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Woman with a question about guys and ED

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  • Woman with a question about guys and ED

    I hope you don't mind having a woman on your forum. I actually haven't even read any of your threads, but thought I'd post here and see if I get any responses. I've been dating and in the past two years have come across two guys who I liked, but seemed to have an issue, and I'm not sure what the deal is. I've dated a few people in the past few years. Most of them are "normal" 8-5 type of guys and I haven't run across any of them to have any erectile issues.

    However, a couple of years ago, I met a busy doctor. I liked him, but he was always sort of stressed and thought his job was overwhelming. He was pretty young and new to his career. He hardly ever seemed to be able to get an erection or maintain one, only once in a while. We didn't date for a really long time, because he slowly dropped of the map and stopped contacting me. He still contacts me every once in a while, but his not giving me any attention at all when I thought things were going well eventually turned into a turn off for me, and I was no longer interested after several months of that. I didn't care so much about the erectile issues, because I figured he may figure them out, or... I don't know. But I didn't really care all too much because I really liked him. I just still don't know if what he was experiencing was due to stress (but he was so young!), or if he really just didn't like me (but he told me he REALLY liked me), or... I just don't know! I sort of wrote it off, except....

    Recently I met a lawyer. He's really successful and BUSY all the time. He said he rarely ever dates. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, but after a few dates, we tried to mess around but it didn't work. I figured, no big deal, maybe he's nervous. We tried again after our next date... nothing. He's 40 years old. So was it the stress, he doesn't really like me... I don't know. He had told me he's been really busy at work. He said he likes me, but can't give me the attention right now and so he would like to talk to me again in a few weeks when things are slower at work. Is that really the case? Maybe that's his way of breaking it off with me?

    In between knowing these two guys over a period of two years, there were a couple of other not-so-busy, more normal average Joe types and they had no problem. I just want to know the truth. Do these busy guys just not like me? If not, that's ok, but I don't know why they tell me otherwise. I really don't care about the issue, I figure we could work on it if they wanted to, but I never bring it up, because I don't want to embarrass them.

    At this point, any info would help. It just seems strange to me that the same situation is repeating itself with another guy.

  • #2
    Welcome to the gym. There are actually several female superstars on this site. Most recently some of the spouses of members have joined to give their 2cents.

    Erections are highly influenced by internal and external stress. You noticed the two guys with ED were extremely stressed by their jobs. This is a big factor. The second and most potent erection killer is internal stress. Once a man fails to get an erection he experiences a high degree of stress and anxiety about it. This will affect and possibly kill future attempts to get an erection. The mind is a powerful tool and weapon and sometimes it can destroy a man's confidence.

    There are Penis Exercises which can help reinvigorate the penis and increase bloodflow to aid an erection. But the most powerful thing a guy can do to combat ED is to know that a simple cure exists. Penis Exercises can help him overcome the physical problems and knowing that PE can do this he can overcome his performance anxiety and actually achieve arousal and an erection.

    If you're not comfortable talking about PE to these guys, you could actually learn how to jelq properly then perform some jelqs on him to see what happens. If it works and he asks what you did, you can refer him to this site.

    Good luck!

    Comment


    • #3
      Welcome to the Gym lilycat.
      Stress is a big problem with ED and performance anxiety is another. I would imagine that performance anxiety may be worse with guys such as doctors and lawyers due to the expectations that have always been put on them but then again I am a simple person and maybe I'm way off base. It's good to know you are willing to work through it if the guy is a standup person. The world needs more ladies like you. Porn is another big problem with ED so who knows what it could be with those guys.

      I doubt the problem is you. It is usually all in the guys head keeping them from performing. It could also be a physical problem but those are things men aren't too willing to talk about unless they are extremely comfortable with you. Please don't blame yourself at all.

      When you get a moment take some time and introduce yourself on these two places. Introduce Yourself and https://www.pegym.com/forums/womans-...ew-ladies.html.

      You will love it here and will learn alot about men and other assorted things. Please don't hesitate to ask questions. We will be more than happy to help in any way we can.
      Bondage.
      Some people call it domestic violence.
      We call it foreplay.
      Got cuffs? GAME ON!

      My routine and gains.

      Comment


      • #4
        Welcome to the GYm Lilycat! like my Mr and Namso said there are a few of of ladies here and yes stress and internal stress can really play a number on things. The Mr and I joined this site to combat ED at the time my husband found the site while researching ED, he was trying to find natural ways to overcome the ED. PEGym was a miracle cure for us along with working to detox himself from all the helping meds the Drs have give him to help him. We ended up with a endocrinologist that told my husband before I even treat you I need clean blood work that means get off all meds for 3 months. We ended up figuring out it was his blood pressure med that was affecting hi erection quality.

        So you see just hanging around here you will learn a lot. Feel free to introduce yourself in the two links my hubby provided and also read through the women's perspective forum and ad your 2 cents. Glad to have you here, you will love it!
        ​Mrs. L4M
        BDSM Safe, Sane & Consensual
        Hubby's Routine

        BPEL 6.5 +1.5 ~>8.0 02/2013
        MEG. 4.7 +1.3 ~>6.0 03/2013

        Comment


        • #5
          Welcome to the Gym, lilycat.

          In response to your question, there are soooooooooo many factors that can create ED that it's hard to tell exactly why it's happening. Stress from work, stress from personal issues and even stress from performance anxiety can be contributors. Health, diet - quite a number of factors.

          You outlined some key issues with that doctor: he was always stressed, thought his job was overwhelming, always busy - those can be definite wood killers. On top of all of that, there more than likely was pressure he felt to perform in bed (maybe you didn't do it intentionally, but he felt pressured to get it up).

          The lawyer could've been in the same boat. And since you noted that there were the "no-so-busy" types inbetween that had no issues, I'd lean toward the stress factors rather than them just not liking you. Not every super-busy doc or lawyer has wood problems - looks like you just happened upon the two that did.

          Next time it happens, if you want to help, you're going to need to be very careful in your approach about it. Guys in those prefessions you specifically stated tend to be Type-A personalities, and when they encounter issues like that, esp. erectile issues, the hits they take to their ego are a big deal to them (because it's something they think they have no control over - to a large degree, it controls them). They are already stressed - having to talk about ED with their partner is likely going to add more stress unless they are super comfortable and confident you are really trying to help them.

          Namo gave good advice on how you can learn some PE techniques yourself and incorporate them into your play time. You have to really focus though - since you won't be able to really feel what's going on with the guy's cock, you must be sure your techniques are sound. Jelqing is a marvelous exercise but can be harmful if the grip is too tight. Likewise with stretches. There are tons of articles here to help - give them a read and ask questions. The Gym has a wealth of info.

          All the best to you!
          Old Gym Log - Tracking progress with the iLogPE App
          "Wherever you go, there you are. Stay sexy, my friends."

          Comment


          • #6
            Sometimes it works the other way guys with ed issues become workaholics.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi lilycat, welcome to PEGym!

              I see that other members have covered the erectile dysfunction. I could read a possible euqually important concern of yours (?) It seems to me that you wonder whether perhaps these two men weren't enough attracted to you.

              I want to add that people stressing with their career often simply don't manage to leave their guard down enough. Yes, they can see and feel that they get attracted to a person. But during a stressful period, people don't easily fall in love. The stress keeps the serotonins in the brain from unleashing into mad and passionate love.

              Well, this naturally doesn't apply to all people in a stressful situation, as people deal with stress differently, but certainly to many people it becomes an inhibitor.

              Hope it helps a little.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Pegasus View Post
                Sometimes it works the other way guys with ed issues become workaholics.
                So very very true
                Old Gym Log - Tracking progress with the iLogPE App
                "Wherever you go, there you are. Stay sexy, my friends."

                Comment


                • #9
                  I don't think a man have problem with the erection only because he don't like you. There may be several reasons. Porn and masturbation is one, and another factor may be the stress you mentioned.

                  Good luck!
                  “I keep six honest serving men (they taught me all i knew); Theirs names are What and Why and When And How And Where and Who.” - Rudyard Kipling

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    We love women on this site. Welcome!!

                    It's not you. I know that for sure. It's them. I too am in my 40's. I too am under a lot of stress (I'm also a Dr.). I too was suffering from ED. I have a stunningly beautiful vibrant wife, who I love, but I couldn't get hard. WTF!?!?

                    There are dozens of reasons for ED. Plus that fucking ED made my wife think she wasn't "sexy" anymore. I feel terrible for making her feel that way. So I did some research. Truthfully, in my case, the ED was the by-product of too much porn, being stressed, and being circumcised. So I quit porn, started doing penis exercises, and began foreskin regeneration (yeah I admit that last part makes me sound like a weirdo). 3 1/2 months later - BOOM BANG BING - I get hard easily and frequently. My wife and I are having great sex on a regular basis. Thank God I found this PEgym.com site. There is a lot of good advice for men here.

                    It would be nice if your doc and lawyer took steps to determine the cause of their ED and start making the appropriate lifestyle changes. As a man, I promise, it is one of the most frustrating things in the world - to have a penis that won't work. So I really hope they "google" their problem and don't settle for a lame-ass soft dick that makes their wonderful woman feel inadequate. Hope this info helps.
                    "with great EQ, comes great responsibility"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I just want to know the truth. Do these busy guys just not like me? If not, that's ok, but I don't know why they tell me otherwise. I really don't care about the issue, I figure we could work on it if they wanted to, but I never bring it up, because I don't want to embarrass them.

                      At this point, any info would help. It just seems strange to me that the same situation is repeating itself with another guy.[/QUOTE]

                      LiliyCat - it is a tender subject, no doubt. But grab the courage to talk to your man about his problem. Trust me, he wants to get rid of it too. What I have learned in my 12 years of marriage is that the more open and honest you are - especially about sex!- the more wonderful your relationship becomes - especially with sex!

                      Go buy a 6-pack of bud lite lime and sit your man down and have a heart-to-heart. ED is just a symptom, together you will find the cure.
                      "with great EQ, comes great responsibility"

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