Hero to Zero

[random_name Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close random_name]

Long story here.

30 years old, broke up with my gf because she still refuse to have sex after 10 years. (no need for comments here please) ...Obviously I've been addicted to porn my whole life... but the last few years I realized I was having a problem.. It started when I quit getting hard while getting lap dances at the strip club. The last 3 or so years I have been in the worst kind of depression. Little exercise, eating poorly regularly, stressed out.

I broke up with her this summer and have been working to get myself together. Running 3+ times a week 3 miles at a time, eating healthy, thinking positive.. But I didn't know how I was going to have the confidence to be with another girl after what I've been through.. And I have been worrying for the past couple years if my EQ was even going to be adequate for sex.

I saw a doctor a couple years ago and discussed it. I had blood tests done to check testosterone levels, and he said everything was pretty normal... So this year after breaking up with my gf I became heavily concerned again. I went to a urologist and discussed everything with him, but I feel like he didn't address my concerns as I would expect a urologist to do. He just took a look at me for 5 seconds and said everything looks normal. After that I talked to a different GP while in for a checkup and he didn't offer any help.

But anyway, at this time I was already seeing a new girl. Every night she came over, we would be cuddling and I was constantly hot in my pants the all the time. When I would use the bathroom my dick was fat and my boxers wet with pre cum... I was still incredibly nervous but gaining confidence. After a couple nights I knew she was ready.. Ultimately I knew I had to tell her what happened with my ex, so I did.. Nights after that she let me touch and suck on her naked but I was still too nervous.

Then a couple weeks ago we were sleeping in bed during the day and I woke up with the fullest erection I've ever seen.. it was just swollen.. After using the bathroom I decided I couldn't waste my chance.. We had sex like 3 days in a row, then 1 day she needed a break, then again the day after like 2 times.... So at this point I'm feeling like all my problems are solved and I have nothing to worry about.

It was a few days before I would see her again.. And the next time my worst fear came true and I lost my erection while trying to enter... the next time the same thing happened and It's been a losing battle since..

I feel like those 2 times I just wasn't hard enough before sex... She doesn't give oral and that's very intimidating for me. Now I'm stressing every day thinking about this.. I'm not getting random erections thinking about sex at work like I was when we were going at it.... My blood flow seems terrible down there.. My flaccid size went to hell. Morning wood is basically gone.

I just don't understand how my body changed like this.... I had been taking supplements. Mens one a day, L-arginine, fish oil, zinc, vitamin E, B12... I was feeling like I was taking too many things, but I always took the one a day and L-arginine every day. I had given up porn and masterbation before I met her as well. So I was charged up for a good 2-3 weeks.. Now I just don't know what to do... I feel like I should try to get on some Cialis because it's been weeks since we had sex now, and I know she's frustrated about it... I just tell her I'm nervous because I am... The other night I tried talking to her about it to say I've been stressing really bad because I want what we had... She said I shouldn't have brought it up because she's been trying to put it in the back of her mind.

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

Sounds like you are going thru a terrible spell. IN A NUTSHELL: You are going to be addressing many issues here: Take them one step at a time. Stay away from from porn......from what I hear it will take time to reboot and reprogram your mind and body. It's not your fault,,,,,get as far away from stress and blame as you can. Keep eating well and exercising. Read up on pshycological (I know it's spelled wrong) issues and understand that you have no control over certain things. Don't worry about what your "getting and not getting sexually" right now,,,,,it will eventually work out. Live and be concerned about your life and your happiness,,,,,,,let everyone else take care of their own. We often give and give and give till we have nothing left to give, nor nothing left for ourselves. Keep running if you can,,,,it's great for stress. This is just basic stuff, but important as well. You need time to heel. You can do it!! -and keep PE'ing!!

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Dick gave you some good advice. You might try upping your l-arginine. I take 5000 mg three hours prior to anticipated sexual activity. I have also read that if you take it daily, you should cycle off one week every month.

The next time you get together with your GF, relax and concentrate on erotic touching and feeling and do not focuse on intercourse. However, if this generates an erection, go for it.

You might even get try getting involved in a little light jelqing. Since I started upping my jelqing for Jelq for Health Month, my EQ seems to have improved (and I have ED)

[random_name Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close random_name]

I mean, I am still getting erections with her.. but they aren't as full and go away quickly.. which was my concern before I met this girl. This is why I was trying to go to the doctors to determine if there was something wrong with me. If I haven't masturbated or had sex in weeks, shouldn't I be ready for her? I assume most men don't have to worry about supplements and exercises to be ready for sex. I want to get on Cialis until I figure this out because I feel terrible not being able to provide what she needs. Also she is 10 years younger than me so I'm feeling insecure about that because her other partners were all younger.

[Cptchewy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cptchewy]

Sounds to me like a flatline point. Im a few days shy of 90 days no porn but have masterbated once a week or so during the time. Im just now coming out of my 3rd or 4th flatline.

[Roguish75 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Roguish75]

TDoctors are nearly useless.

you already know what you need to do concerning porn and masturbation. It's scary, but you've probably known it for years.

without knowing what your testosterone and everything else actually is, it's impossible to say if it's an issue. The Doctor will call you good if you're at the lowest point of "normal" which is on a non-age adjusted scale and doesn't even mean HEALTHY its just average! So your test is "normal" but you're being compared to 70 yo men. It's complete bullshit.

Ive been through the same thing the last few years. For me it's porn/masturbation/orgasm, combat stress (three years Iraq) , and testosterone.

My GFs know and understand and work with me. Told them all first time together. "Hey I've got some issues, probably porn addiction related, etc, etc. " all were completely cool with it and either had heard of it, were going through some of it themselves (women have the same porn addiction orgasm issues, along with vibrator addiction issues) or if they hadn't heard of it understood brain chemistry enough to put two and two together instantly.

Telling them takes the pressure off and helps a lot with anxiety. Also women love to heal, and love anything "alternative" so bonus is I get tantric type lingam massages multiple times a week. That has helped a ton. It's a lot like a girl doing PE on you, stretching, jelqing, etc.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

You have a head issue .

[namsokiek Banned Find all posts View Profile Close namsokiek]

during intercourse the moment you think, "am I losing my erection?" you'll suddenly be right.

If you buy into the whole survival of the species thing, then you should realize this condition is not in your genes, not part of your make-up.

As Pegasus implied, sex is a mental exercise. The thing that makes sex good is the sensations transmitted by the nerves in your body. Your brain is the CPU for these nerves; it gathers, correlates, and interprets these sensations. However, your brain can also completely bock or turn off these things. So if you can get an erection, worry about maintaining it as you penetrate, then lose the erection, the problem is you're brain is cock-blocking you.

Shifting your mental focus from enjoying the sensual pleasure of the moment to worrying about your erection kills the moment, kills the erection, and kills your ego.

Focus on the pleasure of the touch, taste, smells and sounds of your lover. Focus your attention on your desires for her and act accordingly.

[random_name Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close random_name]

Yea, I understand the mental correlation... but the reason I was worrying about it in the first place is because my EQ was significantly worse than it was the 4 days we were having sex.... Those days my EQ was fucking awesome and I was constantly holding back erections at work.. I would lay down with her and I was already ready to go.... then the next week it's like my libido just went to hell..

[Cptchewy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cptchewy]

Yea, I understand the mental correlation... but the reason I was worrying about it in the first place is because my EQ was significantly worse than it was the 4 days we were having sex.... Those days my EQ was fucking awesome and I was constantly holding back erections at work.. I would lay down with her and I was already ready to go.... then the next week it's like my libido just went to hell..

Pretty much how my flatlines would go. I would have quite the libido for a while, having morning wood and random erections, then one day, I could only jelq with low erection level because I was just flat, no erections or morning wood. Then within the next week or so it started to come back. It can be a long slow process for some.

[random_name Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close random_name]

Pretty much how my flatlines would go. I would have quite the libido for a while, having morning wood and random erections, then one day, I could only jelq with low erection level because I was just flat, no erections or morning wood. Then within the next week or so it started to come back. It can be a long slow process for some.

So.. this is something all men experience? Well it has been more than a week... more like 3.

[Cptchewy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Cptchewy]

From what I understand about it, it comes from the brain trying to deal with you taking the stimulus (porn) away. Some people it happens quickly, I've read of some guys having issues well after 90 days of no porn. It all depends on the person and how deep the addiction is rooted in. I've been through 3 or 4 so far.

[wannahung Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close wannahung]

Random, get your self a cock ring and see if that helps. If it does at least you can have intercourse while you sort this out. If getting a ring is difficult or you don't want to wait the wide rubber band that comes on a head of broccoli can work well but usually brakes after a few uses

[getinbig Senior Member Member of the Month March 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close getinbig]

Random, get your self a cock ring and see if that helps. If it does at least you can have intercourse while you sort this out. If getting a ring is difficult or you don't want to wait the wide rubber band that comes on a head of broccoli can work well but usually brakes after a few uses

Have to get some broccoli and try that...probably works well! Thanks for the tip.

[random_name Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close random_name]

OK guys, I am not getting any type of ring.. this girl is young and if the cock ring failed on me that would be even more embarrassing. When I tried talking to her about the stress and anxiety she said I shouldn't have mentioned it... but I think I should explain to her how the porn probably fucked me up really bad... she knows what my ex did to me and asked before if I ever looked at porn.. I was like yea, don't you think I would be pretty dependent on it with what I went through? I made an apt. at another doctor to try and get a prescription for Cialis. I want to become normal asap from staying away from porn and masturbation, but I feel like Cialis will allow me to be normal until I can be normal by myself.