bit insecure. This can even come across as needy. Both of those things are a really big red flag for women.

So, it’s kind of a vicious circle… They start off a little insecure, that makes them less attractive to women. This then feeds into their insecurity when they get shot down. Which makes them even more unattractive. It’s a horrible, every-increasing snowball of insecurity.

The question then becomes — What can you do about it?

Fake it until you make it.

Even if you feel really insecure – pretend to be confident. When you’re at a “target rich” environment, like a club or a bar, pretend like you are successful with picking up women all of the time. Now, I’m not saying act like a slimey pick up artist, but rather, when you approach a woman – smile with confidence, make eye contact, and talk to her with the mindset that she’s going to be interested in you.

If she turns you down – no big deal! Move on to the next one!

Just be careful. For the sake of womenkind – don’t let that developing confidence turn into arrogance. We need more nice, confident guys in the world! 😀

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