i know my problem is mental, what now? saying relax doesnt work

[rugby06]

Long time Lurker, first time poster.

So I know my problem is mental; pretty much get morning wood every day and can stay erect forever when my gf is blowing me (which is a related issue I guess, can never really seem to relax enough to let her finish), but when it comes time for me to take over, 60% of the time I lose my erection. So I'll go down on her and eventually I stop thinking about things and my erection comes back...most of the time. But then I find my self trying to cum as quickly as possible b/c in my head 3 or 4 minutes of sex is better than failure. The times I can't relax, my dick becomes just for show b/c there's nothing anyone can do to get me out of my head.

I know my issues too; fear of losing erection again (self fulfilling prophecy ), fear of losing my gf if I don't figure this out(happened before), and just an overall crappy self esteem. I'm trying to work through this stuff and even talked to my gf about all of it. She's on board and says we'll take as long as we need to figure this out. My oral skills are keeping me afloat for now.

So I've identified my problems and i talk about them...now what? Everything I've read on here about mental ed says I need to relax, don't worry, enjoy the moment and don't worry about the end...how do you do that? I try to concentrate on her, how things feel, etc. but my mind instantly wanders.

And I pretty much stopped watching porn and masturbating(done this for almost 4 months; spank it about once every two weeks, if that), started beginners jelq /stretches, don't smoke, exercise 5-6 days a week. Do enjoy dark beer still

Any help is appreciated. Thanks

[GanzoGono]

Three words. Sexual Performance Anxiety. I really wish I could post some external links on here for all guys suffering like you to benefit but I was told I cant. Just self educate yourself on those three words as much as you can. I will be posting every once in a while some tips for guys like you. For starters, take a look at this thread I posted recently and internalize it: https://www.pegym.com/forums/erectil...l-process.html

[BigO]

You can still say whatsite it is without posting a link and the OP can still PM you asking for the link and you can provide it that way. We just dont let members post links that promote thesale of things. No spam or pay links. You are not completely handcuffed.

[RockstarParkingDude]

adrenaline is your enemy. it is phsiologically causing vasoconstriction. i bet if you took notice the next time this happens you would find that your lips get cold and might even tingle a bit, or your hands get slightly shaky. this has led to mental issues which compound the adrenaline respone with other stress hormones. this sounds like a phsiological response to me. some people have a higher adrenal response than others, or are more susceptible to the effects of an adrenaline rush.

i dealt with these kind of issues for a long time when i was younger. its no good. the plus side is that girls are generally very forgiving in this matter, so long as YOU don't make it an issue. if this is a major source of insecurity you need to check it, cause its not the occasionally soft dick that will lose a girl, its crippling issues with sexual insecurity that will drive her off.

[GanzoGono]

You can still say whatsite it is without posting a link and the OP can still PM you asking for the link and you can provide it that way. We just dont let members post links that promote thesale of things. No spam or pay links. You are not completely handcuffed.

I dont see how its possible to tell someone about a site without putting a link in there. How would you do that? And most guys dont PM regarding ED. I guess its a "manly" thing to not ask for help especially on such a sensitive subject, so most guys will try to "battle it out" on their own. Although a certain mod told me links are also not allowed in PMs. But the truth is, there is nothing that has value in this world that is totally free. Nothing! So eventually any helpful link will have something being sold. Otherwise there is a lot of bogus "free content" on Google that you can read for hours and still come back looking for help. Its all funny really.

But at least I have defined the problem to the OP. So he now knows what that "mental thing" is.

[GanzoGono]

adrenaline is your enemy. it is phsiologically causing vasoconstriction. i bet if you took notice the next time this happens you would find that your lips get cold and might even tingle a bit, or your hands get slightly shaky. this has led to mental issues which compound the adrenaline respone with other stress hormones. this sounds like a phsiological response to me. some people have a higher adrenal response than others, or are more susceptible to the effects of an adrenaline rush.

Sorry. Disagree with you on this. Talk about analysis paralysis. Its not physiological. Its psychological. There is some merit in the adrenaline rush argument. But ultimately, it is mere performance anxiety that leads to the brain releasing a distress signal or flight reaction that causes the blood to flow out of the penis and the body to brace for self defense. Just like how you stand in front of a large crowd to give a speech and your mouth can barely open. Same thing. Nothing more.