Odd ED issues for 28 y.o.

[Molten Steel]

When I'm with a girl, be it my gf, or some other girl I just met, when we start making out I get a real nice erection. I'd say somewhere around 60% EQ mark. I mean it's not perfect, but it's a good start while you are just making out. But when time comes to business, and pants come off, quite often, it deflates to nearly zero. Basically unusable for penetration. The girl can restore it by giving head, but then often while putting a condom on, it'll just deflate again.

Another, secondary, issue is that when I am able to maintain erection for some time, it still deflates during the intercourse. I.e. it'll be ok for a few minutes, but then eventually just wears down. I notice that this happens especially in the missionary position. And I'm able to maintain my best erection in the girl on top position. Also often the feeling wears off, especially while wearing a condom. After a few minutes, I honestly, just don't feel anything and I think that's a big part of why the erection deflates.

So a few remarks, and my observations. From my research, I think I have a porn addiction. Reading a few threads on this forum confirms that. I am going to address this. In fact, I already quit. I did do this a few times before as a test, and I did see some improvements. So this should help I think. Maybe that's all it is, but who knows...

As far as deflating in the missionary position. I think I might have some underdeveloped muscles or something like that. And it strains too much somewhere, and takes away the blood flow from penis. What exercises should I do in order to get this handled? Are there any specific non-PE exercises that can be done in the gym to strengthen some areas that are mostly involved during sex?

Another problem I seem to have is low libido. I pretty much almost never want to have sex unless a sexy girl is already with me. On my own, it's very rarely. I remember as a kid though I was constantly horny whether or not girls are present or not. Obviously I don't expect that kind of level or libido at my age, but I think complete passiveness is not good either.

And overall, please provide some advice to the problems I am encountering.

P.S. Going to get 5 Gs as well.
P.P.S. My diet is great. I exercise, but not regularly. I'm not on any meds or have been. I am overall very healthy. However I do seem to have some minor anxiety, but I am trying to address it via meditation.

Thank you!

[CUSP82]

Well a good physical is always a great way to start, even if you are 28 years old and healthy. Anxiety and stress are big killers for an erection! Kegals can be done anytime and are a great help!

[Working2Grow]

Hey man, I completely feel your pain here, and while I don't really have any answers I can second your experiences IDENTICALLY. I'm 27 right now, but this has been going on for a long time for me. I do however have a couple other details that differ from yours:

-It only happens the first few times I have sex with a new partner, once enough comfort/intimacy is established and a few failed attempts occur this type of ED no longer really happens to me.

-I am in fairly good shape, so I personally rule out the under-developed muscles theory for myself. Although I have thought that it could be an issue with cardiovascular shape or something, where maybe my heart is beating too fast and it drains blood from my dick or something.

I tend to agree with you that it is probably related to a porn addiction (which I also have, and am trying to deal with) and anxiety. I saw a therapist for a while regarding the psychological ED (which I attributed entirely to anxiety at the time) and he was almost 100% useless, telling me that I shouldn't expect myself to be able to have sex with someone I didn't know super well (thanks for nothing).

As I said, I don't really have any answers, but maybe it will help to know there are other people having very similar experiences? Does this happen for you only with people you haven't slept with very many times, or does it also happen with long-term partners? I'm trying to quit porn completely, and following through some non-religious (hard to find) porn-addiction websites that I'm hoping will help me keep from relapsing, lol strange word to use for the circumstances. I've also been trying to pay more attention to my muscle contractions down there (kegel / reverse kegel) as well as the sensations that lead me from flaccid to arousal without the need for visual stimuli. However, its not something that I can easily test on a daily basis if progress is being made. Haha, if only.

P.S. Oh, one more detail I forgot. I have an extremely high sex drive. When I was looking at porn I was masterbating on average 3 times a day, and often got up to 6. When out and about I am constantly thinking about sex, and desiring women around me. So, throwing that out there as another difference that makes me think the underlying cause might not be as simple as libido.

[Nothin2ItBut2DoIt]

I'm 21 and have the same problem.. from talking to a few people I think that it might be from stress and anxiety.

[somebodyelse]

When I'm with a girl, be it my gf, or some other girl I just met, when we start making out I get a real nice erection. I'd say somewhere around 60% EQ mark. I mean it's not perfect, but it's a good start while you are just making out. But when time comes to business, and pants come off, quite often, it deflates to nearly zero. Basically unusable for penetration. The girl can restore it by giving head, but then often while putting a condom on, it'll just deflate again.

Another, secondary, issue is that when I am able to maintain erection for some time, it still deflates during the intercourse. I.e. it'll be ok for a few minutes, but then eventually just wears down. I notice that this happens especially in the missionary position. And I'm able to maintain my best erection in the girl on top position. Also often the feeling wears off, especially while wearing a condom. After a few minutes, I honestly, just don't feel anything and I think that's a big part of why the erection deflates.

So a few remarks, and my observations. From my research, I think I have a porn addiction. Reading a few threads on this forum confirms that. I am going to address this. In fact, I already quit. I did do this a few times before as a test, and I did see some improvements. So this should help I think. Maybe that's all it is, but who knows...

As far as deflating in the missionary position. I think I might have some underdeveloped muscles or something like that. And it strains too much somewhere, and takes away the blood flow from penis. What exercises should I do in order to get this handled? Are there any specific non-PE exercises that can be done in the gym to strengthen some areas that are mostly involved during sex?

Another problem I seem to have is low libido. I pretty much almost never want to have sex unless a sexy girl is already with me. On my own, it's very rarely. I remember as a kid though I was constantly horny whether or not girls are present or not. Obviously I don't expect that kind of level or libido at my age, but I think complete passiveness is not good either.

And overall, please provide some advice to the problems I am encountering.

P.S. Going to get 5 Gs as well.
P.P.S. My diet is great. I exercise, but not regularly. I'm not on any meds or have been. I am overall very healthy. However I do seem to have some minor anxiety, but I am trying to address it via meditation.

Thank you!

Going to quote you so I can keep it straight...

So, for me, first time with a girl when i was younger was always nerve racking so my EQ was moderate or non-existant. I also had a bit of a porn addiction. Kinda hard to enjoy the girl you're with if you're imagining a media player window around her face LOL!

As far as low libido, that's mostly just stress. Sex drive is always there for men, it's just our mental state screws with us sometimes. I found that I also go through cycles of it as well sometimes i can go 5 days without an erection, then i can achieve 8 full masts in one day. it's weird... Many of the times that i'm not "ready to go" is after i've had some serious stress in my life.

A second part to the problem could be the nerves of getting together with a girl. I don't know if you're insecure about whatever you've got but that can put undue stress on you and your ability to perform as well.

[Molten Steel]

-It only happens the first few times I have sex with a new partner, once enough comfort/intimacy is established and a few failed attempts occur this type of ED no longer really happens to me.

Dude! Same thing (almost). I get it the worst the first few times, then it gets better, but still occasional failures. Pretty often too. But, yeah, it def improves after the first few times.

-I am in fairly good shape, so I personally rule out the under-developed muscles theory for myself. Although I have thought that it could be an issue with cardiovascular shape or something, where maybe my heart is beating too fast and it drains blood from my dick or something.

But that's kinda what I was thinking. The muscles draw too much blood and take away from penis. I do have weak arms. I think it's hereditary. If I hold my hands upward they get fatigued very fast. My mother says she has the same thing. And she used to be a mad athlete. Like competition level high jumps. I also work out my arms enough. And still when I put them up, they get weak faster than I'd imagine they should.

And yeah, heart has something to do with it as well I think. I started swimming (for arms) and thread mill (HIIT) for heart rate.

I tend to agree with you that it is probably related to a porn addiction (which I also have, and am trying to deal with) and anxiety. I saw a therapist for a while regarding the psychological ED (which I attributed entirely to anxiety at the time) and he was almost 100% useless, telling me that I shouldn't expect myself to be able to have sex with someone I didn't know super well (thanks for nothing).

Classic! I hate "specialists" like that. Met enough of them in my life. But there are good ones out there. Just need to try a few. Don't give up if you think one might help.

P.S. Oh, one more detail I forgot. I have an extremely high sex drive. When I was looking at porn I was masterbating on average 3 times a day, and often got up to 6. When out and about I am constantly thinking about sex, and desiring women around me. So, throwing that out there as another difference that makes me think the underlying cause might not be as simple as libido.

Woah... Leave a little for next time, dude! (Beavis and Butt-Head quote @ 3:18)

I wish I had your libido man!! haha that sounds great. But I can see that being difficult to keep the hands away from yourself.

[Working2Grow]

It really seems like both of our issues must have the same cause. They are just too similar! And it seems like mostly people agree it is a porn addiction / anxiety / stress thing. I'm trying to kick the porn habit, but I'm not sure what to do about reducing whatever anxieties crop up right before intercourse (as opposed to during foreplay). Another thing, regarding the often suggested use of kegels. I don't know if anyone else finds this, but for me an issue is that once I've deflated, kegels won't do jack shit. Its like you need SOME erection for kegels to help, and when this hits it goes all the way down to zero!

[Molten Steel]

It really seems like both of our issues must have the same cause. They are just too similar! And it seems like mostly people agree it is a porn addiction / anxiety / stress thing. I'm trying to kick the porn habit, but I'm not sure what to do about reducing whatever anxieties crop up right before intercourse (as opposed to during foreplay). Another thing, regarding the often suggested use of kegels. I don't know if anyone else finds this, but for me an issue is that once I've deflated, kegels won't do jack shit. Its like you need SOME erection for kegels to help, and when this hits it goes all the way down to zero!

I feel ya man! I honestly think kegels are NOT the answer here. My gut feeling (and it's tuned very well) says it's porn addiction about 70% and anxiety (not sexual, general life worries) is the other 30%. So the porn addiction here is the easiest thing, at least for me. I've quit many things before and I have very strong will. If I set my mind, I can do it. But the anxiety will be tougher. So far what I started is meditation. Check out LifeFlow course. I've read from several reputable sources that it's a quality program that produces results.

Another interesting thing I tried was "erection meditation". I saw a mention of it in some other thread. There was no explanation on how to do it. So I kinda invented my own thing. This is what I did yesterday, and it felt good!

1) Meditate normally for 20 minutes. Basically just relax and try not to think about anything. I italicized "try", cause it's nearly impossible at the beginning. But do your best and don't get frustrated. If thoughts come, just let them go and continue.

2) Right after 20 minutes, do the "erection meditation" for another 5-10 minutes. Basically all I do is stay in the calm state I aquired during regular meditation, and then concentrate my thoughts on the feelings I get during the erection. Hard to explain, but if you just think about it, it should come by itself. Then just feel the feelings. That's all you need to do. Be aware of them. They'll amplify on their own. I found that the more I tried to "force" it, the worse it was. But if I just let it go, and just "feel the feeling", without trying to influence it, the better erection I got.

After just a couple of minutes I had a soild 80% EQ! Then I even did the deflation test to see if I had that other condition where the blood cannot stay inside (forget the name), and I maintained the same EQ +/- 10% for good 45 seconds before it even started to loose quality. But I proly held penetration-quality erection for over a minute without any stimulation or thought. And I didn't think any "sexy" thoughts or didn't imagine any women during this. It was all just feeling the feeling.

[Molten Steel]

Just a quick report.

I have quit porn as I said I will do above. Since then haven't viewed any porn intentionally. Maybe have seen a couple of pictures of naked girls by accident (opening links not knowingly). But haven't viewed any videos on purpose.

I've had sex with a girl two weeks after I have quit. I was able to maintain erection, ejaculate with a condom on (unheard of for me!) and then go back for seconds 20 minutes later.

This is all proof I need. Never watching porn again!!

Also, now for 2.5 weeks I am avoiding all masturbation as well. My energy level is up, creativity and desire to do things is elevated. I feel very good overall!

[Molten Steel]

Another report. So it's been roughly 2 month since I quit porn.

Had another session with a new girl 2 days ago. Went well. Wasn't able to ejaculate though, but I am pretty sure that I would be able to if I continued. Also I didn't put the condom on properly, so that def contributed to some loss of sensation. I just asked her to finish me off.

Had another session with the same girl yesterday. Everything went great. I was hard the whole time. Came easily and she enjoyed everything as well.