Purely mental PE & ED - advice please

[exiled_oblivion Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close exiled_oblivion]

tldr: Ended a 9 year completely sexless relationship about 2 years ago, recently got myself a FWB. PIV is a big deal for her, but my junk ain't cooperating; it's a purely mental/worrying issue, not a medical one.

More details:

• I get very hard very easily with any stimulation of my penis, but maintaining it while concentrating on foreplay for her (i.e. with little to no stimulation for me) seems impossible. So I don't think it's a medical issue.

• If she's playing with my penis to keep me hard and then we move to go for PIV, either I go completely flaccid or suddenly rocket towards orgasm (depending how aroused I was)
  • Immediately prior to PIV I've gone flaccid in seconds on two separate occasions now.
  • The other day I just managed to get the tip in, but came immediately. She sounded understanding but looked a bit disappointed.

• Used to use porn a lot but stopped as soon as I started seeing her - a few weeks off seemed to make the PE worse if anything (although it increased my libido, ironically)

• I've talked to her about it and she's very understanding. She seems to be being a bit more careful about asking for PIV now.

• I'm giving her some pretty giant orgasms with my fingers and mouth, so for now she's happy but not sure how long that will last

• I'm in marginally-above-average physical shape. It's been a quiet winter at work so that probably didn't help, but recently I've been doing more physical work and it's starting to show. Also started protein shakes and bodyweight workouts at home recently (mainly to get me in shape for work's summer hell)...I'm hoping the shakes don't have anything that might cause a negative effect in them?

• I'm aware that my penis seems to be pretty sensitive. I've never been able to masturbate as hard/enthusiastically as other people appear to be able to unless I've already had at least one orgasm. I am uncircumcised, which may be part of the issue so I'm currently trying to spend more time with my foreskin retracted in an attempt to try and reduce sensitivity a little.

• Tried out a supplement called 'Golden Bull' (bought off Amazon) last week. It did seem to improve EQ a bit (not that it needed improving), but at the expense of a slightly fuzzy head. Also noticed that my legs ached a lot when in bed for a day or two after, not sure if that was related or not. Was hoping to use this is a short-term stop gap to get over this and wean off, but don't want to risk the leg thing again if I'm working the next day, so haven't tried it while having sex with her yet. Don't particularly want to go down the blue pill route as I've read that it can screw your blood pressure etc.

• Initially I thought the ED might be as a result of bad condom sizing, so recently measured myself and ordered some MySize condoms instead. They're definitely way easier to put on so that's probably helped a little, but my point here is that condom size is now not the issue.

• This is not a generalised anxiety/depression issue - I'm pretty cool with myself in terms of self-confidence and all that, and don't suffer from any other mental health issues. However obviously now I'm overly concerned with staying hard and/or lasting longer. I'm aware that this is the problem and that I need to figure out how to STOP thinking about it; I'm normally pretty good at changing my thought processes, but this one seems to be stubborn to shift.

Any and all advice welcomed. Particularly anything I can do to control those thoughts.

Thanks

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Wow are you lucky. Okay so you have an issue or two but you got a woman who seems like she's willing to work with you on that. If that doesn't take the pressure off your performance issue than you need new brain. If I was you I would "work" on my issue as often as I could with her.

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

tldr: Ended a 9 year completely sexless relationship about 2 years ago, recently got myself a FWB. PIV is a big deal for her, but my junk ain't cooperating; it's a purely mental/worrying issue, not a medical one.


Any and all advice welcomed. Particularly anything I can do to control those thoughts.

Thanks

I'd say get into a regular edging routine with some yoga/pelvic floor stretching to supplement.

[exiled_oblivion Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close exiled_oblivion]

I'd say get into a regular edging routine with some yoga/pelvic floor stretching to supplement.

I don't edging is going to help much - until I met this chick I would regularly be able to edge for ages (literally hours sometimes) to porn. Unless there's a difference between getting to the edge and completely stopping vs just going really slowly to keep yourself right on the edge (the latter is what i was doing).

I am, however, currently working on kegels and reverse kegels. I've noticed that can definitely help me keep SOME control when masturbating (RKing just before PONR seems to help although it's very easy to push past that and still cum), I just need to work on actually remembering to do it when I'm with her and my brain is elsewhere lol

Can't see how either of those are gonna help me keep it up though.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

If you're functional except for PIV, you should engage in enough foreplay- with no expectations for PIV- until your level of arousal surpasses your anxiety.

You KNOW there's nothing wrong with your penis- you just need to stop overthinking the issue.

The following may be of interest: More On The Mental Side Of Male Enhancement

[exiled_oblivion Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close exiled_oblivion]

If you're functional except for PIV, you should engage in enough foreplay- with no expectations for PIV- until your level of arousal surpasses your anxiety.

You KNOW there's nothing wrong with your penis- you just need to stop overthinking the issue.

Already doing shitloads of foreplay. The expectations and the overthinking are definitely the problem lol, that's what I was looking for advice on - managing those. Brain can't always switch off. The slightest distraction and I'm thinking about this shit when I know I shouldn't be.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

https://www.pegym.com/forums/challen...e-anxiety.html

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Already doing shitloads of foreplay. The expectations and the overthinking are definitely the problem lol, that's what I was looking for advice on - managing those. Brain can't always switch off. The slightest distraction and I'm thinking about this shit when I know I shouldn't be.

Your giving your mind the power over your will- when it should be the other way around. The difficulty here is that attempting to force the issue will likely make things worse.

First thing: remove the expectation. The expectation- when clouded with anxiety- will cause issues. Go into the session with NO Expectations, and just enjoy yourself.

When any and all negative thoughts enter your mind do NOT entertain them! You must be diligent with this part!

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Hi Have you ever let her take control why being on top, let her do the foreplay on you and when she is ready to, she just climbs on your penis and she even takes control of shagging you, could be way worth trying, so women love this kind of control over her man.

NOWHARD