Why don't I get an erection with her?

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

so a few things I will list before I explain. I am 22, a virgin (had many opportunities but this has like always been a problem with every girl). have a chance right now to have sex with a perfect girl. Used to masturbate daily, usually more than once a day, and almost always to porn. Took a break for a few weeks a few months ago but got hooked again.

I think I've always had "bad masturbation technique" in that while doing it, I would like...flex my ass and my quads and even point my toes downwards a lot while masturbating, and perhaps this has created a crutch that i rely on to get/maintain erections. I have stopped doing that but idk if it has helped anything. But I'd say I was masturbating that way for a good 8 years, since I started

I always have morning wood, I can get erections on my own, maybe not just by thinking about stuff, unless I am truly in the zone and daydreaming. Oh yeah and my blood pressure is perfect.


Okay so yeah, even when I am there, making out with and fingering and going down on a girl I don't get an erection at all. Maybe a little chub but nothing great. Now the thing is, I am extremely attracted to especially this most recent girl and I don't understand why that doesn't get me rock hard because it should....

I am a pretty healthy and athletic guy, try to eat well. 6'3 200 pounds, so not obese or anything. Does anyone have any advice on what it is/how to fix it, or ideas what to try? I mean if I can get them on my own just fine, I should be able to get them with her. I personally think it has to do with the routine I have created over years to get erections when I want to masturbate, by rubbing my penis and flexing my lower body. But who really knows

[4Samson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 4Samson]

After you go down on her, get her to do the same to you to get you hard and then while fucking her you can flex your butt all you want. Also sounds while flexing your lower body you may be kegeling without realize it. Search the term kegel on here.

[vulcan Retired ModeratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close vulcan]

It sounds like you are putting way too much pressure on the situation. Erections need you to relax.

I was the same as a young man, I think it is very common. Relax

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

The first thing you need to do is relax. The more you worry about it the hard it becomes to maintain an erection. Its simply performance anxiety and it can be overcome. You will be just fine.

Over masturbation to porn can make it more difficult with a real girl. Porn induced ED is also fairly common. The first thing you need to do is reduce your PMO(Porn Masturbation Orgasm) frequency. If you masturbate, don't do it to porn and not more than 1-2 times per week. Start a light jelqing routine if you haven't already. And then give it a go with the girl.

You have a working functioning penis and the only thing that is holding you back is you. Relax and enjoy yourself.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

It sounds like you are putting way too much pressure on the situation. Erections need you to relax.

I was the same as a young man, I think it is very common. Relax

I totally agree here. You're stressin' on it and that's doing more harm than good. Just relax and enjoy it and go with whatever happens. If it takes her giving you some oral to get a stiffy, so be it. Either way it happens, a boner ia a boner.

[Unit Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Unit]

I agree with above. Sounds like a classic case of performance anxiety. Consider dropping the porn altogether; I'm continually amazed at all the sexual dysfunction I see stemming from porn.

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

ok for sure i will definitely try to relax and am laying off the porn. oh, and for some reason i cannot get an erection while i am standing up and if i already have one and then stand up, it'll soften up very quick. dunno what to say about that but...no bueno

another thing, i get like quite a solid amount of precum oozing out when my penis is still flaccid. is that normal or am i getting too much, could i have a venous leak or something?


and finally, could reverse kegels help me in any way here? i'm not to positive about what the purpose of reverse kegels is, i thought you just kegel to get erections easier and maintain them

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

Ok, slow down Learntolift. Firstly, you DO NOT have a venous leak. If you had a venous leak you wouldn't be able to achieve an erection. What you have is weak erections from chronic over masturbation to porn coupled with sexual anxiety.

My earlier advice still stands.

Relax.
Light Jelqing routine.
Relax some more.
Have fun with the girl.

As to kegels. They can be hugely beneficial to improving your EQ(Erection Quality) which is what you need. A balanced moderate volume reverse kegel/kegel routine should help as well. Look up posts by Pegasus, as he is the resident expert on the topic. One warning, over training kegels can reduce your EQ in the short run, hence my advice for a moderate balanced routine.

Relax and enjoy life. There is nothing wrong with your penis.

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

no doubt. so she asked me out to a show tomorrow night last weekend. we were texting tonight and she wants me to stay over. last time i was there like i said we were doing everything, but sex really. maybe i couldve had sex if i wasn't being a little bitch. like she was trying to grab my penis and did for a bit but since i am 6'3 and she is 5'3 she couldnt reach while we were making out lol and i didnt really let her go down.

but yeah i definitely need to chill the fuck out and relax. but see i am the kind of person who is always thinking, my brain is always moving, i overthink and overanalyze everything. no idea how to turn it all off.

anyway, since tomorrow night i will be staying over, any advice on really HOW to relax? maybe mental images or a mindset to have? i know i can get an erection, i mean obviously, i get them every day, it's just that i need to take it a little slow and realize that i'm just not the kinda guy who is gonna get rock hard just looking at the girl. i need some more stimulation. and sure i can sit here and say that but when the time comes i feel like i'll just be reverting back to panic inside my head


oh and edit: is it good or bad, or doesn't matter, to be kegeling to help get hard?

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

Its definitely your regular psychological ED. Comes with the territory. Cut down on porn a bit, and it will help. Also, the stress of your first time is probably there too. As for your butt flexing, you are using that to flex your PC muscles. The same thing you want to flex when practicing kegels. This will help you increase EQ, as previously stated by ZMan. Flexing PC muscles during sex is normal. It actually happens automatically, but you can control it as well and increase the contractions.

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

ok so last night i was with her and she wanted sex and of course i do too, and we were making out and i was giving her foreplay etc. and i just wasn't getting hard at all and she even gave me head and just nothing happened at all. like idk what to do.

are you sure i don't have ED? Usually I don't get erections all that easily I have to work it up unless I am like really horny. but when i am with a girl, and this one included, my penis is flaccid and it is like secreting pre-cum i guess it is. i feel like that the more that gets secreted out, the more difficult it is to get an erection. So I have no idea what that is or if it means anything or how I can get it to stop. But this is a serious concern now...

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

Let my guess. The entire time you were thinking and thinking about why you weren't getting an erection. Are you currently masturbating? Using porn? Are you following my earlier advice? Resetting your brain from porn can take weeks. Its been a couple of days.

Relax. Did you talk to her?

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

i mean kind of. but i didnt notice until i wasnt getting hard at all, and then i was like wait wtf why arent i even the slightest bit hard? I am making out with and fingering this beautiful girl....

haven't masturbated in like 4 days. no porn. trying to relax but it just isn't that easy.
talk to her about what? being a virgin? can't do that. that's just something that i won't be able to admit. i just want a hard erection so i can send her to heaven :P

[Zman007 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Zman007]

Ok, you are only 4 days in. Give it a bit more time.

Talk to her about being nervous, and how once you got nervous its all you can think about it. Tell her your brain is getting in the way and it has nothing to do with her. Sometimes just getting it out makes things easier and will allow you to relax. You don't have to tell her that you are a virgin.

Breath, you will get through this.

[Learntolift Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Learntolift]

ok if it happens again i will tell her but i don't want this to happen again. do you know whats up with the clear liquid that oozes out before i am even hard? it only is when i am with a girl too, if masturbating i am already hard when that starts to happen.