25 year old male - losing erection before sex - advice appreciated

[anacondared Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anacondared]

Hello all,

This is difficult to talk about, but I'd really appreciate some honest advice as this issue is really affecting me at the moment.

Basically before September this year I had never had sex before, I have plenty of female interest but apparently alot of women / girls are too afraid to approach me, it was only in September when I became drunk with a friend that I eventually became sexually active.

We got drunk and I fingered her and licked her out, but because we were very drunk I did not get hard with her giving me a hand job or blow job. I was very deflated but put this down to be very drunk.

A few days later with it playing on my mind constantly I made it my mission to have sex with her, I took her home in the evening, popped some viagra and had sex for over an hour after long foreplay, but never came.
It was a very strange sensation as eventually my cock became numb and I could not cum so I went forever in many positions, she was blown away by the sex and said it was the best she'd ever had and never seen anyone go so long, she was a little upset I hadn't cum however.

The next day or two I had sex again but only used half the viagra 50mg tablet, we lasted a long time but eventually I came and it was amazing as we came together.

Fast forward to November 25th and I'm having an issue. I'm trying to ween myself off of the viagra but today and yesterday I had two soul-destroying events when I had gone down on my now girlfriend who I have fallen in love with and she has too but when I went from giving her oral to trying to penetrate her, I was not hard enough and eventually in went soft. No amount of handjob or blowjob could make it hard. She laid back looking devastated, she thought I'd didnt love her, it really broke my heart to see that. It then happened the next day and I almost lost my cool because I could not do anything about it.

Basically I can achieve strong erections masturbating, I'm very physically fit, strong, eat very healthily, don't drink regularly or do drugs and have no physical diseases or issues. I can ejaculate fine and can stay hard but I've noticed that for almost 12 years I've watched porn, I recently in September deleted all my porn and have tried to refrain from masterbating which definiately helps me to maintain strong libido but it makes me focused on sex all day. I even started getting wet dreams for the first time in my life.

I recently lost my job and I kind of feel like having once failed to get hard when drunk the psychological factor of stress and performance anxiety might be affecting me, but Im not 100% sure as I'm not depressed at all.

I don't know whether I have low libido because stimulation alone does not get me hard, I have to really imagine something to turn me on. But as soon as I avert my attention I go soft again.

Maybe ive given myself too much expectation from using viagra as when i use it I stay hard without any thought what so ever which is great but obviously unnatural. But then if I can maintain a hard erection for hours with viagra then I feel like it cannot be anything physical but psychological.

There isn't much else to add other than the fact I've had sex with this girl over 20 times, all great, but now I'm trying to go viagra free I'm running into hurdles. I can stay hard laying next to her and kissing definiately turns me on, but spending 20-30 minutes giving her oral then trying to get hard again is near impossible, she is very tight and so its hard to penetrate without a very hard penis.

It's only happened 2-3 times now, but it is affecting me to the point where I'm really questioning myself as a man, my abilities and just life in general. The first time in my life I attempt a meaningful relationship and the girl in question is already questioning my love for her and there is nothing I can do seemingly to rectify the situation. Shes understanding but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I feel sex is important to the relationship, without sex how can we work out.

I have been through 3 packets of viagra at great expense and recently ordered some cialis. I just feel this is a very desperate measure which I can't keep falling back on.

Any help would be greatly appreciated,
Regards.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

My guess is anxiety .

I would get a hormone test though . So not settle for being told "normal" you want the numbers.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Stop taking viagra and send vack your Cialis. You don't need that shit. Secondly, you need to talk to your girlfriend and tell her all of this. Of she's a decent person she will understand and work with you... But you have to understand that you are not your penis and just because your soldier can't stand at attention doesn't mean your tongue and fingers can't complete the mission. Lastly, I would suggest laying off the porn and masturbation all together. Sex isn't like masturbation and you're probably pretty desensitized from gripping too hard.

[Paul789 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Paul789]

Its not unusual to be able to go for a long time without cuming with viagra/cialis as these can sometimes be used by guys who have PE.
You can get very hard while masturbating, my guess is you use imagination while doing this, imagination acts the same way as porn. What you decribed sounds typical of PIED. Your brain is wired to porn/imagination/novelty.
Quit porn and wire your brain to real people only. This process can take many months but will be worth it. Many guys see a good improvement from week 12 onwards, depends how bad the problem is though!

[anacondared Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anacondared]

Thanks for the replies.

I don't watch porn anymore since at least September, and any imagination is of the girl I sleep with imaging her in position, moaning e.t.c from the last time I had sex with her or looking at pictures she sent me.

I feel like I'm fairly normal and sorted in that regard, theres nothing abnormal or unusual in when I go about my life however I feel like my erection could definiately be harder.

For example when Im about to cum, my erection gets incredibly hard as if it was on viagra, this is when I'am at my most turned on. Why can I not maintain this level of arousal during or before sex with the girl in question right in front of me?

One instance a few days ago, I was ready for intercourse having given my girlfriend oral sex, however after I took my clothes off and got in position, she asked for a tissue, I went to get one and when I returned I could not get hard again, and with her staring at me waiting to insert it completely killed the buzz. You can understand why I revert to viagra when I can take it and maintain fully erect even when walking around or watching TV.

In this sense I feel my bodily fuctions are intact but the drive or libido is not there or atleast requires more concentrated thought. I do remember when I stopped masterbating and watching porn for atleast 1-2 weeks I was getting wet dreams and was very horny, too horny however. I don't notice morning wood at all should I be concerned about this?

I've seen pictures and videos of some men with very soft erections but mine can be very hard however to penetrate my girlfriend nothing short of a rock solid erection would work as she is surprisingly tight for her age.

Thanks again for you help.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Hi Lets try another way, start off by looking at your life style in what you eat, just how much exercise you get, smoking, drinking alcohol, are you on any meds, got a stress problem, or anxiety or depression.

OK eating if your a fast and junk food lover and love to swig cans of sodas there's a good part of why your not getting the sex life you so want.

Exercise just how much are you doing? if its not a lot even doing 30 minutes a day of brisk walking is good for you.

Smoking? time to stop

Alcohol if its more than just a couple of beers a day then time to stop.

On any meds if so google then and look at the side effects, so many today have sexual problems as a side effect.

Stress is a sex killer, meditation is a great way to de-stress yourself.

Anxiety and depression are sex killers along with there drugs, again seek away to get on meditation, start doing that you can come off meds with your doctors help, see if you can find a local group for help into the art of meditation

Have a look at NOWHARDS MIX it will clean your blood, good erections need good clean blood it will do that for you, and look at the supplements I'm on they all do help.

NOWHARD

[Paul789 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Paul789]

Does anyone have an opinion if vaping is as bad as standard cigarettes for EQ?

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Does anyone have an opinion if vaping is as bad as standard cigarettes for EQ?

Anything we put in our body's that's not food or water is bad for it, try and just chuck it away become clean your find its healthy for you, and this is from a smoker who is between smokes for 21 years, you can do like me if you really want to.

If you don't want advice, why ask.

NOWHARD

[chrisarmour Banned Find all posts View Profile Close chrisarmour]

You can try to do the following :

Get Your Fitness On

Working out has an infinite number of benefits for the body. From muscle tone improvement to elevated mood and self-image, a good workout routine can lead to a more fulfilling — and a more sexually active one. By getting your fitness on, you are increasing circulation within your entire body, including your newly awakened nether regions.
Foods to Boost sex drive

Sometimes you need look no further than your refrigerator for a little boost. Pomegranates,Oysters, bananas, figs, garlic, avocados, almonds, chocolate and celery are just a few of the foods credited with releasing sex hormones, helping with impotence and improving stamina.
Chill Now (Netflix Later)

If you’re under high amounts of stress, relaxation exercises are great for getting to the root of the issue, which so often affects sex drive. While everybody relaxes in different ways, yoga, tai chi, Pilates, meditation and spending time in nature are all tried-and-true chill-inducing remedies.
Crack Open A (Supplement) Bottle

A little herbal help never hurt nobody, and supplements are an easy and natural way to get your fix. Herbs that are known to increase sex drive include yohimbe, ginkgo biloba, dong quai, Siberia ginseng and maca. Plenty of supplements on the market are filled with these beneficial herbs. Don’t forget to ask your doctor before taking anything.

Quit Smokin' Around

Throw away the cigarettes! Smoking is already known for its damaging effects on the lungs, but here’s a little extra tidbit; it can decrease sex drive as well. When you smoke, your blood circulation is being depleted of essential oxygen, preventing it from functioning properly. This decrease in circulation affects all areas of the body — including your sex organs.
Avoid Alcohol

Try and avoid alcohol. Even Two glasses of wine might be too many. Drinking one glass of wine can put you at ease and increase your interest in becoming intimate. But too much alcohol can ruin your ability to perform by affecting erectile function. Too much alcohol can also inhibit your ability to orgasm.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

What was the result of the hormone test?

[anacondared Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anacondared]

Haven't done it yet but I can report on Sunday / Monday I had amazing sex, twice in fact, lasting around 25 minutes first time, 15 minutes second time not including foreplay. Then masterbated later in bed with her.

This was however with about 75mg of viagra.

Now fast forward to yesterday and we had sex again, and this time I tried Cialis. I honestly don't feel it is as potent at all, the first time we had sex with it, she after some foreplay she was wet but incredibly tight, I tried to penetrate but I was in pain from trying to fit it in, which always kills my erection. Eventually we tried again and we had sex and I came pretty quick within 5 mins. But later we tried again and she was tight and it killed my erection again. Eventually we laid together and she gave me a handjob with me fully erect and I came over her.

Honestly I don't know but I feel like if she isn't sufficiently wet and I mean wet and extremely aroused, or hasn't been smoking or doing drugs / drink which she does, I cannot penetrate easily without seriously pushing against her which really hurts my penis. She has even told me she has snapped an ex-boyfriends frenulum before and I'am not surprised.

The times my cock has gone soft when trying to have sex is when it is only half in and Im not really being fully stimulated and am in a little pain from trying to properly penetrate.

Do you think perhaps this is a genuine reason for going soft and not particularly to do with ED?

With viagra my cock is incredibly hard, so much so I can push it through anything and can push through the pain without the fear of it killing my erection. Again laying next to my girlfriend and kissing her I get fully erect and hard, but trying to push it inside her when she is still very tight often kills my erection if I can't get it in without too much force. What are all your thoughts on this?

She has told me I have a very sensitive cock in regards to when she gives a handjob I tell her to be more gentle as she really is tugging on it, I was thinking perhaps other people are not as susceptible to the pain of trying to push through a very tight vagina.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Next time your having sex with this same women friend try using coconut oil on your penis and her vagina, you may find it a lot easer to get in and have sex, or your just well endowed with a good girth.

NOWHARD

[mannfred Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mannfred]

I may be a little blunt here but I think you have become psychologically dependant on Viagra.

I have tried Sildenafil, which is another brand of Viagra and I didn't find it that intense, the erections were a little more effortless but not the constantly cartoon hard I had imagined. I could infact have only a semi if I wasn't in the "mood"

Also how do you cope with the headaches and intense redness, christ I think I only had a half a 50mg and it felt like my head was going to pop haha (the one on my shoulders)

Which leads me to think that you could get just as hard with out the drug as with and your problems stem more from thinking that you can't

Or as Nowhard suggests, lube is your problem.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Using erection drugs is not the way to go, its best you wean your self off them and get back to your own feeling, why your on here do learn all about edging as a way of lasting longer, your find this a far better way to go than drugs, keep using them and your end with a non reversible ED,

ED that way is something you don't really want.

NOWHARD

[anacondared Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anacondared]

Yeah its definitely psychological but I think its down to the fact I've only really become sexually active this year, so everything is new. Also the hardness of my penis when on viagra is something you can't achieve without the drug so naturally when not using it I feel a little softer and am afraid it may go fully flacid at any time as when you are inside someone its not easy to really feel how hard you are. I had sex a few days ago without drugs and it was fine, I came pretty fast though as I wasn't trying to stem it. I remember yesterday I was licking her out and I asked if I could cum on her stomach as I'd been really horny all morning. She said yes, so I got up to cum and with her staring at me waiting and with the urge gone and trying to get it back it didn't happen and went a little soft, I went back to licking her out, touching myself and eventually got myself back to hardness and ready to cum and came on her. But I do feel that sometimes the feeling of someone watching, just like when you go for a pee, it puts me off somewhat.

For all intents and purposes though my girlfriend loves my penis, its thick and not too long she has said this multiple times and occasionally just likes to stare at it. She tells me of all the thin penises from taller boyfriends and even bent penises as mine is dead straight, so from that point of view I have nothing to worry about but interestingly Im very modest and so compliments don't really sink in at all.

NOWHARD: I've been edging for atleast the last 6-7 years without really even knowing it, I used to love the feeling of prolonging an orgasm then cumming alot. I've stopped watching porn and just look at pictures and videos of my girlfriend now so I was never addicted or over-masterbated. I think its just a new experience and obviously with a new girl you want to impress.

The thing about my GF is she is spontaneous and can be horny at the drop of a hat, her sex drive sometimes out matches mine as Im hornier in the morning. This is why I can get a little apprehensive as sometimes Im tired and want to chill and in no way horny enough for sex, so I have to go into overdrive to get in the mood. Girls only need to get wet, sometimes they dont even do that, so you have to get yourself hard, get her wet, then focus again on you and enjoy it.