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  • Quit drinking- mental block to sober sex

    Hi, new poster, long time reader of the forums. Would love some input on this, especially from anyone who can relate to my issue

    I'm 39, was a heavy drinker for 10 yrs (with a few breaks here & there)..now 10+ months sober. Have noticed a big difference when getting aroused for sex sober, since 90% of my sex during that time period was with at least a couple drinks in me. I know heavy drinking can cause ED, and I had issues from time to time having sex buzzed but it seemed the booze overrode any "mental" blocks I would have, of course it lowers inhibition. Seems now I don't get as hard and can become easily distracted or frustrated if the erection isn't coming as easy. I'm wondering if this could be a dopamine issue, etc as I know it takes the brain quite a while to "rewire" itself after quitting drinking. Cialis helps but doesnt do anything for the mental aspect obviously..Booze and sex always went hand in hand for me.

    Further info

    - Had gotten really heavy while drinking, now down 50+ lbs, back into bodybuilding style training hard and diet is great
    - Watched too much porn, have made a big effort to curtail that as I know its a big factor for me
    - Alcohol causes increases in estrogen, as does weight gain, so that was a double whammy, wondering if perhaps thats playing a role here since I still have another 30 or so lbs to lose to get lean-ish

    Supplements I take (besides Multi, fish oil, B-complex, D, C, Zinc, Magnesium)

    -Citrulline
    -Creatine
    -Gingko
    -Tongkat Ali & HGW (just started, 2 weeks in- noted libido increase)
    -Pine Bark extract aka pycnogenol
    -Boron (to free up testosterone according to studies)

  • #2
    Welcome to the forum!

    Something heavily in your favor is your awareness that the issue is mental.

    How easy is it for you to get erections outside of live sexual activity (training, etc.)?
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    • #3
      Thanks!

      It's generally pretty easy for me to get hard if i put on porn to do my exercises, kegels pump etc (though I try to avoid that). I get hard during some text convos with diff women and will get a few random boners here & there during the day if i'm relaxed. i will go through certain periods when I'm not horny/low-libido though i suppose thats natural

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      • #4
        It will help if you drop porno also. It is hard to rewire the brain with that.
        ALL THE WAY WITH GOOD OLE JAY!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Beef78 View Post
          Thanks!

          It's generally pretty easy for me to get hard if i put on porn to do my exercises, kegels pump etc (though I try to avoid that). I get hard during some text convos with diff women and will get a few random boners here & there during the day if i'm relaxed. i will go through certain periods when I'm not horny/low-libido though i suppose thats natural
          Working towards confidence with a trusted sexual partner would be immensely helpful. You may also want to review the following:

          The Detraining Effect: Understanding and Reversing Negative Habits To Improve Erection Quality and Sexual Confidence
          Want a FREE Month of Coaching? PM or email me for details- or CLICK HERE

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          • #6
            .
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            • #7
              I can relate maybe not to the extent you are at OP but I can somewhat. I quit smoking and nicotine also giving up coffee and switching to green tea and cutting down on caffeine. Giving up both really makes it hard to have a normal libido at times especially when daily stress is introduced but once your body adjusts the problems should go away. You have hit it right on the head its a dopamine release/reward system issue. All in all man just realize you are not alone with it and you will get those rock hard erections again. Personally I say stay off of erection meds because some peoples body and libido become dependent on it and wont get an erection without it, use it once and a while but never relay on it. If you are married or in a relationship talk to that person so they know what you are going through and it will pass.

              Best of luck to you and never forget everyday is leg day!
              Oct-17:EL 5.5" EG 4.8"
              Nov-17:EL 5.8" EG 5.0"
              Dec-18:EL 6.4" EG 5.2"
              Feb-19:EL 6.6" EG 5.2"
              Goal: NBPEL 7+" EG 5.6"

              Life's a garden dig it.

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              • #8
                Yup, I can relate, except the part about giving up drink. I have found it over the years to be a bit difficult having sex without drink. It takes off the edge of sex with a new partner. I don't know about any advice that I can give because I am interested in people's tips myself. I think as you get older the EQ dips a bit too, I have noticed that mine isn't as good as what it used to be. I am sure drink is culpable for part of that too.

                How is your PE going? Are you edging? Girth focused routines and stamina routines would be key. Heavy weight training would have always helped too, boost the testosterone naturally.
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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Big Al View Post
                  Working towards confidence with a trusted sexual partner would be immensely helpful. You may also want to review the following:

                  The Detraining Effect: Understanding and Reversing Negative Habits To Improve Erection Quality and Sexual Confidence
                  Thank you, definitely getting started with the info provided. Talking to a few diff females currently, I agree a steady partner would help a lot.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by DayoldMeat View Post
                    You have hit it right on the head its a dopamine release/reward system issue. All in all man just realize you are not alone with it and you will get those rock hard erections again. Personally I say stay off of erection meds because some peoples body and libido become dependent on it and wont get an erection without it, use it once and a while but never rely on it.
                    Thanks. Yeah totally feel it is in the mind. Its funny b/c when I'm having sex sober now, I have a hard time focusing sometimes. Like as if its too tame without the booze. Easily distracted.. Last week I was with a lady friend at her place in the afternoon and we got into it, midway through her son called and it threw me off, couldnt get fully back hard again. Little things like that..where as when I was drinking I wouldn't have cared. Its the inhibition effect I suppose

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Wishful10x8 View Post
                      It will help if you drop porno also. It is hard to rewire the brain with that.
                      Working on that, trying to go no-fap, thanks, you are definitely correct, porn warps your normal perception of sex.

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