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Hi All,
I would never have thought I'd be here with this problem but anyway here's my story (maybe a bit in depth) and I would really appreciate advice.
I'm 21 years old. I have had quite a few sex partners (around 14 or so since I was 15) I've had sex when sober, when drunk, on cocaine and on mdma with absolutely no problems at all, remained rock solid throughout the entire process (foreplay through to full penetration) I've stopped taking all substances for about 1 year and a half and a don't really drink maybe a beer or 2.
When I was 17 I met this amazing girl we dated for nearly 3 years and everything was great in the bedroom you could probably say we were nymphos, a lot of sex and I had no problems at all. I was completely comfortable with my body around her and she was the same with me. It ended badly and I suppose I was really hurt. Didn't date anymore or have sex for nearly a year as I guess I didn't trust girls and wanted to see how I'd coped on my own.
About a month ago I met this really fantastic girl and we hooked up and we started seeing each other (she is older than me, 24). We took things slow but we have been making out a lot with quite kinky dry sex, all the time I've had a hard one. About 3 days ago we took things to the next level, started fingering her but when she wanted to give me a handjob I went completely soft (I've never been a fan of handjobs so I blamed it on bad experiences. She understood which was cool but I was deeply worried and embarrassed as this has never happened before) Also as I said we have been making out a lot and I guess my hardness has been like a roller coaster, really hard during making out, then we'd stop and I'd go soft, then we'd start again and get really hard on the cycle continues.
Now for the depressing part, last night after nearly the whole day of making out and light foreplay she wanted to have sex, In the back of mind I guess I did have the whole issue of being soft and worried if it would happen again. I did go soft when she stuck her hands down my pants but I got it back when I focused my mind on her while making out and fingering her, got a condom on and it stayed hard but when she put it in her it lasted for about 30 seconds and I could feel it going softer and softer, how god damn embarrassing. The thing is I wasn't focusing on doing her but more of keeping my erection which I know is the problem. How on earth do I stop this from happening? I guess it's performance anxiety but I feel it's pretty serious. my ego has taken a huge blow as I know i'm quite good in bed but seeing this is the first girl I've wanted to sleep with in a year it makes no sense as I should be really turned on about the whole thing.
It feel like as soon as push comes to shove my mind slips away from the awesome sexual experience and I just think about remaining hard. I don't know what to do.
Should I get pills like Viagra or Cialis? I don't really want to as this shouldn't be happening to me but I don't know how to control my mind now as it's a really worrying thing. My ego has taken a huge hit and I don't feel normal or like a man at all. I feel this will keep happening in my mind. Thank god she's understanding and we talk about it but still it's a terrible feeling and I feel so insecure about it now.
Help and advice please?
I would never have thought I'd be here with this problem but anyway here's my story (maybe a bit in depth) and I would really appreciate advice.
I'm 21 years old. I have had quite a few sex partners (around 14 or so since I was 15) I've had sex when sober, when drunk, on cocaine and on mdma with absolutely no problems at all, remained rock solid throughout the entire process (foreplay through to full penetration) I've stopped taking all substances for about 1 year and a half and a don't really drink maybe a beer or 2.
When I was 17 I met this amazing girl we dated for nearly 3 years and everything was great in the bedroom you could probably say we were nymphos, a lot of sex and I had no problems at all. I was completely comfortable with my body around her and she was the same with me. It ended badly and I suppose I was really hurt. Didn't date anymore or have sex for nearly a year as I guess I didn't trust girls and wanted to see how I'd coped on my own.
About a month ago I met this really fantastic girl and we hooked up and we started seeing each other (she is older than me, 24). We took things slow but we have been making out a lot with quite kinky dry sex, all the time I've had a hard one. About 3 days ago we took things to the next level, started fingering her but when she wanted to give me a handjob I went completely soft (I've never been a fan of handjobs so I blamed it on bad experiences. She understood which was cool but I was deeply worried and embarrassed as this has never happened before) Also as I said we have been making out a lot and I guess my hardness has been like a roller coaster, really hard during making out, then we'd stop and I'd go soft, then we'd start again and get really hard on the cycle continues.
Now for the depressing part, last night after nearly the whole day of making out and light foreplay she wanted to have sex, In the back of mind I guess I did have the whole issue of being soft and worried if it would happen again. I did go soft when she stuck her hands down my pants but I got it back when I focused my mind on her while making out and fingering her, got a condom on and it stayed hard but when she put it in her it lasted for about 30 seconds and I could feel it going softer and softer, how god damn embarrassing. The thing is I wasn't focusing on doing her but more of keeping my erection which I know is the problem. How on earth do I stop this from happening? I guess it's performance anxiety but I feel it's pretty serious. my ego has taken a huge blow as I know i'm quite good in bed but seeing this is the first girl I've wanted to sleep with in a year it makes no sense as I should be really turned on about the whole thing.
It feel like as soon as push comes to shove my mind slips away from the awesome sexual experience and I just think about remaining hard. I don't know what to do.
Should I get pills like Viagra or Cialis? I don't really want to as this shouldn't be happening to me but I don't know how to control my mind now as it's a really worrying thing. My ego has taken a huge hit and I don't feel normal or like a man at all. I feel this will keep happening in my mind. Thank god she's understanding and we talk about it but still it's a terrible feeling and I feel so insecure about it now.
Help and advice please?
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