My SO has ED, newbie seeking advice...

[phoenix09]

All very true, I think. We cannot provide the same answers for him as he is not the one asking. Can you get him to see a therapist? Some times we need professional help when a problem is beyond our ability. If he were here asking and sharing I have no doubt that we could help him help himself. I also know we can help you .

If you think you can/want to go the therapy route, Psychology Today is a major psychological publication and if you go to their website Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist there's a function on the rightish middle part of the screen where you can find a licensed therapist, as well as the option to search for the type you need. Everyone needs help sometimes.

[Party]

One other thing 86. I know there have been many posting to bring him to the Gym. Until you work this out between yourselves or with a professional, NO. I can't imagine how I'd feel if my wife had told a bunch of strangers about my ED and that she thought they could "fix me". Yikes. I probably couldn't get an erection even with Viagra. I know the guys mean well and want to help but if ya ain't had ED, then they just don't know the pain of it. God Bless

[BigO]

Zman, I definitely figured it was psychological, with maybe a small part due to meds for the same reasons you mentioned. While I'm no doctor (and as far as I know neither are you LOL), it definitely makes me feel better to have someone else provide a more in-depth analysis of the situation and arrive at the same conclusion. Thanks!

That being said, I'm having issues figuring out HOW to reduce his anxiety. I've told him all I know to tell him, that I'm craving him because of his shape and size (especially shape), that I'm sexually mature enough to know what will satisfy me and that I knew his size prior to having sex with him, that it's not just about the physical but also about how much I want to be with him for who he is both physically AND emotionally, etc, etc. I think I've done what I can to show it, too, but maybe not, I don't know.

Can anyone add anything about how to make him feel at ease? Especially how to talk about it and work through it? I know he's defensive and I want more than anything to show him that he has nothing to be defensive about (because he really doesn't!) but I don't know how. I was in a relationship for many years and there isn't much that embarrasses or fazes me, which I told him, but he doesn't seem to understand that. I've dealt with the occasional 'disappearing act' many times over the years, among other things, which I've told him. It's not a big deal to me, it's not something to be embarrassed about, unless, of course, nothing is done to improve the situation.


BigO, I appreciate your comment, but I'm unsure about just being that upfront about it, at least any more than I have been. He knows I've been trying to find information about how to help the situation, and I've told him that I figure there are two things that can happen: one, sit back and do nothing, or two, try to find a solution. I wanna opt for the second choice, but it seems like he wants the former. My concern is that if I try to be 'cold' about it he'll just shut down even more. Regardless, though, like you said, I don't feel that ED is something to leave him over; however, if he is unwilling to work on the issue things will definitely be headed in a different direction. Which sucks because I really do care about him and like him.


Thanks to everyone for the continued advice and help! It's such a massive relief to be able to talk about these things frankly and openly and know that the people commenting have had similar experiences!!!!

I did not mean for you too be cold. I meant that what I was going to say may make me seem cold.

I just mean that there may come the time that you will have to put you first. If you come to believe he will not try then you should leave.

I am all for you trying to help him and find it admirable. Just don't give up your joys if he won't do something to help himself.

[BigO]

One other thing 86. I know there have been many posting to bring him to the Gym. Until you work this out between yourselves or with a professional, NO. I can't imagine how I'd feel if my wife had told a bunch of strangers about my ED and that she thought they could "fix me". Yikes. I probably couldn't get an erection even with Viagra. I know the guys mean well and want to help but if ya ain't had ED, then they just don't know the pain of it. God Bless

Quite a few members have come here because of their wives. The guys already withdrawn from sex.

I believe some counseling would be better but that's if he would go in the first place.