28 years old - Why do I Struggle Do Get an Erection During Sex?

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Hello all:

I'm back again. I was here a few years back with the dilemma that is my ongoing sex life. A few years back, I was 24 years old and had yet to lose my virginity. I finally kicked the shit out of my shy, low ego self and started making some changes. Soon enough I literally for the first time in my life had women falling in my lap. Problem was, I had no idea what to do with them lol.

I came here for help, because I had rarely experienced sexual encounters before so I didn't know what I was getting into. My dick obviously wasnt cooperating, because I was terrified and I could barely last two seconds if any stimulation happened.

So I quit porn cold turkey. The new masturbation was edging, never cumming in less than 20 minutes. And yea long story short, I finally found a girl that was willing to work with me, and I had the first meaningful sex of my life with her(more than a couple of pumps lol) and ended up dating her for 7 months.

I had all kind of problems getting a boner for sex with her at first (like always at that time). But I tried to be open with her, and kept her stimulated by other means through the process, and eventually I was able to have a decent sex life with her. Although I didn't get too tricky with positions, because I was afraid that I wouldnt be able to hold the erection for say a good doggy style session.

And since the breakup, I've had a few partners here and there. Some better than others. Sometimes it's been little to no issue getting an erection and going to pound town, and other times it's been almost like back to square one.

But now here we are, the present. I'm 28 years old and single. I met a girl a few weeks back. Beautiful and just my type, and she is really into me. She comes home with me the night I meet her, and I have issues getting a boner for the sex. I blame it on the booze, although I know it's my good ole friend performance anxiety. Keep in mind this is probably the hottest girl I've ever brought home. And not only did this chick want to bang me, but she wanted to keep talking to me.

So we meet up again at her place. I can't stop thinking about this erection thing all day, just scared to death that it won't work. And of course, we start making out, and she says to me "Is it going to work this time?". And that just amplifies my anxiety by about 100. Needless to say, it didn't work out too well. And from then I was fairly honest with her.

I explained that I really liked her and I just didn't want to not please her. I told her that it had happened to me before with an ex, and I was able to overcome it.

So it went on, and now I'd say that we have tried to have sex like 4 times. I was able to get it in for a few pumps with her on top once (before cumming smh) and I got it in doggy style (first time) for a few pumps last night. But I'm still not where I want to be obviously.

She is really into me, and I'm really into her. I'm pretty good with my hands and my mouth in bed (from lots of practice when my dick wasn't cooperating lol). And she told me last night, that nobody has been able to get her off like I do. And she says that she gets wet just from kissing me.

But she is still frustrated that I can't get a constant erection and have sex with her without it being a struggle. I'm afraid that she is losing her patience and I don't want to lose her. She is a nurse and suggesting grabbing some Viagra for me or even getting me a cock ring.

This girl is VERY KINKY and VERY HORNY all the time and has already got me to do some kinky stuff. I think that scares me along with how much I like her. What if I just can't measure up to her sexual needs?

So at this point, I feel like I'm making small progress Everytime we mess around, but I just want to be able to start making out, get a fat boner, and fuck the shit out of her and I'm not there yet.

This has been the struggle for me my whole sex life. Always terrified of not being able to get it up. Sometimes doing better than others.

I'm almost positive that it's all mental. I never have a problem getting a boner when I'm edging (although I have to play with myself in order to get it going). I get erections when sex is not in the picture. I hooked up with a girl that was on her period recently, so we just dry humped and I was pretty hard most of the time, because I had no sex to worry about. I get boners when this girl dances on me when we go out or even reaches over to hold my hand on the couch.

So with all that said, I'm not sure what the best plan of action is. She wants me to take some Viagra just to get me "over this little mental block", but she doesn't know the extent of my problem, and I don't want to become dependant on a drug.

Maybe I just need to meditate more, journal out how I'm feeling, what I want, and all that stuff. Maybe even see a therapist before it's all said and done.

I don't want to lose this girl, and I'm tired of living my life being so damn afraid of bad sex.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Hi Reading down I two was thinking meditation, if your not into it yet find a local group to teach you the art of meditation.

But one of your problems is overthinking bad sex when you should be thinking of the good sex you have had with her, never think failure, I think you need a trip to dodsonandross.com there's a coupler of real good guys on there, I think can be of help for you.

Bila Kolbe look at his site the prom if you click on his name.

Lawrence Lanoff go on his site Tactra XO-Ho to Free Yourself From Sexual Shame click on his name

These guys could be of help, sorry your find these guys right hand side and down a bit.

Good site to join as you can ask Dr Betty questions and get straight answers, and its a site packed with sexual info.

NOWHARD

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

I’ve never had an issue getting hard with Viagra, and there are worse crutches. Relax, take the pill, get hard, screw the shit out of her. If you do this will help your anxiety no doubt and help you go it alone next time. Good luck.

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Hi Reading down I two was thinking meditation, if your not into it yet find a local group to teach you the art of meditation.

But one of your problems is overthinking bad sex when you should be thinking of the good sex you have had with her, never think failure, I think you need a trip to dodsonandross.com there's a coupler of real good guys on there, I think can be of help for you.

Bila Kolbe look at his site the prom if you click on his name.

Lawrence Lanoff go on his site Tactra XO-Ho to Free Yourself From Sexual Shame click on his name

These guys could be of help, sorry your find these guys right hand side and down a bit.

Good site to join as you can ask Dr Betty questions and get straight answers, and its a site packed with sexual info.

NOWHARD

It's hard to focus on the good sex when she tells me that she is frustrated. Don't get me wrong, she has been very cooperative. More than I could have asked for, but it's frustrating to me when it's frustrating to her.

Lately I feel like I spend 23 out of 24 hours a day worried about this issue. I have to laugh at myself in order to stay sane at this point lol

Does anyone know @Party where I can buy Viagra online if I do decide to go down that route? Then I don't have to depend on her lol

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

It's hard to focus on the good sex when she tells me that she is frustrated. Don't get me wrong, she has been very cooperative. More than I could have asked for, but it's frustrating to me when it's frustrating to her.

Lately I feel like I spend 23 out of 24 hours a day worried about this issue. I have to laugh at myself in order to stay sane at this point lol

Does anyone know @Party where I can buy Viagra online if I do decide to go down that route? Then I don't have to depend on her lol

Party, Yes he's a naked buddy of mine just PM him and he will help if he can.

But you really need something like meditation to clear your mind, you find it a big help, but stop focusing on the bad side and think of the good side of your sex life, anything that is not going you way look up about how to get over it that's where Dr Betty Dodson's site will come into play, if you have any sexual that you have been afraid to ask, you will find all the answers there, it works in the way of questions to Betty and her answers, and she only gives straight answers.

NOWHARD

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Party, Yes he's a naked buddy of mine just PM him and he will help if he can.

But you really need something like meditation to clear your mind, you find it a big help, but stop focusing on the bad side and think of the good side of your sex life, anything that is not going you way look up about how to get over it that's where Dr Betty Dodson's site will come into play, if you have any sexual that you have been afraid to ask, you will find all the answers there, it works in the way of questions to Betty and her answers, and she only gives straight answers.

NOWHARD

I really think I can get over this without the drugs. But a couple of people have suggested that I just pop the pill to get over the hump so I'm considering it.

I just don't want to keep wasting time and end up losing this girl over something stupid like this.

[Sticke Senior Member Member of the Month March 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Sticke]

Hello all:

I'm back again. I was here a few years back with the dilemma that is my ongoing sex life. A few years back, I was 24 years old and had yet to lose my virginity. I finally kicked the shit out of my shy, low ego self and started making some changes. Soon enough I literally for the first time in my life had women falling in my lap. Problem was, I had no idea what to do with them lol.

I came here for help, because I had rarely experienced sexual encounters before so I didn't know what I was getting into. My dick obviously wasnt cooperating, because I was terrified and I could barely last two seconds if any stimulation happened.

So I quit porn cold turkey. The new masturbation was edging, never cumming in less than 20 minutes. And yea long story short, I finally found a girl that was willing to work with me, and I had the first meaningful sex of my life with her(more than a couple of pumps lol) and ended up dating her for 7 months.

I had all kind of problems getting a boner for sex with her at first (like always at that time). But I tried to be open with her, and kept her stimulated by other means through the process, and eventually I was able to have a decent sex life with her. Although I didn't get too tricky with positions, because I was afraid that I wouldnt be able to hold the erection for say a good doggy style session.

And since the breakup, I've had a few partners here and there. Some better than others. Sometimes it's been little to no issue getting an erection and going to pound town, and other times it's been almost like back to square one.

But now here we are, the present. I'm 28 years old and single. I met a girl a few weeks back. Beautiful and just my type, and she is really into me. She comes home with me the night I meet her, and I have issues getting a boner for the sex. I blame it on the booze, although I know it's my good ole friend performance anxiety. Keep in mind this is probably the hottest girl I've ever brought home. And not only did this chick want to bang me, but she wanted to keep talking to me.

So we meet up again at her place. I can't stop thinking about this erection thing all day, just scared to death that it won't work. And of course, we start making out, and she says to me "Is it going to work this time?". And that just amplifies my anxiety by about 100. Needless to say, it didn't work out too well. And from then I was fairly honest with her.

I explained that I really liked her and I just didn't want to not please her. I told her that it had happened to me before with an ex, and I was able to overcome it.

So it went on, and now I'd say that we have tried to have sex like 4 times. I was able to get it in for a few pumps with her on top once (before cumming smh) and I got it in doggy style (first time) for a few pumps last night. But I'm still not where I want to be obviously.

She is really into me, and I'm really into her. I'm pretty good with my hands and my mouth in bed (from lots of practice when my dick wasn't cooperating lol). And she told me last night, that nobody has been able to get her off like I do. And she says that she gets wet just from kissing me.

But she is still frustrated that I can't get a constant erection and have sex with her without it being a struggle. I'm afraid that she is losing her patience and I don't want to lose her. She is a nurse and suggesting grabbing some Viagra for me or even getting me a cock ring.

This girl is VERY KINKY and VERY HORNY all the time and has already got me to do some kinky stuff. I think that scares me along with how much I like her. What if I just can't measure up to her sexual needs?

So at this point, I feel like I'm making small progress Everytime we mess around, but I just want to be able to start making out, get a fat boner, and fuck the shit out of her and I'm not there yet.

This has been the struggle for me my whole sex life. Always terrified of not being able to get it up. Sometimes doing better than others.

I'm almost positive that it's all mental. I never have a problem getting a boner when I'm edging (although I have to play with myself in order to get it going). I get erections when sex is not in the picture. I hooked up with a girl that was on her period recently, so we just dry humped and I was pretty hard most of the time, because I had no sex to worry about. I get boners when this girl dances on me when we go out or even reaches over to hold my hand on the couch.

So with all that said, I'm not sure what the best plan of action is. She wants me to take some Viagra just to get me "over this little mental block", but she doesn't know the extent of my problem, and I don't want to become dependant on a drug.

Maybe I just need to meditate more, journal out how I'm feeling, what I want, and all that stuff. Maybe even see a therapist before it's all said and done.

I don't want to lose this girl, and I'm tired of living my life being so damn afraid of bad sex.

You really need to calm down with your boners...performance anxiety is real! But in the meantime take some Viagra as Party said, it won't kill you but it will give you confidence. Try them and after sometimes try without them, if you are together then you can experiment!
Cheers

[Sticke Senior Member Member of the Month March 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Sticke]

It's hard to focus on the good sex when she tells me that she is frustrated. Don't get me wrong, she has been very cooperative. More than I could have asked for, but it's frustrating to me when it's frustrating to her.

Lately I feel like I spend 23 out of 24 hours a day worried about this issue. I have to laugh at myself in order to stay sane at this point lol

Does anyone know @Party where I can buy Viagra online if I do decide to go down that route? Then I don't have to depend on her lol

She gets frustrated because she thinks you don't want to do anything about it. Go to an urologist and tell him to prescribe you some, you are 28 ffs don't way for the pills to ship, jump on to bed fast

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

The worry, pressure, and perhaps intimidation factor will work against you. You must relax and attempt to approach your sexual activity free from negativity! Not doing this may actually reinforce negative conditioning.

How about if you scale back and engage in only those activities which don't cause you anxiety for awhile? Let your libido build until you feel comfortable pushing the limits. In the meanwhile, refrain from ejaculating outside of sexual activity, and pay special attention to your mind and don't swell on negative thoughts!

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Good news, i banged her today! Lol I just tried to keep things fun. Let her play with me a little bit while I was playing with her, and next thing you know I had a nice strong erection. I layed her back and started going to pound town. My stanima needs some work still I would say but hey its a start.

Making progress, I'm gonna get through this mental wall!!!

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

Also I would say she obviously loves when I use my mouth and hands to get her off, and I'm pretty damn good it. That is starting to help my pysch.

I'm confident that at anytime if she tells me she is horny I can get her off even if my dick isn't cooperating. Last night I bent her over and according to her gave her the best orgasm that she has ever had, she was still taking about it this morning.

The one good thing about this girl is that she is pretty easy to get off lol. She has the craziest sex drive I've ever seen in a girl. She has no problem having 5+ orgasms back to back in the same session.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

It sounds as if your mind set is moving in the right direction! You should not understand you had the ability within you all along

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Sounds like you are on track .

Just to eliminate it as a factor i would get a hormone test . Get the numbers.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Hi I think from what just been saying is your lack of the understanding of good foreplay, its a thing all women love, you need to understand how the female body works, you have two ways of finding that out one is to spend lots of time with your women in bed, but I do suggest you do a lot of reading, try and follow Dr Betty Dodson on her sit ( dodsonandross ) its all done in there way of letters to Betty and her answers and she pulls no punch's with them.

You either have to learn or lose your women and fast, also find a copy of Love Play by Dr David Delvin you can get a copy cheap and keep it at your bedside.

NOWHARD

[PositiveVibes27 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close PositiveVibes27]

So I did end up getting some Cialis to help with the confidence.

So anyways I took some the other night before she came over, she ended up being on her period. Obviously we started messing around and now there was no pressure so I was hard as a rock. She ended up giving me head and talking about how pissed she was that I was hard when she can't bang me lol.

A couple nights go by, I take the Cialis again. She comes over, no period anymore. I freak myself out with anxiety and can't get hard. She gets real emotional (we are officially dating now) and starts going on about how there is something wrong with me, she really likes me, can't believe this is happening, why don't you like me, that kind of thing. She even starts crying a little.

Needless to say this devastated me, because I really do like this girl and I hate to see her like that feeling I have no control over the situation yet completely at fault.

Yet somehow, through this devastion, we start making out a little later, and I get it in without really thinking about it. A few rounds actually.

In the morning, I was able to bang her for like 10 minutes straight in several positions and we both loved every second of it. No felt so liberated. I was happy, she was happy. We felt a nice bond.

Now she is coming over again tonight. I've got some confidence now, yet I'm still terrified of failure for some reason. I just can't seem to shake the thought of her in that almost in tears state that she was before saying, "Why can't I get my boyfriend hard?".

How do I get past this? Obviously both of us know that I have it in me now. The only thing holding me back is fear of failure. I just want to be able to relax and enjoy my sex life.

I guess I it is just a gradual process, since I've made this situation into such a mountain of despair in my own mind, but I want nothing more than to make amazing love to this girl problem free