No porn/fap log, get sex life back journal

[jamoke125]

Many of you may know me from the larger flaccid injury thread. I have still not fully recovered and it has greatly impacted my sex life. I have not had good sex in 4 years now. However that is not my only problem. Since my injury, I started getting heavily into porn. Today I would officially call myself a full blown porn addict. I have tried to stop many times and had good streaks of no fap, but the hopelessness of my injury keeps creeping back into my head and causing me to relapse. I had convinced myself that sex would probably not even be good even if I quit porn because of my injury so why not fap. My head is thoroughly messed up from both of these things. I have realized though (many times actually) that i can achieve an erection good enough for penetration and that I probably can have a semi regular sex life again if I quit porn...until my addicted brain convinces me otherwise... Today I'm starting this thread to hold myself accountable and to log on and post whenever I feel a relapse coming on. I am more active here than reddit or nofap so I thought this would be a better place. I really need to get this monkey off my back and try to move on with my life. My self control is shit, my self esteem is shit, my self confidence is shit and my life is shit. I am a weak man. Drastic change is needed. No porn for rest of my life starts now. Go.

[YaBoi22]

Hello Jamoke.

I am familiar with that thread and read through most of it. Part of me believes I have some similar issues.
It all started after I bent my erect penis downwards. You can still get an erection but you feel it lacks in some way?

I believe my erection lacks some rigidity. It feels like it requires stimulation to maintain erect. If I stand up I will lose it within seconds. Do you feel this way?

[jamoke125]

Day 1 in the books

[jamoke125]

Hello Jamoke.

I am familiar with that thread and read through most of it. Part of me believes I have some similar issues.
It all started after I bent my erect penis downwards. You can still get an erection but you feel it lacks in some way?

I believe my erection lacks some rigidity. It feels like it requires stimulation to maintain erect. If I stand up I will lose it within seconds. Do you feel this way?

YaBoi22 yeah I don't know what causes it. My problem is not so much rigidity, it just feels different and detached. And it flops over to left side very easily, which previously indicated to me that it might be something with the fundiform ligament. However I now believe it may be partially or totally pelvic floor related as I have realized that shitting feels hard and almost as if something on that same side is not contracting right. Yes maintaining is an issue for me when standing up and to a lesser degree when lying down.

Bending the erect penis downward can cause damage to the suspensory ligament, but it also can cause a spasm in the pelvic floor muslces. Do you feel a palpable gap above the penis where the ligament should be? Look up some of the diagrams of the suspensory ligament. If you still feel it in tact, (which there's a 95% chance you will if it was torn completely I think you would feel at least some pain and a pop), it could be that you just overstretched the ligament, in which case if you don't re injure it you should be good to go in about a month. Sleep with loose shorts or naked at night.

Early in my own injury I noticed my erection pointing downward but it recovered after about a month. It could also be that it is pelvic floor related in which case I don't really know what to tell you. Sometimes hindi squat works for some people, but not me. Try some belly breathing, warm baths and making a conscious effort to relax the muscles down there. I have recovered 60-70% since 4 years ago through sheer luck. I think if you feel involuntary kegels it might be this. A doctor will tell you that the suspensory ligament will not affect rigidity in the penis (though I don't have too much faith in doctors these days). Good luck.

EDIT: take note of how it is when getting a semi. Another theory I have that would link to pelvic floor dysfunction and possible male organ prolapse because there is constantly a bulge and torsion on my main injured side when flaccid and semi.

[YaBoi22]

Day 1 in the books

I sincerely hope that you get better man.
Taking that stuff out of your life is only going to help you.
I also fell into that trap of getting back into porn and I already feel its a negative.
It just doesn't make feel good about myself.

Thank you for your response.
It has been 3 months since my injury I wish I took it easier from the start but being young and dumb I did not... guess I really never heard of someone injuring their penis. I'm glad I found forums like this though, it is comforting in a strange way. I've learned a lot from reading on this site so at least there are some positives.

[jamoke125]

Thank you YaBoi22.

Day 2 and 3 done.

[jamoke125]

Day 4 relapse...starting over

[wannahaveagoodtime]

Don't do it. Start exercising & keep yourself busy in something. I've also been suffering from the same thing for 1+ years. I know how that feels. Just be strong & make yourself believe that you can do it. Take it week wise. Don't go for too long-term goals for now

[jamoke125]

Don't do it. Start exercising & keep yourself busy in something. I've also been suffering from the same thing for 1+ years. I know how that feels. Just be strong & make yourself believe that you can do it. Take it week wise. Don't go for too long-term goals for now

Thank you for the words man. Good luck to you on your journey. The urges just seem to creep up on me until I can't control them and throw reason out the window. That's addiction for you I guess haha...back on the horse though, day 1 complete.

[jamoke125]

So relapsed again...almost lost my mind with frustration, but day 2 of another new streak completed. This is going to be an extremely tough task, I'm so addicted I think I'm already feeling some intense withdrawal. Just gotta keep chugging.