i need advice i think my husband has ED

[Jenny121314]

hello, i found that forum trying to find answers online and wasn't able.

i believe my husband has (mild) ED or something is off.

we have an active sex life we have been married less than a year and are having sex often many times once a day and others less frequently.

now i will need to give you some more personal information maybe you understand what is going on since the first time we were intimate i noticed that he jumped to give me oral sex and mastrubated while he was doing it so much that the bed was trembling it was the first time i ever noticed something like that in my sex life never before someone had to do that and obviously it threw me of but i decided to be polite and pretend i didn't understand anything. when he got hard or hard enough we had sex. i though because it was the first time he might have stress and couldn't get hard easy and wanted the extra help.

but since then I've noticed many times that he doest get hard very fast and takes extra effort also i have noticed he does mens kegels (understood that after looking for it online) probably to increase blood flow when i do oral sex to him. many times even with Kegel and me performing oral sex he couldn't get hard so he resorted to going down and mastrubate.

anyway long story short i discussed some times about him not getting hard and he told me that it is mental because of stress and nothing to be worried and if we talk about it it will make it worse because he will think about it more. the other thing i have noticed is that he will perform oral sex only when he needs to mastrubate to get hard.never without mastrubation. which makes it unenjoyable for me because i think at that moment if he has ED or not that he prefers his hand than my foreplay he isn't into me etc....

i don't know if my suspicions that something is going wrong are right because in the end he can have sex but only if he mastrubates alone or use his muscles by doing kegels. he seems sensitive to the subject so i haven't really talked about it again after a couple of tries and him saying everything is ok and we have lots of sex which is accurate but i am concerned on what it takes to have sex.

other times i think that maybe he is used of doing that so it is comfortable.

i would be interested read your opinions.

i feel very weird about it and don't feel like being intimate many times.

also my husband is 45 years old incase it is of any importance.

[Zyxciz]

Is your husband circumcised? My opinion is that if it works with his hand and he can get an erection that way, it's better not to make a big deal out of it. At least he knows a way to make it work which is better than none.

[CUSP82]

Is he on any medications?

[Jenny121314]

hello,
yes he is!

[Jenny121314]

no medication. i have noticed he has varicose veins in his leg which some suggest can be related.
also he has quit smoking and he doesn't drink

[Ultimate Burrito]

I don't want to speculate so I'll just relate with my personal experiences.

The more time between sexual encounters, the better the erections. Having sex multiple times in a day can be challenging sometimes because I can't stay hard.

If I have a hard time getting hard, giving oral while grind the bed gets me hard most of the time.

Frequent masturbation makes it difficult to have good erections later with someone else.

Diet and weight plays a big role in erection quality.

Kegels work for me and is recommended and encouraged here in the forums for optimal performance.


It's not fun but maybe wait a few days to have sex and see if there is any improvement.

Ask him if he masturbates often when you aren't together or if he used to masturbate a lot. Go from there.

[Jenny121314]

his diet is very healthy, doesn't eat junk food we very often we eat healthy at home his weight is normal a few pounds over what he wants and finds ideal but not overweight. he doesn't mastrubate when we are together only we have sex. when i am not with him and travel he does mastrubate, some times twice back to back from what he has told me.
i do try for us to abstain but he seems interested to have it on a daily basis or every other day. but 99 out of 100 times he does kegels or mastrubates.

[Party]

Hey Jenn, welcome to the forum. I started having ED issues in my early 40’s, the first thing I had to do was accept it, not an easy thing to do for a man. You have to admit to yourself your not viril as you were. Once I made that leap I talked to my doc and started on Viagra. A huge game changer for both of us. That was 15 years ago and still going strong.

So, advise.

Talk to him. I know, you haven’t been together that long. We’ve been married 31 years now and she never talked to me about her frustrations. She just lived with my limp dick in the bedroom for several wasted years. Yes, my wife had some of your issues, feeling like it was her fault, ‘You just don’t find me attractive anymore.’ Jen, it ain’t your fault, it’s not his either, it just life and age, but there is help here. There are other cures other than meds. I know. So, how do I get him here? Again, talk to him. Good luck. This is a difficult issue for us guys but facing it is the first step.

[Jenny121314]

thank you for the advice i will try to address the subject delicately because i do understand it is hard for him but he thinks there is nothing there since we can have sex and that i focus on the negative. but from my experience i have never had a man need to do kegels or mastrubate to get hard. we are also trying to get pregnant with no luck so far which makes me even more worried if there is a problem he should check it out and see some treatment.

[Ujjayi]

Hi Jenny,

Thanks for joining us.

You could also have him join us here if he is comfortable with that. We would love to help him.

In large (pun intended), your patience and understanding will go a long way than nagging him. You can open up the subject gently. If you need suggestions for open communication, I recommend looking up any materials from The Gottsman Institute.