Mental Desensitization

[Wazza]

I literally just responded to a post with the same insight I am about to post here.

It only recently occurred to me, after reading posts of edging experiences in which sensitivity dropped after a certain amount of arousal time, that this affect could also occur in the mind!

It makes PERFECT sense. Imagine going from 0% arousal in the mind to 100% arousal in the few seconds of ACTUAL stimulation. This would only be natural to overwhelm you.

I think that, in this light, we can see PE as a result of sexual repression. If you do not allow the free flow of your sexuality in your mind and thoughts before getting down to business, you are bound to be overexcited and not last very long. When I say sexuality, I am not talking about watching porn, I am talking about REALISTIC sex. Simply get excited about the act of sex that you are going to be engaging in and allow your mental arousal levels to rise and plateau before getting in the sack.

Remember, watching porn will cause feelings of inadequacy that are truly just distortions of what sex is all about. Porn is shot in multiple takes (meaning there is plenty of time for the men to relax so they can last longer). Its not like pornstars are fucking for an hour and a half STRAIGHT. And even if some of them actually do, do you honestly think this is an accurate representation of human sexuality? Biologically speaking it would be terrible reproductive evolution if it took the species an hour and a half just to engage in sex... Note that the true average amount of time spent engaged in sex (after penetration) doesn't vary much farther than a few minutes before or after the ten minute mark.

Take this all in. Your sexuality is perfectly fine. Preoccupying yourself with worries and thoughts of inadequacy before sexual engagement is bound to do nothing but cause problems for you. Just let go of the worries. If your body is TRULY sensitive and you have an orgasm very quickly, this should not be a pre-sex concern for you. Why just assume that you aren't going to be able to satisfy your partner?

Just relaxxxxxxx. Allow yourself to imagine all the enjoyment you will have sexually and feel yourself get excited. Eventually, that excitement will plateau and stay there... its not going to go away!

Sex is not supposed to be a constant test of your manliness. Remember, if she was testing you she would do it BEFORE she fucked you.

[code_junkie]

Great post.

I just quit watching porn this week. I remember in high school and stuff I would watch soft core porn. I even remember wanking to Britney Spears' album cover, rofl..

As time progressed, I started watching more hardcore porn. I pretty much wouldn't even watch it unless there was anal involved and multiple girls. After reading some posts on here, I came to realize that this definitely isn't good and/or normal. So I'm quitting watching porn.

Just some insight into my situation: I Just got with a girl and I have some pretty bad sexual anxiety and lost my wood a couple of times with her. I was really disappointed in myself, which was what brought me here in the first place. I had a ridiculous amount of porn (like 300GB). I deleted all of it and no longer go to Pornhub and shit like that. I've also dramatically cut down on masturbation. So far, so good. I'm hoping to see dramatic improvement in both my physical and mental sex drive over time.

[Qarzan]

Very well thought out post. I totally agree 100%. Like Code_Junkie, I have also stopped watching porn; it had desensitized me.

There were several times that I couldn't get an erection with my wife (soon to be ex). After a while, I just learned to relax, take my time, and do some other fun stuff until it came back. I think it's pretty normal to lose your erection after a while, and it's all about how you let it affect you.