My SO has ED, newbie seeking advice...

[cf86]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to be posting this, so please forgive me if it's not. I'll try to be brief as I explain the situation, and any advice is much appreciated.

For the past 6 months, I've been in a relationship. I'm not the kind of girl to jump into the sack with just anyone, so at first our interactions involved everything but sex. He had no noticeable problems getting it up, or so it seemed, but when the time came for the big performance things flopped, quite literally.

I'm the first sexual encounter/relationship he's had in several years, and I'm sure some of it is psychological and pharmacological (he's on a couple different prescription meds), which I totally understand. But I feel that while the meds may cause unavoidable problems, there's no excuse for not working through the other issues that may be interfering with the consummation of our relationship.

I've been more than willing to refrain from actual sex and engage in oral/manual stimulation instead, but he seems to want to avoid everything even remotely sexual now, including making out! I want to help him, NOT only because sex is really REALLY important to me, but also because I know this is affecting his self-esteem. Even though I'm more of an every day person, I'm okay with once or twice a week, but even that isn't happening.

The other issue is his size. He is more than sufficient to do the trick for me, but because of an offhanded comment I made at one point he is now convinced that he isn't big enough. I don't know how to tell him otherwise, and apparently my constant desire for him isn't doing anything to prove to him that I'm really into him AND his package.

He's starting an exercise regimen soon which is gonna include a number of supplements, some of which I suggested because of their effect on ED (drug interactions have been checked and they're all fine!), so I'm hoping that will help. In the meantime, however, I'm wondering if anyone can give me any suggestions for what I can do in the bedroom to help. After reading a sticky on this forum, I can't help wondering if the years of being single and self-stimulating through porn have screwed things up for him, but I'm hoping not.

I don't want to believe that it's just never gonna happen between us, but at this point I don't know what else to do. I'm starting to feel that perhaps he just isn't attracted to me sexually, which is slowly but surely starting to screw with my head a little. He won't talk about it much more than saying that he regrets knowing that I'm horny and he can't get it up to satisfy me, which is pointless to me. IMO, 'bad sex' is only as bad as lack of communication and an unwillingness to work on things makes it, if that makes sense.

Anyways, I suppose that summarizes things. Any advice is much appreciated!

[MrB8]

Welcome to the Gym Cf86!


Thank you for joining!

Sorry to hear about your and your SO's problems, I commend you on your approach and support for him, you will find great support from the members here, there are also helpful ladies in the membership who may share their advice with you.

Until you know more information to tell us about his physical health, I can only assume he is suffering from anxiety related erection issues, the mind can play a big role in controling how one feels, and if he thinks he has a problem, it will affect how he responds. Mostly, he may fear he has ED so his brain does not let him get an erection, it is a negative loop cycle that needs to be broken, other performance anxiety problems would also cause these symptoms, he may think he will not measure up, or that his "performance" will not be satisfactory. That size remark may have also affected him.

In my opinion, an honest talk would help, also inviting him to join us on here would allow him to learn from all the input we have on these problems over the years, and get to meet other members who have been in similar situations and were able to get past them.

Penis Enlargement exercises do improve erectile function, and penile health, many do come here to treat ED, both physiological and psychological, the Gym can be a great support group in such cases and you and your SO are welcome to be part of the community!


If you want, please take a minute to introduce yourself on the thread linked below.

Welcome to new ladies!


And browse through the following threads to find helpful information for your relationship!

Most Popular Relationship Forum FAQs

Most Popular Women's Perspective Forum FAQs


Good luck to you and your SO!

[JonPop]

Welcome here cf86. Please listen to MrB8 and DO have your SO come pay us a visit.

[smith114]

Hey I have the same problem and "I can't help wondering if the years of being single and self-stimulating through porn have screwed things up for him, but I'm hoping not " is exactly my concern for myself, too. Once I asked a doctor but he said porn does not affect erection quality. But there are a lot of people who think otherwise. Sorry I can`t be a help but I just wanted to say there are a lot of guys who has that problem and not all of us are like to have someone supportive around us. Anyway good luck.

[not2big]

Hey cf86!

Welcome to the Gym.

As mrB8 already mentioned, we would need a lot more information before we can begin to make recommendations. The first sexual encounter with my future wife was also a complete flop and remained in the back of my head for several months. Performance anxiety can have a devistating effect on a new relationship.

How many times have you and your SO attempted intercourse and under what circumstances did they occur? If you remain supportive and the next time the "opportunity" arises, assure him you are not looking for penetration, but rather are mostly interested in an erotic touchy/feely experience. Once relaxed and enjoying each other's bodies, perhaps the little guy will want to come up and play.

[BigO]

Welcome to the gym.

There are many guys that have come here in the position that your SO is in and made fantastic recoveries.

Encourage him to check us out if that will not be a strain on things for you.

Nothing to lose by trying.

[cf86]

I think he would have a heart attack if I suggested him taking a look at this site!!! He'd probably consider it confirmation that his inability to perform is a death knell to whatever semblance of masculinity he may have and never even come close to trying intimacy again. It seems like this problem is such a big deal that he's ignoring it/pretending that it doesn't exist. Either that, or it really isn't a big deal to him and he's just legitimately not interested in solving it.

According to him, part of his avoidance of sexual interactions over the years has been due to anxiety, which again, I understand. I want to help him break out of the mental cage he's put himself in, but unfortunately I can't help wondering if he's too comfortable being there after all this time.

I don't know. I was thinking about spending some time just relaxing with him and exploring each other while focusing only on the sensations and whatnot, but somehow I think he's gonna get impatient and frustrated because of what he perceives the end expectation is gonna be. Now that I think about it, I guess the biggest issue is not the fact that the ED exists, but rather how limited our conversations have been. I feel like I'm constantly beating the proverbial 'dead horse' every time I mention something about sex to him, but at the same time it's something I feel needs to be addressed. I want to proactively work on this with him for both our sakes, but it seems impossible because of his real or feigned lack of interest in the subject.

I suppose those issues extend beyond the reach of this forum, though. If anyone has any suggestions as far as other things I might do to help the situation, like things that might help boost his confidence or help him focus, please feel free to let me know! I know that in the end this is something he's gonna have to face on his own, but I would like to do what I can (if there's anything I can do) to help him in the process. Thanks!

[Cavalier]

Welcome!

I found this site myself while searching the net for ED solutions. It has done wonders for me here. There is a wealth of information here regarding ED, both physiological and psychological. The members are great and very helpful. Encourage him to join us, he won't be disappointed.

Edit:
I didn't see your last post until I posted mine.

I don't think that there is a quick fix here. Right now he needs your support in a way that he is not feeling any pressure. Let him know how much you care for him and are into him. He needs to feel comfortable being with you. Try cuddling on the couch while watching a movie, go out to dinner or whatever he may really enjoy doing. Just let him know you enjoy being with him with out expecting sex. Anything you can do right now to help reduce any anxiety he has is going to help. The more comfortable he becomes around you, the more likely he is to start opening up to you.

[closed224]

Go back to the activities he enjoyed that did not cause problems. I mean the ones that he was able to get an erection with. Stay with those activities, and try to become completely comfortable with each other with no pressure to do any thing else. Maybe orally pleasing each other could work. He needs to feel safe and secure, and then hopefully he can open himself up to penetration.

[mulkey]

This may be controversial but if he drinks at all having a few could be just what he needs to loosen up a little. I know I can get extra horny with a little buzz going. It might give you a chance to break through. Nutrition is very important. I take GNCs Mega Men Performance and Vitality. It helps me a lot. It has some stuff in it that makes your sticker peck out. I'm 54. Others on this site know more about the nutrition part of it.