Warning: Graphic Personal Content
Background: Heavy internet porn user from around age 8. It started with just basic porno pictures but by around age 11-12 it had evolved to watching intense BDSM porn every night for hours on my phone and jacking it with terrible death-grip. I'm sure you guys all understand that continuous escalation where you have to keep watching more and more hardcore stuff because the old stuff just doesn't do it for you (Straight -> Bondage -> BDSM -> Machines -> Hentai -> Alien Hentai, Chastity, Trap .etc). Anyways, fast forward to College and I move out, get my first GF, and cant get it up with her no matter what I try. Through this experience I found out about NoFap and NoPorn. I'm proud to say that I'm almost 2 years Porn-Free now and I really do think it has helped me a lot. NoFap helped with sensitivity perhaps, but I've done several 90-day streaks and I always find they make me too horny and focus on sex too much which was actually counter-productive. Nowadays I just fap with a fleshlight every 3 days or so.
I have 2 questions:
1) Recently, I've had much more luck with getting it up compared to 2 years ago, although I usually still have some troubles. My issue was rarely not being able to get it up, but the boner dying 5 or 10 minutes in, even while inside her, and never coming back hard enough to continue penetration. I've talked to a doctor about this and got my blood-work done (perfectly normal), so he prescribed me some Cialis and it has been a huge help. Cialis has pretty much mitigated that problem, and raised my chances of orgasm from PiV from around 30% to 80-90%. This has been a huge quality of life improvement, but the flip-side is now I feel the need to take Cialis, and I am worried that as a 21 year-old guy, I might be on this the rest of my life. As well, if it stops working, what to do then? Is there a preferred way to try and taper off PDE-5 inhibitors?
2) Although I've escaped my porn addiction and really have no urges to watch it anymore, I do retain a lot of deviancy from my youth that bothers me to this day. For example, from around age 14-16, I bought online toys and had them shipped to PO boxes so my parents wouldn't find out. I developed a fascination with Anal stuff first, so dildos, lots of different plugs .etc. Then, I got into a chastity phase and bought several (expensive) cages that I would wear around. I even had a phase where I got into cocks. Let me be clear here: I really was and am not attracted to men whatsoever, I would never date or kiss a guy, but just a sexual fascination with cocks and sucking cocks .etc. I think all of this fetish stuff was rooted in the porn I was watching. When I decided to stop watching porn, I also threw all that stuff away. However, even to this day, it still comes back in waves to haunt me. Like once or month for a few days I'll get a massive urge to do anal stuff or wear a cage or suck dick (again, really not so interested in the guy as the cock), and even the urge itself can get my harder than Cialis ever did. I tend not to indulge in this sort of thing, but sometimes the urge is so great I do and I always feel terrible afterwards. Do you guys have any experience or tips on overcoming this sort of behavior and addiction? It has been 2 years since I quit porn but I feel like I still live with the consequences to this day. I don't want to indulge but I feel like if I dont the urge just gets stronger and stronger and affects my thinking and daily life even more than if I indulge and leave it be for some time.
Sorry for the super personal content, I just really want to share what's been troubling me and get some honest feedback. Doing kegels, working out and staying healthy as best I can these days.
Background: Heavy internet porn user from around age 8. It started with just basic porno pictures but by around age 11-12 it had evolved to watching intense BDSM porn every night for hours on my phone and jacking it with terrible death-grip. I'm sure you guys all understand that continuous escalation where you have to keep watching more and more hardcore stuff because the old stuff just doesn't do it for you (Straight -> Bondage -> BDSM -> Machines -> Hentai -> Alien Hentai, Chastity, Trap .etc). Anyways, fast forward to College and I move out, get my first GF, and cant get it up with her no matter what I try. Through this experience I found out about NoFap and NoPorn. I'm proud to say that I'm almost 2 years Porn-Free now and I really do think it has helped me a lot. NoFap helped with sensitivity perhaps, but I've done several 90-day streaks and I always find they make me too horny and focus on sex too much which was actually counter-productive. Nowadays I just fap with a fleshlight every 3 days or so.
I have 2 questions:
1) Recently, I've had much more luck with getting it up compared to 2 years ago, although I usually still have some troubles. My issue was rarely not being able to get it up, but the boner dying 5 or 10 minutes in, even while inside her, and never coming back hard enough to continue penetration. I've talked to a doctor about this and got my blood-work done (perfectly normal), so he prescribed me some Cialis and it has been a huge help. Cialis has pretty much mitigated that problem, and raised my chances of orgasm from PiV from around 30% to 80-90%. This has been a huge quality of life improvement, but the flip-side is now I feel the need to take Cialis, and I am worried that as a 21 year-old guy, I might be on this the rest of my life. As well, if it stops working, what to do then? Is there a preferred way to try and taper off PDE-5 inhibitors?
2) Although I've escaped my porn addiction and really have no urges to watch it anymore, I do retain a lot of deviancy from my youth that bothers me to this day. For example, from around age 14-16, I bought online toys and had them shipped to PO boxes so my parents wouldn't find out. I developed a fascination with Anal stuff first, so dildos, lots of different plugs .etc. Then, I got into a chastity phase and bought several (expensive) cages that I would wear around. I even had a phase where I got into cocks. Let me be clear here: I really was and am not attracted to men whatsoever, I would never date or kiss a guy, but just a sexual fascination with cocks and sucking cocks .etc. I think all of this fetish stuff was rooted in the porn I was watching. When I decided to stop watching porn, I also threw all that stuff away. However, even to this day, it still comes back in waves to haunt me. Like once or month for a few days I'll get a massive urge to do anal stuff or wear a cage or suck dick (again, really not so interested in the guy as the cock), and even the urge itself can get my harder than Cialis ever did. I tend not to indulge in this sort of thing, but sometimes the urge is so great I do and I always feel terrible afterwards. Do you guys have any experience or tips on overcoming this sort of behavior and addiction? It has been 2 years since I quit porn but I feel like I still live with the consequences to this day. I don't want to indulge but I feel like if I dont the urge just gets stronger and stronger and affects my thinking and daily life even more than if I indulge and leave it be for some time.
Sorry for the super personal content, I just really want to share what's been troubling me and get some honest feedback. Doing kegels, working out and staying healthy as best I can these days.
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