How to overcome Performance Anxiety? (Read more)

**anythingrandom** · 08-01-2014

I was wondering if performance anxiety is different when sleeping with anyone and sleeping with more experienced individuals than you, in other words you feeling like you wouldn't live up to their standards.

I am only 20 and have had a fairly frequent lifestyle minus the last three months and am pretty much back to ground zero for performance anxiety. This morning I couldnt lose my erection in order to sleep and when the idea of sex came up (she woke up) I lost my erection...

I've also developed a habit of teeth clenching every few seconds in bed which is correlated to stress (getting incorporated soon) and she told me it was probably that. It can be but I feel that it is only a portion of the issue and deep down I feel she is way more experienced than me.

How can i overcome this? Aside from yoga to destress me out, what other alternatives can I use to cure performance anxiety? Thanks!

**CUSP82** · 08-01-2014

What's the cure for anxiety, performance or otherwise?

**TPW** · 08-01-2014

Hey Jazzz,

Our emotions are often time-based. Guilt and shame, for example, are based on past experiences whereas fear and anxiety - performance or otherwise - are generated by a concern for an upcoming event. All our most pleasant or positive emotions are experienced in the present moment. This is why many spiritual practices advocate mindfulness and teach us methods on how to remain in the present moment. By remaining in the "now", we are prevented from experiencing fear, anxiety, guilt, shame or any other negative emotion.

So to help eliminate performance anxiety, consider adopting a method that can teach you to remain in the present moment or at least consider future events in a more positive light. Also keep the following in mind:

1) When referring to sex, eliminate the word “performance” from your thoughts and vocabulary. For many people, the word "performance" often conjures up images of needing to accomplish a task perfectly or run the risk of possible humiliation. Instead, consider what good sex really is; an intimate, sensual dance between two people where there is an equal sharing of give and take; nothing more. A “performance” is for actors but a “sensual dance” is for lovers.

2) While engaging in sexual play; get out of your head and into your body. Really focus on the physical sensations you are experiencing. Focus as well on how your partner feels, smells and tastes. Allow your sexual play to flow naturally with no thoughts or expectations about how it will end. Simply enjoy the journey (lots and lots of sensual foreplay) rather than rush to the finish line (orgasm).

3) To help distract your thoughts, consider adding music with a slow, sexy tempo to your lovemaking session. Also consider adding aromatherapy to your sex session to help distract and keep you in the moment. And both are really great passion triggers too!

OK...Just a few more reminders:

Stop rating your sexual experience, especially while you're having it.

Stop exaggerating how bad it is not to have an orgasm.

Stop worrying about what your partner may think of you; which isn't something you can control and instead focus on what you can control - your own world of erotic thoughts, fantasies, sensations and feelings.

Remind yourself that that sex is about connection, pleasure and enjoyment so as the saying goes...feel the fear and do IT anyway!

Here are some other threads about performance anxiety that you may find helpful:

https://www.pegym.com/forums/erectil...e-anxiety.html

https://www.pegym.com/forums/erectil...tml#post894598