No idea where to start...

[jfrank]

Hey guys...

I know ive started a couple of threads so I will delete them if this is considered spam. But I just think I need to write everything out ive been told and feel into one to see where I can start because Im getting confused by all the advice, although I cant say enough thank you all for your time cause I have people to talk to this about now.

Basically, I can get an erection, alone or with my partner, to about 70% EQ max, however it dies VERY fast when stimulation has stopped. When my partner is giving me oral, I am able to maintain it for as long as she is going, intercourse is okay/might get the very slightest bit weaker, however when changing positions it dies so fast i need her to stimulate me so i can re enter her, and her on top is impossible, only missionary and doggy. I dont notice morning wood and when i do its weak. I can initually get an erection kinda fast, say when we are kissing/rolling around the bed, but its after stimulation has stopped or when ive given her oral it dies. There was one time we were sexting and it was the hardest ive ever noticed, and that was about a month ago, i was extremely aroused. im not as aroused during sex but i am still aroused. I also suffer from prem ejaculation, sometimes a lot worse than others. but this doesnt play on my mind during sex - i dont worry about the prem ejac, just my erection. I do sometimes worry about my performance etc, and when changing positions i do stress about how long it will stay up because it fades so fast. i do stress a bit more than the average person about relationships (not jsut sex), uni work, etc.

The thing is, I was with this partner in 2012 and this happened throughout our relationship. we broke up at the end of 2012 and 2013-2014 i had sex a couple of times and this issue was a problem. However I am now in a relationship again with my partner from 2012 and this is still an issue. I am terrified incase it is medical (venous leak).

I have been told a few things to try however I am getting confused with the advice, with my PC muscle being too tight/imbalanced and told to do rks only, however I will just give the description of my situation. I dont know if my PC muslce is too tight, or imbalanced, or if its normal, or weak etc:
For kegels, im not sure if im doing them correctly - I can stop my urine flow easily and it resumes easily. The flow is quite strong. I however cant tell if im actually doing a kegel when not urinating. I think im doing the same muscle movement when not peeing - my testicles rise a bit, however im not sure if its my stomach doing it, as i breathe in when doing it and my stomach moves in and my testicles rise, if i just breathe in through my mouth the same motion with the testicles happens. Also, ive been told some guys wont be able to hold it for a few seconds at all when first tryign this, however i dont feel any like stress or tensionanywhere when doing it, its as if nothings really happening?

For rks, I cant push my urine out faster when I pee so ive no idea how to do them

Any help is appreciated!

Cheers

[the journey]

"There was one time we were sexting and it was the hardest ive ever noticed, and that was about a month ago, i was extremely aroused." <----- This as I said earlier is mainly because you were in a relaxed position and felt comfortable with the situation. Much of this is in your head and to overcome it you will have to talk to your girlfriend about it and try to get comfortable and relaxed when you are in bed as well

[Sean Jacobs]

Hi jfrank. Wow! I can almost feel your high stress level when reading your post. I'm wondering if your issue with sustaining an erection is more mental than physical. Anxiety could be the root cause of the issue. If you have had trouble with erections with a partner in the past due to being nervous (which is completely natural), your anxiety level goes up the next time because you worry it will happen again. The issue then spins out of control and you have an ongoing issue.

If you start urinating and then stop it, you just did 1 kegel. So you are doing it right.

Prior to having sex for the first time did you have trouble with your erections during masturbation? Did you watch a lot of porn in the past (or currently)?
How is your diet? Do you smoke? Do you use recreational drugs? Do you exercise? How is your overall health?

[Cavalier]

Hello jfrank!

Have you seen a Dr about this? I wouldn't be jumping to the venous leak conclusion, it is very rare. The other thing are you taking any medication? There are quite a few medications that can have sexual dysfunction side effects such as ED.

[jfrank]

Emm, for masturbating, I can always finish, however sometimes i get to about 70% hard (my max i can usually achieve), then it goes a bit softer to say 55%, then hard again to say 60-65% for ejaculation. That has always been the case.

For porn, im not an addict and i will have no problems quitting. I occasionally use, say for 50% of the time i masturbate, watch girl on girl porn. My diet is okay...not bad not great. I dont smoke or take drugs, I dont exercise too much but im not fat, a bit chubby though. For overall health im fine. No medication or issues

[jfrank]

I seen a Dr in 2012 who said it would be very unlikely physical who then referred me to a specialist who said the same and just said try more foreplay. Hasnt made too much of a difference. When me and my gf split up I didnt really care about it cause no regular sex was happening however now were back im concered its still here. I was 18 first time, now im 21 (first time together 2012, now 2015)

[Sean Jacobs]

Emm, for masturbating, I can always finish, however sometimes i get to about 70% hard (my max i can usually achieve), then it goes a bit softer to say 55%, then hard again to say 60-65% for ejaculation. That has always been the case.

For porn, im not an addict and i will have no problems quitting. I occasionally use, say for 50% of the time i masturbate, watch girl on girl porn. My diet is okay...not bad not great. I dont smoke or take drugs, I dont exercise too much but im not fat, a bit chubby though. For overall health im fine. No medication or issues

Hmmmm. It could be an EQ (erection quality) issue. Have you tried jelqing? Regular jelqing can help improve EQ. I do 30 jelqs each day and have very high EQ every time I have an erection. (I'm 45 years old)

[jfrank]

Im kinda scared to do these kegels, jelqs, rks etc incase i make it worse or injure myself!

[jfrank]

What sort of physical reasons could cause this?

[Sean Jacobs]

Im kinda scared to do these kegels, jelqs, rks etc incase i make it worse or injure myself!

Kegels are zero risk. They are just a way of strengthening a muscle. Jelqing is a simple standard PE exercise with very low risk if you take them slow and with a lower erection level (50% would be a good place to start). Most men incorporate jelqing into their PE routine at some point. You could start with doing just a few each day and see how you feel. It works very well for improving EQ. Also, it sounds like 2 doctors have told you that it is not a philological issue so I can't see where some light jelqing will cause any physical issues.