24 year old with performance anxiety / maybe ED?

[bobjones Member Find all posts View Profile Close bobjones]

Hey guys just looking for some help here. After reading up on this thread, i feel like i 100% have performance anxiety that is causing myself not to be able to get an erection when it comes to having sex. Little bit of a back story:

Basically went through a depressive episode for about 2 years. Through these 2 years I watched a lot of porn and masturbated to it. There were some cases where i would just do it out of routine. Fast forward a couple of years, i realize what's happening and start to try and change my life. I'm happier now and want to pursue relationships/ sexual encounters with women.

I start seeing a girl for about a couple of months and i basically avoided having sex. The main reason for this is because i was NEVER ever happy with my size. This caused so many fucking issues for me. It's all i think about. It's legit a huge burden on my life and i absolutely hate it. Eventually it gets to the point where we try and have sex. I obviously couldn't and later down the road end this fling. She feels as if it's all her fault but i basically try and convince her it isn't. Still friends to this day.

This eventually has gotta me back to this forum. I have tried PE in the past but never really got into it. Recently I've made it a goal that i will 100% with out a doubt in my mind stick it out for AT LEAST a year. I want to see what kind of results i can get with this. I have notice better EQ when i masturbate (still to porn) and just in generally having a lot more erections throughout the day which is a huge step for me.

Now there's a girl that i want to see/pursue something with. Nothings official/started yet but we both have shown signs of interest. Now i'm absolutely scared to even try and have sex out of fear that i will yet again not be able to have an erection. I've finally acknowledge that a lot of these issues stem from porn. Without a doubt in my mind. My goal is to just PMO until i have the chance to hook up with this girl, the only thing is this will most likely cause me to not be able to last long.

I honestly don't know what's best for me in this situation and I would appreciate any tips to get over this performance anxiety and just everything in general. This is really affecting my mental health and would like to get over this.

[Cabba Senior Member Member of the Month March 2020 Find all posts View Profile Close Cabba]

A lot of guys have this issue, so don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m comfortable with my size and even I had a hard time getting erect the first few times. Just try not to put pressure on yourself and focus on how the girl makes you feel. Also less porn should help, instead think of the girl your into and concentrate on normal sex. A lot of porn is over the top and complete fantasy, so most sexual experience will fall short of that. Idk what your into, but for me it helped when my girl had big tits or talked dirty, so maybe tell her that. I think most women wanna help the guy get hard as much as you wanna make her wet.

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

Hey guys just looking for some help here. After reading up on this thread, i feel like i 100% have performance anxiety that is causing myself not to be able to get an erection when it comes to having sex...

This eventually has gotta me back to this forum. I have tried PE in the past but never really got into it. Recently I've made it a goal that i will 100% with out a doubt in my mind stick it out for AT LEAST a year. I want to see what kind of results i can get with this. I have notice better EQ when i masturbate (still to porn) and just in generally having a lot more erections throughout the day which is a huge step for me.

There is a truism there that is applicable:
The more erections you get, the more you will get.

Now there's a girl that i want to see/pursue something with. Nothings official/started yet but we both have shown signs of interest. Now i'm absolutely scared to even try and have sex out of fear that i will yet again not be able to have an erection. I've finally acknowledge that a lot of these issues stem from porn. Without a doubt in my mind. My goal is to just PMO until i have the chance to hook up with this girl, the only thing is this will most likely cause me to not be able to last long.

I honestly don't know what's best for me in this situation and I would appreciate any tips to get over this performance anxiety and just everything in general. This is really affecting my mental health and would like to get over this.

Train yourself to get erections.

From now until the moment get an erection every evening at approximately the moment you plan to have sex. Say 9pm. Every day. You probably should avoid ejaculation as much as possible to build up.
You can get tour body used to having erections all the time.

I do PE in Asia, then once a year I spend a month in North America. And each time I notice that I get random erections while there that coincide with when I normally would do PE in Asia.

[bobjones Member Find all posts View Profile Close bobjones]

really eh? I've never heard about something like this. I usually do PE around the time you would normally go out and party. But i haven't noticed any since of increased erections during this time. Obviously this could be due to alcohol. Thanks for the input though, i think it's really just mental state. Its tough.

[ortega45 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ortega45]

I would say first and foremost you need to look in the mirror and start working on these negative conversations you have with your body and creatively make them into positive ones. Be at peace with where you're at in your life right at this moment, and understand that even though there's a lot of growth ahead, there's A LOT to love about yourself right now. You've simply created false pressures and negative conversations in your head based on your idea of societal standards and what not... things that are largely untrue and just make you feel more shitty about yourself. And I'm pretty sure you don't want to continue feeling like this. Like most dudes your age (and I was there 6 years ago), and this sounds cheesy as hell, you need to work on loving yourself wayyy more than you currently do. Find reasons to love yourself and your body and everything that makes you uniquely YOU. Make it a daily practice. Start to make a mental shift in this area of your life.

2nd thing I would recommend is quitting porn altogether, cold-turkey, 100% zero porn (and also make sure you don't follow porn-ish material on IG or youtube). I would also recommend trying no masturbation for atleast 30 days (ideally longer but 30 days minimum). Try it! It absolutely changed my life drastically. It cured my ED issues. It helped me get in touch with my sexual self in a way that I never felt before. It helped me seek healthy sexual encounters. It helped boost my confidence. Because my erections were worlds better and happening more often, I had a newfound confidence with sex and was more interested in tackling some of my performance anxiety issues. I became more interested in pleasing my partner and experimenting more instead of just trying to bust my own nut. Think of it like a cleanse. It'll rejuvenate you, you'll most likely see changes in your supposed ED/performance anxiety within weeks, and it's a healthy challenge to inspire some new thoughts and inspiration within you. But I would commit to it for 30-90 days, no slip ups, and watch your life change. If after 90 days it didn't have much of an impact on you, then you can always go back to your normal ways. But I really think it could help you significantly.

There are WAY too many young men having ED issues, and short of the small minority of men who have actual physical ailments/hormonal issues/syndromes causing ED, in my opinion this is mostly a mental issue, caused by porn and our relationship to masturbation and societal pressures broadcasted on IG and social media and more. I'm not claiming to have all the answers, but as men we need to take a deeper look at this and stop brushing it off. There are too many men in my day to day life that normalize porn addiction or expectations of ridiculous performance in bed or having big dicks etc, all of this has to change.

3rd thing I'd do is commit to PE! Find a routine that works for you, and start doing it consistently week in and week out for MONTHS. You want to improve your erection quality and penis size? Do some deep research on these forums and elsewhere, find exercises that work for you, and start doing it consistently, with discipline. You'll see changes. It DOES work for most men. The evidence is there now. One thing I think a lot of newcomers don't realize is that PE actually has just as much to do with EQ (erection quality) as it does with gaining size. PE will help with your supposed ED issues as well as quitting porn/masturbation. That combination is lethal and amazing.

Best of luck!