A mysterious case of ED and PE

[kinkybull Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kinkybull]

Hello awesome guys at Pegym! This is my first post here. So please go easy on me.

A little background: I am 25 yo. Until a couple of months ago, I was a one pump chump. I felt like a miserable loser because of my PE. I could get close to beautiful ladies who spread their legs for me. But I could never enjoy sex as I cummed as soon as I tried to put my penis inside the vagina. I consulted a therapist (around 3-4 months ago) and he suggested a Start-Stop technique. From then on, I practised that technique and also simultaneously read a lot of posts from many awesome people here. Recently, I got close to a woman and I noticed that all the hard-work (with the exercises) paid off! I could fuck her like a champ (and not like a chump, haha). One day, I had sex with her for more than 2 hours. And on every other occasion, I had sex for atleast 45 minutes. I felt like a champion.

Current situation: A couple of days ago, I met a couple at their place. The husband was a cuck and enjoyed watching me get intimate with his wife. Everything seemed awesome. The only problems: 1) The wife was extremely unattractive, 2) Their place was not very attractive, 3) Very bad movie playing on the TV, etc. I didn't want to disappoint them. So I started making some foreplay with the wife. I had slight erection for a while. After 30 minutes of foreplay, I wanted to fuck her (just for their sake and not because I wanted to fuck her). When I took off my clothes, my penis was completely flaccid. Also, I am a grower... so, it was very embarrasing. I tried a LOT to get an erection, but couldn't get even a semi-erection. After about 20 minutes, I tried hard to get an erection and forcefully tried to penetrate her. I immediately ejaculated (without an orgasm).

This current situation left me extremely embarrased and compltely confused. The couple thought that I had ED and PE because I was extremely excited watching the wife. I couldn't tell them that it was the opposite, that is, I was not at all excited with the wife, as she was very unattractive.

QUESTION 1) I thought that erection can be achieved without being excited. That is, one can achieve an erection by stroking the cock for a while and by 'physical' means. Can someone explain why I couldn't get an erection even after stroking my cock?

QUESTION 2) I thought that ejaculation is solely linked to arousal. I wasn't aroused watching the wife. How could I ejaculate?

Hope I didn't break any rules of the forum. Cheers to you guys!

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Okay so you weren't into it. Get a better looking girl next time.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Ejaculation isn't always linked with "pleasure"- as pleasure and arousal can be considered different things.

Premature ejaculation is on the of forward portion spectrum of ED,

[kinkybull Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kinkybull]

Okay so you weren't into it. Get a better looking girl next time.

Yes, evidently I wasn't into it. I thought I could fool my penis into finishing the task. I failed utterly.

[kinkybull Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kinkybull]

Ejaculation isn't always linked with "pleasure"- as pleasure and arousal can be considered different things.

Premature ejaculation is on the of forward portion spectrum of ED,

Thanks for the reply! If possible, can you direct to sources providing more information on this? Also, can you comment on having erections without being sexually excited? (through physical stimulation only).

[Ellford Senior Member Member of the Month Sept 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close Ellford]

Current situation: A couple of days ago, I met a couple at their place. The husband was a cuck and enjoyed watching me get intimate with his wife. Everything seemed awesome. The only problems: 1) The wife was extremely unattractive, 2) Their place was not very attractive, 3) Very bad movie playing on the TV, etc. I didn't want to disappoint them. So I started making some foreplay with the wife. I had slight erection for a while. After 30 minutes of foreplay, I wanted to fuck her (just for their sake and not because I wanted to fuck her). When I took off my clothes, my penis was completely flaccid. Also, I am a grower... so, it was very embarrasing. I tried a LOT to get an erection, but couldn't get even a semi-erection. After about 20 minutes, I tried hard to get an erection and forcefully tried to penetrate her. I immediately ejaculated (without an orgasm).

Sex is just as much mental as it is physical.

You described a horrible mental situation (gross surroundings, physically unattractive wife, bizarre husband and background movie). I think I would have experienced the same thing in those situations.

If you're into that lifestyle (being a bull, MFM, swapping), then you might run into this from time to time. Either say to the couple early on "Sorry, I just don't think I can do this. I thought I could but I can't" then leave. That way they're not offended as you didn't tell them "it's you, not me". Or you need some extra help (pills) to get it up. Even porn stars have issues with this, which is why they have Fluffers.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Thanks for the reply! If possible, can you direct to sources providing more information on this? Also, can you comment on having erections without being sexually excited? (through physical stimulation only).

You're welcome

Please see the following study: Interplay Between Premature Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis.

Of note: "In conclusion, the present data showed that ED and PE are not distinctly separate entities, but should be considered from a dimensional point of view. Understanding this dimensional perspective might help sexual health care professionals in providing the most appropriate therapeutic approach to realistically increase patient related outcomes in sexual medicine."

To your second question- you're still using "arousal" to induce an erection- it's just [supposed to be] limited to tactile arousal only.

[kinkybull Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kinkybull]

Sex is just as much mental as it is physical.

You described a horrible mental situation (gross surroundings, physically unattractive wife, bizarre husband and background movie). I think I would have experienced the same thing in those situations.

If you're into that lifestyle (being a bull, MFM, swapping), then you might run into this from time to time. Either say to the couple early on "Sorry, I just don't think I can do this. I thought I could but I can't" then leave. That way they're not offended as you didn't tell them "it's you, not me". Or you need some extra help (pills) to get it up. Even porn stars have issues with this, which is why they have Fluffers.

Thanks Ellford! It is good to know that it is not a problem specific to my physiology.

Yes, you are right. Next time I should say it upfront.

[kinkybull Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kinkybull]

To your second question- you're still using "arousal" to induce an erection- it's just [supposed to be] limited to tactile arousal only.

Thanks for the link to the research paper! I will read it soon.

Yes, you are correct that I am still using tactile 'arousal' to induce an erection. But what I meant when I mentioned "I wasn't aroused watching the wife" is that on an arousal scale of 1 to 10 (where > 8 means close to ejaculation), I was between 3-4 when I was trying to forcefully get an erection and penetrate her vagina. I suddenly ejaculated. It could be that the arousal level suddenly peaked to 10 (due to some reason that I am not sure about), and I ejaculated all of a sudden. Mind is a complex thing.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Thanks for the link to the research paper! I will read it soon.

Yes, you are correct that I am still using tactile 'arousal' to induce an erection. But what I meant when I mentioned "I wasn't aroused watching the wife" is that on an arousal scale of 1 to 10 (where > 8 means close to ejaculation), I was between 3-4 when I was trying to forcefully get an erection and penetrate her vagina. I suddenly ejaculated. It could be that the arousal level suddenly peaked to 10 (due to some reason that I am not sure about), and I ejaculated all of a sudden. Mind is a complex thing.

Would you describe the experience as fun or were you too focused on performance? This alone can make a huge difference.

As for not being visually aroused, if this is the norm then you may need to introspect on why this is happening.

[kinkybull Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kinkybull]

Would you describe the experience as fun or were you too focused on performance? This alone can make a huge difference.

As for not being visually aroused, if this is the norm then you may need to introspect on why this is happening.

I was too focused on performance. It wasn't fun at all. I just wanted to get over with it. But again, I wanted to have sex for atleast 30 minutes and then get over with it.