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  • Future husband has erectile dysfunction

    I am planning on marrying a man with erectile dysfunction. I love him very much despite the problem, but it is causing me some stress to think that we won't be able to have a normal sex life. I would like to help him improve the situation before we get married if I can. I have been reading many posts in this forum, but would also like to get feedback on his particular situation in case I'm missing something.

    He's currently 39 years old. He reported that the problem started fairly abruptly when he was about 30. He was under a fair amount of stress at the time, so the problem was understandable. However, it never resolved itself. He only gets weak erections now (and for the past nine years). He's able to orgasm and ejaculate when he masturbates. We've never had sex, as we're waiting for marriage.

    Shortly after the problem started he saw a doctor and had a variety of different tests done. He doesn't have diabetes or chronic hypertension. His hormone levels are normal. And his nerve function is normal. The doctor told him it was psychological and gave him a prescription for Viagra (50mg). It works for him.

    Overall, he's fairly healthy. He doesn't smoke or drink. He eats relatively well. He's not overweight. He's not addicted to porn. He exercises a bit. In the past month, he's started doing Kegels consistently, but there's no obvious improvement yet. He says he doesn't get morning erections, although once or twice a month, he'll get a full erection just before he falls asleep. However, when he's awake, he never gets a full erection.

    Does anyone have any idea what the problem is or how it could be improved? My best guess is that he wasn't having erections during that original time of stress and something just stopped functioning. Maybe the blood supply diminished and lack of spontaneous erections now means it just stays bad?

  • #2
    Why not send him here. If you love him enough to come here and try to help him then you love him enough to tell him to come and talk to us, we can ask questions, and not only might we be able to help but will will help.
    The world's still a toy if you just stay a boy!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by topsyturvy View Post
      I am planning on marrying a man with erectile dysfunction. I love him very much despite the problem, but it is causing me some stress to think that we won't be able to have a normal sex life. I would like to help him improve the situation before we get married if I can. I have been reading many posts in this forum, but would also like to get feedback on his particular situation in case I'm missing something.

      He's currently 39 years old. He reported that the problem started fairly abruptly when he was about 30. He was under a fair amount of stress at the time, so the problem was understandable. However, it never resolved itself. He only gets weak erections now (and for the past nine years). He's able to orgasm and ejaculate when he masturbates. We've never had sex, as we're waiting for marriage.

      Shortly after the problem started he saw a doctor and had a variety of different tests done. He doesn't have diabetes or chronic hypertension. His hormone levels are normal. And his nerve function is normal. The doctor told him it was psychological and gave him a prescription for Viagra (50mg). It works for him.

      Overall, he's fairly healthy. He doesn't smoke or drink. He eats relatively well. He's not overweight. He's not addicted to porn. He exercises a bit. In the past month, he's started doing Kegels consistently, but there's no obvious improvement yet. He says he doesn't get morning erections, although once or twice a month, he'll get a full erection just before he falls asleep. However, when he's awake, he never gets a full erection.

      Does anyone have any idea what the problem is or how it could be improved? My best guess is that he wasn't having erections during that original time of stress and something just stopped functioning. Maybe the blood supply diminished and lack of spontaneous erections now means it just stays bad?
      And my guess is on these nights he's less stressed than the others ----- Sounds easy to agree with his doc, and stress and anxiety are definitely contributing - if not the whole story....that being said, hormone values being "normal" doesn't necessarily mean optimal - especially as he is aging.

      As a good insurance policy, you should get him to drink pomegranate juice and add garlic to foods and / or take a garlic supplement - which will help things in addition to the Viagra.

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      • #4
        to the Gym topsyturvy!


        I suggest you ask him to join us so we can help him. You can read the information available here together, and you can be of great assistance to him on the journey to recovery and self improvement!


        Good luck to you and to your future husband!
        MrB8
        Senior Member
        Member of the Month Nov 2013
        Last edited by MrB8; 11-18-2014, 04:23 PM.
        A real man never hurts a woman. The woman came out of a man’s rib, not from his feet to be walked on, and not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved. - Mrs. workin_4_it

        Comment


        • #5
          Welcome to the gym topsyturvy!

          Maybe look into meditation, he sounds like he just may have trouble relaxing, but as the others suggest send him here.

          Nice to have you with us, would be even nicer to have another couple!

          Good luck!
          "Those who know others have knowledge,
          those who know themselves have insight.
          Those who master others have force,
          those who master themselves have strength". - Lao Tzu

          Comment


          • #6
            I have ED and I also have a very active sex life. There are a number of treatments that can off set the ED.

            Jelqing ng and pumping are good ways to improve circulation and the health of a penis without resorting to medications.

            As for as medications are concerned I have been using them for years without any significant side effects, but each guy reacts differently.

            Has your fiancée visited a doctor specializing in male sexual dysfunction (a general urologist is not knowledgeable enough)?

            In addition to medication, there are special penis pumps - vacuum erection devices (VED) that are specifically designed to allow a constriction band to be slipped around the base of the erection to maintain it.

            Depending on how severe his ED is, he may want to consider Trimix injections and, as a last resort, a penile implant.

            You/he can find more information on the above at franktalk.org. It is a forum focused on Erectile dysfunction.
            Valued Member of 12+ years at the PEGym
            12/'09 (start) NBP EL - 4.5, EG - 4.4
            12/11 NBPEL - 5.1, MSEG - 5
            01/13 NBPEL - 5.35, MSEG - 5.1
            01/14 NBPEL - 5.35, MSEG - 5.25
            01/16 NBPEL - 5.4, MSEG - 5.5
            Fat Pad = 1+/-

            Real cars have two seats. Everything else is a bus.

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            • #7
              I'm topsyturvy's boyfriend. She has summarised well the history of my problem. I don't immediately have anything to add to that but am willing to answer questions anyone might wish to pose. I'd like to express my gratitude for the advice already offered and would welcome any more.

              @nottobig - The urologist I visited was a generalist, and my visit was several years ago. A fresh opinion from a specialist urologist would certainly be interesting. It's something I'd have to psych myself up for though - I don't find interaction with the medical world at all comfortable (even about less sensitive issues).

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by jonz View Post
                I'm topsyturvy's boyfriend. She has summarised well the history of my problem. I don't immediately have anything to add to that but am willing to answer questions anyone might wish to pose. I'd like to express my gratitude for the advice already offered and would welcome any more.

                @nottobig - The urologist I visited was a generalist, and my visit was several years ago. A fresh opinion from a specialist urologist would certainly be interesting. It's something I'd have to psych myself up for though - I don't find interaction with the medical world at all comfortable (even about less sensitive issues).
                Welcome aboard jonz!

                These guys and girls can help you out a lot! Your girlfriend sure sounds like you got a good one. I feel you'll be fine in the end once you get things sorted out. I'm kinda having the same issues that you are too, and it's embarrassing as hell for me to talk to a doctor about it. I get that "white coat syndrome" pretty bad.

                No need to be embarrassed here - It's a really friendly community where you can ask anything without being judged!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Welcome to the gym jonz!

                  Glad you decided to join us, it might be worth trying one of the light beginner routines, to see if it helps your Erection Quality (EQ). Some of our members have overcome their erectile difficulties with some of the routines here alone I believe.

                  Some of the beginner routines are listed here with important safety information.

                  https://www.pegym.com/forums/beginne...cess-here.html

                  Paying attention to these whilst exercising is also very important.

                  https://www.pegym.com/articles/physi...p-penis-growth

                  If you choose to do these routines go easy to begin.

                  Good luck bro, stay positive!
                  "Those who know others have knowledge,
                  those who know themselves have insight.
                  Those who master others have force,
                  those who master themselves have strength". - Lao Tzu

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm all for waiting if that's what people like to do, but isn't it just possible that it is psychological because of stress and the fact that ya'll have never had sex? He may get weak erections when masturbating, but how do you know he truly has this issue if you guys have never had sex? I never get fully erect while just masturbating, it's kinda boring; sex on the other hand.... My point is, maybe it is just psychological and maybe when ya'll have sex he won't have this problem.
                    July 2nd 2014 starting NBPEL: 7, BPEL:8, EG:5

                    restart January 8th 2020 NBPEL: 7 1/4 BPEL 8 1/4 EG: 5.4

                    realistic goal: NBPEL:7.5 BPEL:8.5 MEG:5.75

                    Dream 0.o NBPEL:8 BPEL:9 MEG:6

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                    • #11
                      If I understand your situation correctly, your fiancé has trouble achieving and maintaining an erection, but he is able to ejaculate. As the two of you are waiting until marriage to have sex, has he had these issues only while masturbating, while you have engaged in other sexual activities besides vaginal intercourse together (i.e. manual or oral stimulation, etc.), or has he reported having these problems with previous sexual partners?

                      ED is either organic or psychogenic (although, most guys with organic ED get hang ups that precipitate a psychogenic component). If he is occasionally able to achieve spontaneous rigid erections, as you describe, his ED is likely psychogenic as his doctor indicated.

                      Arousal is parasympathetically mediated, meaning that anxiety (sympathetic) inhibits erection (whereas ejaculation is sympathetically mediated). As you'll see in the posts of this forum, we men can have all manner of insecurities and fears about sex. Any inner struggle about the morality, quality, safety, etc. of our sexual acts or the fidelity, pleasure, appeal of our partner can throw things off. Sometimes these anxieties are societally driven, sometimes they are rooted in our personal past sexual experiences or beliefs.

                      I'd say the best you can do as his prospective partner is to not make him more self conscious about the issue: to make clear that your personal gratification and, more broadly, your love and commitment to him are not contingent upon him achieving an erection. This also means when you finally do the deed that you're comfortable enough with one another to find alternative means of stimulating each other until his penis decides to cooperate. If his Viagra is working for him, this can also help him gain confidence and comfort as you get used to one another and build trust over time.

                      Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! Enjoy consummating your relationship, but try to not let the anticipation build expectations to perform.
                      2008: 6" BPEL
                      Now: 7-1/8" BPEL
                      Goal: 8" BPEL

                      Current Progress Log
                      Phallosan Forte Review

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                      • #12
                        to the Gym Jonz!


                        Stress can do this to you and more, do your best to relax and get rid of your stress, you have a fine fiancee and a bright life ahead, always look at the good side of everything, life is full of good and fun stuff to enjoy especially with your better half!


                        Kegel exercises do help promote blood flow to the penis, as well as increase erection quality (EQ), but also you need not over do them, and it is advisable to follow them with reverse kegels to reach and maintain pelvic floor balance.


                        In addition, PE exercises such as Jelqing, Edging, and stretching have a very positive effect, improving overall penile health and increasing EQ, with a size gains bonus!


                        Don't miss this thread!!!





                        And if you haven't already done so, please READ THIS Thread, Maximize Your Success Here and focus on safety, you only have one penis, take good care of it.

                        Pick one of the manual beginner routines to follow for at least 90 days to condition your penis, most members here choose JP90, start with less reps and intensity, and build up to the full routine over the period of a few weeks.



                        Pay attention to your PIs, your penis is trying to tell you if you are over working, or you are in the growth zone, aim for positive PIs, and steer away from the negative ones.

                        Physiologic Indicators (PIs) to Help Penis Growth!

                        What to Expect....A Beginner's Guide


                        Good Luck!
                        A real man never hurts a woman. The woman came out of a man’s rib, not from his feet to be walked on, and not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved. - Mrs. workin_4_it

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Welcome topsyturvy and Jonz. Good to see a couple supporting each other through something like this.

                          The forums are a great place to seek advice for concerns like this, and we're really glad you came here.

                          There's some great advice and reading above. We sure hope it helps you both out.

                          Congratulations on the upcoming wedding, and good luck to both of you!
                          Going an inch and 1/2 deeper than before

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Hiya topsyturvy and Jonz and welcome to the forums!

                            Sincere congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. We are happy to assist both of you in any way we can. The guys have provided some excellent information and links that I am sure you will find helpful so I just wanted to add that should you require it, there are also some helpful and supportive ladies available on the forum as well. We can often be located in the following forums:

                            A Woman's Perspective

                            Relationship Forum

                            The Gym

                            Welcome aboard!
                            TPW
                            Senior Member
                            Member of the Month Oct 2013
                            Last edited by TPW; 11-18-2014, 06:11 PM.

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                            • #15
                              Thank you all for your detailed responses. It's very much appreciated. The positivity helps too because it all seems a little scary at the moment.

                              Originally posted by dukenukem8 View Post
                              I'm all for waiting if that's what people like to do, but isn't it just possible that it is psychological because of stress and the fact that ya'll have never had sex? He may get weak erections when masturbating, but how do you know he truly has this issue if you guys have never had sex?
                              It's true. I can't say for sure how it will work out. It just seems strange that he absolutely never gets complete erections while awake. Before the onset of the problem (as far as I know) he had full erections most of the time, even while masturbating. There was a definite drop-off in terms of function.

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