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ED Drug Dependence and Deep-seated Hardcore Fetishes

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  • ED Drug Dependence and Deep-seated Hardcore Fetishes

    Warning: Graphic Personal Content

    Background:
    Heavy internet porn user from around age 8. It started with just basic porno pictures but by around age 11-12 it had evolved to watching intense BDSM porn every night for hours on my phone and jacking it with terrible death-grip. I'm sure you guys all understand that continuous escalation where you have to keep watching more and more hardcore stuff because the old stuff just doesn't do it for you (Straight -> Bondage -> BDSM -> Machines -> Hentai -> Alien Hentai, Chastity, Trap .etc). Anyways, fast forward to College and I move out, get my first GF, and cant get it up with her no matter what I try. Through this experience I found out about NoFap and NoPorn. I'm proud to say that I'm almost 2 years Porn-Free now and I really do think it has helped me a lot. NoFap helped with sensitivity perhaps, but I've done several 90-day streaks and I always find they make me too horny and focus on sex too much which was actually counter-productive. Nowadays I just fap with a fleshlight every 3 days or so.

    I have 2 questions:

    1) Recently, I've had much more luck with getting it up compared to 2 years ago, although I usually still have some troubles. My issue was rarely not being able to get it up, but the boner dying 5 or 10 minutes in, even while inside her, and never coming back hard enough to continue penetration. I've talked to a doctor about this and got my blood-work done (perfectly normal), so he prescribed me some Cialis and it has been a huge help. Cialis has pretty much mitigated that problem, and raised my chances of orgasm from PiV from around 30% to 80-90%. This has been a huge quality of life improvement, but the flip-side is now I feel the need to take Cialis, and I am worried that as a 21 year-old guy, I might be on this the rest of my life. As well, if it stops working, what to do then? Is there a preferred way to try and taper off PDE-5 inhibitors?

    2) Although I've escaped my porn addiction and really have no urges to watch it anymore, I do retain a lot of deviancy from my youth that bothers me to this day. For example, from around age 14-16, I bought online toys and had them shipped to PO boxes so my parents wouldn't find out. I developed a fascination with Anal stuff first, so dildos, lots of different plugs .etc. Then, I got into a chastity phase and bought several (expensive) cages that I would wear around. I even had a phase where I got into cocks. Let me be clear here: I really was and am not attracted to men whatsoever, I would never date or kiss a guy, but just a sexual fascination with cocks and sucking cocks .etc. I think all of this fetish stuff was rooted in the porn I was watching. When I decided to stop watching porn, I also threw all that stuff away. However, even to this day, it still comes back in waves to haunt me. Like once or month for a few days I'll get a massive urge to do anal stuff or wear a cage or suck dick (again, really not so interested in the guy as the cock), and even the urge itself can get my harder than Cialis ever did. I tend not to indulge in this sort of thing, but sometimes the urge is so great I do and I always feel terrible afterwards. Do you guys have any experience or tips on overcoming this sort of behavior and addiction? It has been 2 years since I quit porn but I feel like I still live with the consequences to this day. I don't want to indulge but I feel like if I dont the urge just gets stronger and stronger and affects my thinking and daily life even more than if I indulge and leave it be for some time.

    Sorry for the super personal content, I just really want to share what's been troubling me and get some honest feedback. Doing kegels, working out and staying healthy as best I can these days.

  • #2
    Hi Jamjar. Unfortunately your Cock memories are your own and will maybe fade in time. You quit porn, great. Try to disconnect from your previous on that. I know. Easier said than done. So try to get off Cialis if you can. At your age you don’t need it, it’s just a confidence thing. Actually surprised a doc wrote you a script for it.

    I know this is contrite. But do you know the story of the little engine that could? Take it to heart, stop doubting yourself. You got this buddy.
    A prayer, is kinda the same as a "Like". If there are enough likes, God will take notice. So "Like" away please. My daughter needs your prayers. Thank You.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by jamjar View Post
      Warning: Graphic Personal Content

      Background:
      Heavy internet porn user from around age 8. It started with just basic porno pictures but by around age 11-12 it had evolved to watching intense BDSM porn every night for hours on my phone and jacking it with terrible death-grip. I'm sure you guys all understand that continuous escalation where you have to keep watching more and more hardcore stuff because the old stuff just doesn't do it for you (Straight -> Bondage -> BDSM -> Machines -> Hentai -> Alien Hentai, Chastity, Trap .etc). Anyways, fast forward to College and I move out, get my first GF, and cant get it up with her no matter what I try. Through this experience I found out about NoFap and NoPorn. I'm proud to say that I'm almost 2 years Porn-Free now and I really do think it has helped me a lot. NoFap helped with sensitivity perhaps, but I've done several 90-day streaks and I always find they make me too horny and focus on sex too much which was actually counter-productive. Nowadays I just fap with a fleshlight every 3 days or so.

      I have 2 questions:

      1) Recently, I've had much more luck with getting it up compared to 2 years ago, although I usually still have some troubles. My issue was rarely not being able to get it up, but the boner dying 5 or 10 minutes in, even while inside her, and never coming back hard enough to continue penetration. I've talked to a doctor about this and got my blood-work done (perfectly normal), so he prescribed me some Cialis and it has been a huge help. Cialis has pretty much mitigated that problem, and raised my chances of orgasm from PiV from around 30% to 80-90%. This has been a huge quality of life improvement, but the flip-side is now I feel the need to take Cialis, and I am worried that as a 21 year-old guy, I might be on this the rest of my life. As well, if it stops working, what to do then? Is there a preferred way to try and taper off PDE-5 inhibitors?

      2) Although I've escaped my porn addiction and really have no urges to watch it anymore, I do retain a lot of deviancy from my youth that bothers me to this day. For example, from around age 14-16, I bought online toys and had them shipped to PO boxes so my parents wouldn't find out. I developed a fascination with Anal stuff first, so dildos, lots of different plugs .etc. Then, I got into a chastity phase and bought several (expensive) cages that I would wear around. I even had a phase where I got into cocks. Let me be clear here: I really was and am not attracted to men whatsoever, I would never date or kiss a guy, but just a sexual fascination with cocks and sucking cocks .etc. I think all of this fetish stuff was rooted in the porn I was watching. When I decided to stop watching porn, I also threw all that stuff away. However, even to this day, it still comes back in waves to haunt me. Like once or month for a few days I'll get a massive urge to do anal stuff or wear a cage or suck dick (again, really not so interested in the guy as the cock), and even the urge itself can get my harder than Cialis ever did. I tend not to indulge in this sort of thing, but sometimes the urge is so great I do and I always feel terrible afterwards. Do you guys have any experience or tips on overcoming this sort of behavior and addiction? It has been 2 years since I quit porn but I feel like I still live with the consequences to this day. I don't want to indulge but I feel like if I dont the urge just gets stronger and stronger and affects my thinking and daily life even more than if I indulge and leave it be for some time.

      Sorry for the super personal content, I just really want to share what's been troubling me and get some honest feedback. Doing kegels, working out and staying healthy as best I can these days.

      If you're so young and taking Cialis you'll create a dependence to the pill and you'll need a higher dosage to properly "work", for how long have you been taking Cialis?

      Regarding the 2nd point: this is like smoking tobacco. If you stop smoking you will have the urge to smoke to calm down your nerves, but what you have to do is to keep yourself strong and wait until the urges are gone; it may take some time, of course, but you'll be solving a problem instead of covering it.
      I help men overcome their sex-related issues to become the best lover for their partners without depending on pills.

      Comment


      • #4
        The following should be read thoroughly: The Detraining Effect: Understanding and Reversing Negative Habits To Improve Erection Quality and Sexual Confidence
        Want a FREE Month of Coaching? PM or email me for details- or CLICK HERE

        The MeCoach Male Enhancement Coaching Service- For All of Your Male Enhancement Needs

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Party View Post
          Hi Jamjar. Unfortunately your Cock memories are your own and will maybe fade in time. You quit porn, great. Try to disconnect from your previous on that. I know. Easier said than done. So try to get off Cialis if you can. At your age you don’t need it, it’s just a confidence thing. Actually surprised a doc wrote you a script for it.

          I know this is contrite. But do you know the story of the little engine that could? Take it to heart, stop doubting yourself. You got this buddy.
          Thanks Party, this is exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear. I really appreciate your kind words. I was pretty crushed by many erection failures in a row without even one success with multiple different girls so I think that's what convinced the doctor to get me on it. I'll try and get off Cialis as soon as I can.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Pedro Delgado View Post
            If you're so young and taking Cialis you'll create a dependence to the pill and you'll need a higher dosage to properly "work", for how long have you been taking Cialis?

            Regarding the 2nd point: this is like smoking tobacco. If you stop smoking you will have the urge to smoke to calm down your nerves, but what you have to do is to keep yourself strong and wait until the urges are gone; it may take some time, of course, but you'll be solving a problem instead of covering it.
            Around 8 months now, but I did it as-needed 20 mg instead of daily. The downside here is that whenever I would go out with a girl, I had to plan to take it ahead of time or on the way back secretly, like in a washroom. And I had to hedge my bets, so that if I didn't think there was much of a chance of us hooking up that night I wouldn't take one so I could save it for another time. Looking back this is not so good behavior and honestly probably contributed to issues if anything.

            Thanks with regards to the second point. I figure it is just holding out against those urges since I had close to 10 years of exposure and only 2 years sobriety. It has gotten a bit easier over time so I have hope for the future.

            Comment


            • #7
              This looks like the sort of thing that can address both of my concerns, thank you

              Comment


              • #8
                Can you post the actual number on the hormone test.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by jamjar View Post
                  This looks like the sort of thing that can address both of my concerns, thank you
                  Glad to be of service!

                  Please keep us posted as to your progress.
                  Want a FREE Month of Coaching? PM or email me for details- or CLICK HERE

                  The MeCoach Male Enhancement Coaching Service- For All of Your Male Enhancement Needs

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
                    Can you post the actual number on the hormone test.
                    Here ya go, feel free to take a look. Note that the reason my hematology panel numbers look a little off is because I was just coming off a cold. https://imgur.com/a/Pr6Cq1v

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Your testosterone level is typical of a 60 y old .

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
                        Your testosterone level is typical of a 60 y old .
                        Hmm that sucks to hear. I powerlift competitively and have been hitting the gym for 5+ years + clean diet + good sleep, so I feel like this must be either genetic or stress. I was taking 6 courses when I got the blood test and was a bit stressed so it could have been that, but I wouldn't have imagined it would have that magnitude of effect. Living more carefree recently though so I hope that will make a difference.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Stress can have a HUGE impact on hormone levels. It can also cause a cascade effect: Stress produces cortisol, with can affect T levels, which can increase anxiety- resulting in more cortisol and low T, and repeat.
                          Want a FREE Month of Coaching? PM or email me for details- or CLICK HERE

                          The MeCoach Male Enhancement Coaching Service- For All of Your Male Enhancement Needs

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I have a follow-up question this. I've had issues with staying hard masturbating even before I quit porn 2 years ago. It seems like no matter what, I always go soft (30-40% EQ) somewhere between 5-20 minutes in and kind of have to power through it to finish, and then right before I get there it swells back up to 100% EQ for about the 30 seconds it takes to bust and then I die down like normal. Is this a common problem people have? Should I be able to stay hard the whole time, even without visual stimulation or fantasizing?

                            Comment

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