Hi everyone, I feel so bad right now and I have no friends either so I'm here.
First of all, I'm a physics student and I'm bad at my courses, 3 years passed since I've started my first year as a freshmen and still I'm at 1st grade in my university. I' ve tried a lot of drugs and these things make my psychology way more bad, sometimes I want to kill myself because nothing impress me, I don't want anyting to do. And probably my biggest problem nowadays that I have never get laid, never had sex not even with a prostitude and I'm 24 years old right now. New student come to the university and I feel like I'm getting old, and probably I'm losing my interest on womans too. I mean 2 days ago I asked a girl to date but after asking I just wanted to leave that place I mean I said to myself what the hell I'm doing I don't even like her that much, anyway I ve rejected again. It might sound awkward but I'm also in a theatre clup. I take on stage nearly 20 times every year, I think I'm doing decent job in there, what makes me sad that I can stand on almost 1000 people easily but I couldn't talk with a girl without any anxiety or an overwhelmingly self-destruction habits.
Yes self-destruction: I give up on almost anyting so easily, sometimes I want to be with the crowd, with lots of people and after that I just want to leave that place and find a quiet place to read some books. I want to be a physicist but I got bored when I have to study for my exams. I loved a lot of woman in my life and I always talk with them about it, I said "I love you" but after saying that I just want to leave that place and I don't want to see that girl anymore. I ve tried a lot of drugs for the same reason, sometimes I just want to have fun but after that drugs starts to give me nightmares to. I have no idea what to do but all this ups and downs kills me it tortures me that I actually want nothing in this life at all. Seriously I'm trying so hard to move on in this life but it becomes a nightmare. I think I have a bipolar disorder but I'm not sure about it.
Anyway, it is a long post thanks for reading.
First of all, I'm a physics student and I'm bad at my courses, 3 years passed since I've started my first year as a freshmen and still I'm at 1st grade in my university. I' ve tried a lot of drugs and these things make my psychology way more bad, sometimes I want to kill myself because nothing impress me, I don't want anyting to do. And probably my biggest problem nowadays that I have never get laid, never had sex not even with a prostitude and I'm 24 years old right now. New student come to the university and I feel like I'm getting old, and probably I'm losing my interest on womans too. I mean 2 days ago I asked a girl to date but after asking I just wanted to leave that place I mean I said to myself what the hell I'm doing I don't even like her that much, anyway I ve rejected again. It might sound awkward but I'm also in a theatre clup. I take on stage nearly 20 times every year, I think I'm doing decent job in there, what makes me sad that I can stand on almost 1000 people easily but I couldn't talk with a girl without any anxiety or an overwhelmingly self-destruction habits.
Yes self-destruction: I give up on almost anyting so easily, sometimes I want to be with the crowd, with lots of people and after that I just want to leave that place and find a quiet place to read some books. I want to be a physicist but I got bored when I have to study for my exams. I loved a lot of woman in my life and I always talk with them about it, I said "I love you" but after saying that I just want to leave that place and I don't want to see that girl anymore. I ve tried a lot of drugs for the same reason, sometimes I just want to have fun but after that drugs starts to give me nightmares to. I have no idea what to do but all this ups and downs kills me it tortures me that I actually want nothing in this life at all. Seriously I'm trying so hard to move on in this life but it becomes a nightmare. I think I have a bipolar disorder but I'm not sure about it.
Anyway, it is a long post thanks for reading.
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