I am coming to you guys with advice needed. I was gonna talk to my godfather but it would blow his mind. Anyway...

When I was around 30 I was in the psych ward. I first went to the psychiatric hospital at 22 when I first injured myself and lost composure as I started hearing voices. Anyway forget that, fast forward...

At this point I had a penile injury for almost a decade. THEN finally they did something for me. Using a mesh they attached the vein/ rip in the right side of my penis. There was a small laceration on the left side of my penis.

Then of course since I had a disease of trichollomania ( pulling hair ) this is where I blame everybody. My doctor's shouldn't have did this with me not having a sound mind. And also it was over night so it is undocumented. So here I am with no aftercare instructions, because it was and is a secret...

I started pulling off hairs from my shaft. It was like I was a man possessed. It just felt pure evil pulling those pubes out. The outcome is that I ruined their surgery and thwarted their attempts to help me.

I have after since seen this urologist and he won't do shit all for me. Same as the psychiatrist, he claims nothing had happened out of the usual. Putting the onness on me. I felt so angry at myself not wanting to forgive myself.

Anyway I was in emergency room and I was refered to another urologist, which is great, a fresh start.

My symptoms include tearing tissue on the right side of my penis while doing not even that much exertion. I get itchy and painful balls and dick on the right side. After I take a shit it affects my penis for around 5 hours.

What can I do or say to leave my past behind? I'm coming at them with a fresh note to get better and that's it. I don't want to sue anyone as my health is more important than money. My only problem is, all 3 of these docs work at the same hospital. My first inclination is to get a ultrasound.

Thank you for reading this and p.s. I could feel the mesh in my penis when it was short-lived there. It felt like a soft snake.